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Title: Sick of people telling me about exBPDh Post by: Popcorn71 on July 05, 2015, 12:12:13 PM Yet again, somebody told me about my xBPDh today. Why do people always want to talk to me about him? Whether it's good or bad, people have to mention him to me.
Anyway, today I was told that a friend of his visited a family member of mine. They had a conversation about him and the friend said how my ex is doing well. I have my doubts about this for various reasons and also know that this friend would not tell the truth if my ex was having a crap time. I hate it when people tell me about him. Today it has made me feel down and I hate to hear that he is doing well, whether this is true or not. The thought of him happily living his new life after blowing mine apart, makes me feel sick. It's bad enough seeing him around frequently without other people reminding me that he still exists. Why do I still feel like this after almost 2 years of being apart and a year of NC? Title: Re: Sick of people telling me about exBPDh Post by: fromheeltoheal on July 05, 2015, 12:31:21 PM Hey Popcorn-
Why do people always want to talk to me about him? Whether it's good or bad, people have to mention him to me. Because you and your ex are still connected in their heads. Excerpt I hate it when people tell me about him. Depending on who it is, you could explain where you're coming from and ask them for help with it, if you trust them and if they care about you. For the others, you could make it a game: the more we get exposed to something the more desensitized we become to it, like living in a house next to the train tracks, after a while we don't notice trains, where a visitor would go What the heck? So you could decide to notice how much hearing about him affects you, and stand off to one side of the emotion, don't be it, and then just look at it with curiosity. After a while you'll go pfft, so what, and at the very least it's a good way to check in with how you're doing with your detachment. Excerpt They had a conversation about him and the friend said how my ex is doing well. You and I know if he exhibits significant traits of the disorder he's never doing well, although borderlines are experts at painting pleasant facades; what if this friend saw that fiction but you know the truth? Powerful! Excerpt Why do I still feel like this after almost 2 years of being apart and a year of NC? Because you're not done detaching yet and it takes what it takes. What did you learn new? How can you use it moving forward? What's good about this? Find something... . Title: Re: Sick of people telling me about exBPDh Post by: Popcorn71 on July 05, 2015, 01:48:31 PM Thanks so much for answering my questions. What you said made a lot of sense :)
I was feeling low today and hearing of him made me feel worse. Maybe a bit jealous ... . he has a better life and I don't. Although when I weigh up all the pros and cons of life now and life with him, I know that I really am much better off in many ways now. It's just difficult to remember that sometimes. Title: Re: Sick of people telling me about exBPDh Post by: fromheeltoheal on July 05, 2015, 04:09:21 PM Excerpt Although when I weigh up all the pros and cons of life now and life with him, I know that I really am much better off in many ways now. It's just difficult to remember that sometimes. And another way to shift our perceptions is with empowering questions. Try answering the ones I asked and let's see what the bright future you're building looks like. |