BPDFamily.com

Soo I am not quite sure where to post this, but most of you on this discussion board seem to know my story.

Well she text me last week saying that she's ready to talk.  I am meeting her for coffee tomorrow. She also got her Facebook back

I have no idea what to expect.  I believe she is doing better, but can I truly trust that?

I guess I just have to see for myself and go in with zero expectations. I think I am ready.  Excited and nervous to see her again.

I can imagine that the thought of seeing her again brings up many emotions. You say you have no expectations, and I take it you mean you have no idea what to expect from her. What are your expectations for yourself? Do you know what you would like from meeting with her?

I really do wish the best for your situation. I have been there before and it is easy to get excited and jump right back in. Be cautious.

Your username is "anothercasualty" .

Need I say more.

 I'm not going to be hypocritical - I have made the same choice you are thinking about doing quite a few times.

Nobody can tell you what to do, but it would be a shame to lose the positive momentum and open up the wounds that time has helped heal.

From reading your posts, it doesn't sound like there is much future in this - but only you can make that decision. Please keep us posted, I think everyone here just wants to be happy and support others in getting back healthy again.

Shedd, Whatever happens, Do Not leave your job to be with her. She gave her notice. I know that she will be leaving the place of employment, where you both work together soon. Your job is all that you have to get along in this world with. She only wants to make sure you will still be orbiting around her for her narcissistic supply. Her past running form History will tell you more than her words will. Stay strong. Handle it, handle it, handle it!

If she is disordered, then No.

Routinely, when pwPDs establish this sort of contact, the pwPD appear lucid >
the non builds up their hopes of friendship or something more >
the unhealthy coping mechanism and behaviours kick in again, projection & push/pull & splitting etc >
the non experiences higher and higher levels of abuse >
the non finds out about infidelities >
the emotional and psychological damage done to the non is worse than anything experienced previously >
the non finally understands that Self Preservation is paramount and goes Full NC.


If you can go in with zero expectations, then you're stronger than I was.
But I can fully relate to 'having to see for oneself'.

Ask yourself - what do you want to get out of this meeting?
Think 2 steps ahead, 5 even.

Presume all goes swimmingly - what do you hope will follow on? Closure? Friendship? Relationship?

Good Luck! Stay safe

Shedd,

Be careful. Honestly set a strong boundary from the start. Therapy for the both of you. She needs to get help and if she is willing to actually do therapy that is a start. Otherwise you are just falling into the same trap again. Stay strong!

Thank you all for the feedback.

She did in fact bail on the meeting.

It was good I wasn't expecting much.  I even predicted that she was going to do that. Lol we have potential plans to meet on Saturday now but I highly doubt she will even text me to let me know if she wants to or not so i am just going to make other plans.

She said she was ready, but she is clearly not.  I'm not going to keep trying to be in her life.  She needs to work on being in mine if that's what she really wants.  I realize I was doing just fine without her.