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Title: New Year - New Start? Post by: PinkPoker on January 01, 2015, 11:01:35 AM I really hurt and confused and hoping someone can reply as I could really do with some support at this time.
Firstly, a question... . In the last year my so called best friend (male) seems to have been triggered by me more frequently and for what I see at time minimum things. After his and my birthday where he made no effort I admitably invalidated him. Not deliberately. I stood up for myself and said I needed to be around people who cared about me and I didn't think he did. He did replI ending with a 'nice knowing you x' then when I replied be blocked me. We haven't really spoken since. The question is it common for someone with BPD to get more triggered the closer you are to then? Our ftownship ended like a zebra crossing. He once told me I'd got under his skin and I took that as an emotional attachment issue. He said we could never be together because he was too selfish. He also said he didn't know what love was and he wouldn't want to be someone's security blanket or on the rebound. When I split with my ex he said I needed to find myself and not get into other relationships Etc. Okay so since I said id had enough - he's now on fb with a girl. A girl he told me once be loved (when I was black and I first experienced his passive aggressive behaviour). Yes I'm hurt but deep down I know he's only hurt me If I was with him. The issue I have and am struggling to deal with is how he's gone into a relationship with a women who was going to get married and has two kids. I'm sure and have heard she is a nice girl but surely he wouldn't want to be a rebound? Surely he'd be scared she'd go back to her ex. The other weird thing was Mr BPD was still friends with Her ex until yesterday. None of it makes sense to me. He told me he didn't want to get involved between me and my ex. He was a friend to me and clearly not my ex but he didn't want it to look like id left for him which I hadnt. I'm feeling low and down about the whole situation. I'm worried about the girl and kids. He has a nasty streak to him. He's also just lost his mum. It sounds like a disaster but he did tell me he loved her once before when we weren't such close friends too. Totally confused ;-( Title: Re: New Year - New Start? Post by: Mutt on January 01, 2015, 09:49:13 PM *welcome*
Hi PinkPoker, He said we could never be together because he was too selfish. He also said he didn't know what love was and he wouldn't want to be someone's security blanket or on the rebound. When I split with my ex he said I needed to find myself and not get into other relationships Etc. He lacks a stable sense of self. He sounds sincere when he's telling you he may not fulfill your needs. Your choice if you want to get into another r/s. The issue I have and am struggling to deal with is how he's gone into a relationship with a women who was going to get married and has two kids. I'm sure and have heard she is a nice girl but surely he wouldn't want to be a rebound? Surely he'd be scared she'd go back to her ex. The other weird thing was Mr BPD was still friends with Her ex until yesterday. None of it makes sense to me. His belief system is distorted. His mind is like a Rubik's cube. He lacks impulse control. Thoughts of one's consequences and actions and learning from choices. Acts impulsively. If she has two kids, there's nothing wrong with that? Actions speak louder than words. He said for you to not be in a rebound. Take away the words, look at his actions. The truth lies there. Do as I say not as I preach. His choice whom he wants to be involved with. You had a history together. I'm sorry this is difficult I'm worried about the girl and kids. He has a nasty streak to him. He's also just lost his mum. It sounds like a disaster but he did tell me he loved her once before when we weren't such close friends too. You know the Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde. On the other hand they are both adults and have choices with whom they want to be involved with or not. Their path. Title: Re: New Year - New Start? Post by: PinkPoker on January 03, 2015, 08:22:39 AM Hi Mutt
Thank you for your reply. I know it's their choice and I wouldn't stand in the way Of that but I fear she was manipulated the same way I was. We were both engaged... . As soon as I realised he highly likely had BPD I've kept a record so I can remember stuff he's said such as not knowing what Love is or how it's meant to feel etc. I'm genuinely worried he will stop the kids seeing their real dad stuff like that but I can't get involved it's not my business. My friends and ex all saw how controlling he was towards me. Didn't like me smoking; asking me not to smoke sometimes... . Telling me to drink a different drink because he was worried I would get diabetes. Telling me I should confront people about issues face to face not in a text message. Telling me to sit down, not to swear. All this and we were only friends. His best was the silent treatment. I know deep down I'm better off without him in my life but I guess I thought we had some sort of connection and a strong friendship. It's hard losing someone you care about. ;-( |