BPDFamily.com

Hi folks,

Not posted for a few weeks as i've been trying to heal and have managed to maintain NC from my BPD wife.  It has been tough - from suicidal thoughts / depression / wishing I could wave a wand and everything be back to how it was when we met in 2012.

My back story is available in other threads but in essence myself and BPD (5 years together) we married september 2015 in san francisco and she moved to live in the UK  with me in December 2015. 

Disastrous few months here - her self abusing, making false rape allegations against me, punching me, smashing my apartment up.  She went back to the US to clear debts and told me she was returning here to work on our marriage.

She did return but only to drop divorce papers on me then returned to the US and cut all contact with me (threatening me with harrasment/stalking if i so dare contact her again)

There has been no contact between us since november 14th yet yesterday i received this from her via email... .

-------------------
STOP !

"We are divorced
Stop messaging me
Stop sending me flowers
Stop thinking about me- move on with your life.
Do NOT reply to this message.
I hope you fully understand the word STOP"
--------------

To confirm

I have not messaged her
I have not sent her flowers
I have thought about her obviously

Am i reading too much into it but do you think she is trying to elicit a response from me so that she can try to show that i'm harrasing her / stalking her ?

What would people do ? Just ignore it completely ?

Any advice is really appreciated as i do not trust her at all and when her switch flicks she is beyond scary

Absolutely trying to elicit a response. Can't be certain of the reason.


Abso-effing-lutely ignore it. This one is a slam dunk decision. I would document it for your divorce proceedings, but don't respond to wild accusations.

Hi Cooper-


If she has this disorder or traits thereof, yes she's trying to elicit a response, but not necessarily to show that you're harassing her.  Borderlines need an attachment to feel whole, to feel in general, so she's seeing if an attachment is still in place you, and any emotional reaction on your part would indicate to her that it is.  Also, a state of emotional chaos feels good to borderlines because without it a borderline wouldn't feel anything at all, and wouldn't be anything at all, it's about existing.


It depends what the goal is.  If the goal is to detach, and I'm sorry you're going through all that, including the divorce, if the goal is to detach, you're divorced, and there aren't any ties, legal or otherwise, then there's really no reason to return the message, in fact she explicitly said don't, even though you hadn't done the things she claims.

Once a borderline accepts that an attachment is no longer in place, they will stop trying, although it still hurts, borderlines hate to lose an attachment.  And if you focus on doing what's best for you, what's the goal?

Take care man.

Detach. For your own safety and well being.