BPDFamily.com

UBPDgf ended things (again) a week from last Saturday. We communicated on Monday. I deactivated Facebook for a break, but told her she could reach me via phone, text, and email (long distance relationship). I haven't heard from her since. She seemed open on Monday. I decided to reach out to her to say I was confused about our status, but that I wanted her to know I still wanted a relationship with her.

Now I'm waiting to see if she responds. She has ended things many times, but it has never been like this, not at all.

I am trying to stay busy, and live the life I want regardless of her. I'm doing a pretty good job, actually. But I'm still very sad, and avoid thinking long-term if this is really it.

What makes it easier, but also scarier, is that I am probably better off just letting her go. We have so much conflict, but when things are good, they're perfect. Love is so foolish. 

Hey whiteback,  What would you like to see happen?  Do you want to go back in the ring for another round?  I can't tell from your Post.  You could say that you are in sort of the victim mode, because you've left it up to her to decide on the next move.  Instead of waiting for her to do something, how about deciding for yourself what is right for you?

LuckyJim

Is victim mode the first step of the healing process? How does one get out of that mode. I feel like it's a more easier said than done type of thing. I feel like many of us have allowed the BPD exes to have the balls in their court.

As much as many of our exes may have feared abandonment, I think a lot of us fear rejection from them.

Good, honest feedback. I really was just venting, and it wouldn't let me edit later so I left it.

The insecure part of me is waiting. The conscious part of me is continuing to live my life. I needed the ball to be in her court because I was having a lot of anxiety over whether things were going to truly end over a miscommunication. I needed to get in a place where I could know I had been direct, and that I had done what I felt comfortable doing. In the past, I would have chased and been desperate. I learned from that, and now feel I deserve someone who doesn't need convincing. What is right for me right now is to be open to further communication, but to not stop everything until I hear from her.

I'm just also being aware of the fact that my life is a lot simpler not having to deal with her. I also only started using these BPD techniques a few weeks ago, and wish I had had more time to see how things could be with consistent use.