|
Title: After 19 months I felt the FOG again Post by: Aussie0zborn on March 18, 2015, 12:47:29 PM After 19 months of separation, absolute NC and finally divorced, we are still battling settlement and she still wants 100%.
While reading court documents where she tries to justify why she should get three houses and I get nothing I felt the FOG come over me. Realising that I was sinking into this familiar hole, I quickly pulled myself out of it but was shocked to feel that FOG again - even if it was just momentary. These people have a profound impact on our lives. There she is trying to take away everything I worked for for a seven year period and I feel sorry for her? This is too weird to believe. Has anybody else experienced the FOG well after the relationship ended? Title: Re: After 19 months I felt the FOG again Post by: Waddams on March 18, 2015, 01:14:52 PM I've been thinking about something that might have bearing on this. Basically this question:
Why do we fall for the FOG they send our way? In my case, it's some kind of habitual, instinctual reaction when they start to lay on the FOG. Perhaps you too? I mean, we become more self-aware and learn to recognize it, but it's not automatic. We need to think about it first, like you did recently while reading the court documents. pwPD's are very emotionally convincing and persuasive. I've been reading a bit about emotional persuasion recently, not just as it relates to pwPD's and their behavior, but how it is employed in advertising and other realms of life. There's a psychology to it and why it works, especially on some people like NON's. And I'd imagine even other pwPD's. We're pre-disposed to engaging strongly with emotional persuasion techniques for some reason. Hence, when exposed to it, we start to fall for it unless we've become self-aware enough to stop ourselves. Excerpt Has anybody else experienced the FOG well after the relationship ended? To directly answer, yes. All the time. My XW constantly uses our S10 in this manner. I have to be on my toes all the time or I find myself falling for some other tripe she's selling. Title: Re: After 19 months I felt the FOG again Post by: jhkbuzz on March 18, 2015, 03:17:47 PM After 19 months of separation, absolute NC and finally divorced, we are still battling settlement and she still wants 100%. While reading court documents where she tries to justify why she should get three houses and I get nothing I felt the FOG come over me. Realising that I was sinking into this familiar hole, I quickly pulled myself out of it but was shocked to feel that FOG again - even if it was just momentary. These people have a profound impact on our lives. There she is trying to take away everything I worked for for a seven year period and I feel sorry for her? This is too weird to believe. Has anybody else experienced the FOG well after the relationship ended? Two months after the r/s ended I saw her out on a date - they were saying goodnight and she sort of nuzzled into his chest. He was a pretty tall dude and I actually thought, ohmigod what if he hurts her at some point? (she's been in physically abusive r/s's in the past). My very next thought was, WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH ME? If you put any stock into Schema Therapy (and "schema modes", I slowly figured out over the next several months that I had been completely pulled in by her "vulnerable child" mode. I still think I could get roped in by it. It disturbs me that that ^ is the case. |