BPDFamily.com

FYI, from wikipedia:

An NPD diagnosis requires 5 or more of the following:



*Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

*Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

*Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

*Rarely acknowledges mistakes and/or imperfections

*Requires excessive admiration



*Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations



*Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends



*Lacks empathy: is unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.



*Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her



*Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitude.



I don't know if my wife could ever be diagnosed with this without the therapist/dr. hearing from a lot of people who know my wife. My wife is very insecure, so when I brought this up to her, she thinks there's NO way she fits any of these, "I'm not a narcisist!" But easily fits some of the symptoms, even if she doesn't see it. I can imagine NPD being a much harder diagnosis for a patient to accept.

To accept BPD, at least to my wife, it was a relief. Like, I do these "bad" behaviors, I don't like them. Oh wow, there's a whole LIST of the things I do, and there's a name for it. But for NPD, it would take the person doing exactly what the list says they won't: admit fault.

My MIL is primaryily BPD, but exhibits strong NPD too... .

BPD - criteria require 5 or more:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (for MIL it's spending in excess, erratic driving and disordered eating).

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood[/b] (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

On the flip-side here, while she shows empathy, it's usually not *genuine* (it's learned IMO) if you consider all surrounding the empathy expressed; she has, through decades of self-help workshops, empowerment groups, and therapy to make her an even better person, learned how to express empathy... .but, as I said, when you balance it to everything else she is saying and do at the time it is expressed, it's not empathy but looks like empathy - so maybe it should be bold?

With my MIL it seems that which side of her PD dominates is determined by who she's engaging with... .for example, if it's DH, her golden child, it's pure BPD driven by fear he'll abandon her - she praises him endlessly, needs him so much, he is her hero, her very reason for living; if, on the other hand, it's me, his big-bad wife, it's almost purely NPD with sprinkles of BPD mixed in - she expects praise, expects I recognize her as brilliant, strong and successful, see her as superior and admire her as she demands - I am expendable and disposable and she let's me know it, failure to comply means war.  Now that war can be waged at me or DH or both of us - but it will come and toward each of us different.