BPDFamily.com

I didn't really know what to title this thread.  I've been NC for almost 2 months now and from a mutual friend, I found out something interesting.  For lack of a better word. 

I was hanging out with a mutual friend the other night who informed me that my ex's dBPD mother left her second husband and moved in with my ex.  I had an inkling something was up before my exBPD left me but it was interesting hearing my suspicions confirmed.  This is the same mother who decided to get married just a few months after me and my exBPD were married.  The same mother that hooked up with some of my ex's high school friends at parties she threw them (while my ex was in high school).  The same mother that took student loans out in my ex's name and used them for herself without my ex's knowing.  The same mother that my exBPD has cut in and out of her life countless times.  It's like they've been in perpetual competition with one another.  There are other legal issues that I won't go into here but I think this paints the general picture.  Reading this back and remember all of this really makes me wonder what the heck was going on in my head.

But now they get to go through divorces together.  Two peas in a pod.  My divorce date can't come soon enough.   

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree 

Yeah that's definitely what I have realized.  I met her mother very early - they were best friends, after all.  Some best friend.  

It was nice to get just a bit more reassurance.  

I understand. It took me some time for my eyes to open. My exMIL is an enabler and has BPD traits. I didn't see the traits or toxic behaviors in the relationship.

I see the behaviors quite clearly now. I feel sadness for my ex because with her mom enabling dysfunction and behaviors it means that my ex is less likely to get help.

Her mother is a source of great pain and suffering as well in her family and my kids.

Both are in denial.

I've wondered this myself.  My ex's mother was only diagnosed after seeking help to avoid further legal issues.  I know my ex is also seeking help from a psychiatrist (they go to the same one, which I can't imagine is a good thing) but I have a feeling it'll be much of the same.  Meds to treat the symptoms but no real commitment to change behavior.  My ex's mother was treated and diagnosed before her last marriage.  It crumbled, she blamed him, she was perfect and did nothing wrong.  I heard it first hand from her.  Much in the way I was blamed for the ending of my r/s. 

Is it denial?  Is it hubris?  It's as if they both know something is going on but I honestly think they seek help just to feel better about themselves.  It allows them to play the victim role on a new stage and then they get rewarded for it through medication.  Or sympathy.  Or whatever the heck else goes on in their once a month visits. 

Lot's of dysfunction in my exBPDgf's FOO... .she and I actually had conversations about how her mom was ground zero for the dysfunction... .the cause of it, for reasons that were sometimes hard to articulate.  My ex actually kept her distance from her mom from quite a while in recognition of the "unhealthiness" in her.

But when we broke up?  Mom was there every day helping her pack.  Two peas in a pod indeed... .