BPDFamily.com

So me and a female I have been involved with have been having an on and off situation

I tried to get with her she kept rejecting saying she wanted to be friends, I kept pushing for more and then eventually gave up we stopped talking because I needed space, come to find out she was in a whole relationship a few months later

She got back in contact with me again and reached out herself saying she wants us to be on good terms and be cool, I explained to her I didn’t have an issue with her it’s just that I have feelings

We tried to become Fwbs recently and she knew I had feelings but still flirted with other men and entertaining other men infront of me, I confronted her about the behaviour, told her I got abit triggered and she got defensive and called it off saying that I couldn’t handle it but I feel like she gaslit and tried to guilt trip me

I feel like everytime something goes wrong between us she will call it off and stick to her decision only for her to come back around and we repeat the same process

Right now she is convinced I can’t handle an FWB with her

Now I’m back to square one of no contact because she wants us to go back to being friends again even though I’ve explained I have feelings her response was then maybe I need space from her and I shoulf stay out her life for a while but every time I did that she comes back

Is this splitting, why does she do this

Splitting is: "exaggerated and polarized views of what is positive or negative."

It doesn't sound like that's what she's doing here. Splitting usually occurs in the context of a BPD relationship where the pwBPD is either idolizing their partner and showering them with love and affection, or villainizing them and holding them responsible for every negative thing in the pwBPD's life. 

Rather than try to diagnose her at this stage, focus on what you know.  From the behavior you described, it's not clear she has BPD, but certainly her behavior could be that; there are more factors that need to be considered though.  You can read this link here: (https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder)) to see the factors that underly a BPD diagnosis.  Note that sometimes we all exhibit some of these traits, so that's why it takes someone who does most of them, persistently, in order to fit the diagnosis.

It does seem like she's not interested in an exclusive relationship, at least not with you, and while that might hurt, it's probably better to accept it and move on.  Accept that - at best - you're going to get "a part of her" and not the whole thing.  She's willing to keep you around, but only as an option as she plays the field.  If you can't deal with that, then you're better off going no contact.