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Title: Help needed: Cohabitating with BPD spouse before separation Post by: Pluie on August 07, 2026, 05:07:43 AM Hi,
I have posted on the board before. Like many of your stories, mine is quite complex. You can find a more detailed summary here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3062399.0. Today, I would like to try to focus on what I am coping with right now. My BPD (NPD traits) husband and I were together for 12 years, and married for only two. He asked for a divorce a couple of months ago, although he has not submitted the paperwork yet. The fact is that I do not have the financial stability necessary to move out. I stayed at a friend's for a few weeks, but that couldn't possibly be a long-term solution. He also slept at his office for a while. I know I am doing my best to solve this, considering that I have just recently moved here (Norway) from abroad, I am still struggling with the aftermath of some serious health issues, and I am, of course, heartbroken and incredibly tired. Well, in short, my BPD ex and I are living together right now, and I need advice on how to cope. While at first I was just deeply grateful and happy to have moved back in and established a series of boundaries, things escalated again real quick (like, less than two weeks). I must admit we were intimate for the first week or so...a lot. He became loving and caring again, and of course it felt amazing, and it ignited hope again. Needless to say, he went back to DARVO and discarding as soon as I tried to have a serious conversation on why that was happening, and whether therapy could be considered. Now he is being extremely impulsive. He is considering accepting a new job offer, moving to a nearby city, buying a very expensive car, etc. He is drinking and coming late, telling me all these stories in detail and saying how happy and hopeful he feels now that he is divorcing me. I have really tried to stay calm and ignore him, but it is just NOT working. I am angry, and tired, and sad, and he just acts like he doesn't understand why I am so desperate. The only thing that is helping me is reading posts from this and other forums, and reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells", so that I am reminded that there is nothing, nothing I could do if he is in denial and not willing to get therapy. I would appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with the temporary cohabitation. I feel drained, and I need energy to rebuild a life for myself. Thank you. A big hug to you all. |