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Right now she is convinced I can’t handle an FWB with her
Now I’m back to square one of no contact because she wants us to go back to being friends again even though I’ve explained I have feelings her response was then maybe I need space from her and I shoulf stay out her life for a while but every time I did that she comes back
Is this splitting, why does she do this
Splitting is: "exaggerated and polarized views of what is positive or negative."
It doesn't sound like that's what she's doing here. Splitting usually occurs in the context of a BPD relationship where the pwBPD is either idolizing their partner and showering them with love and affection, or villainizing them and holding them responsible for every negative thing in the pwBPD's life.
Rather than try to diagnose her at this stage, focus on what you know. From the behavior you described, it's not clear she has BPD, but certainly her behavior could be that; there are more factors that need to be considered though. You can read this link here: (
https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder) to see the factors that underly a BPD diagnosis. Note that sometimes we all exhibit some of these traits, so that's why it takes someone who does most of them, persistently, in order to fit the diagnosis.
It does seem like she's not interested in an exclusive relationship, at least not with you, and while that might hurt, it's probably better to accept it and move on. Accept that - at best - you're going to get "a part of her" and not the whole thing. She's willing to keep you around, but only as an option as she plays the field. If you can't deal with that, then you're better off going no contact.
