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Title: Feeling sad... Post by: Xanadu on July 03, 2017, 02:30:28 PM It has occured to me that my husband of 46 years has BPD. I am feeling many emotions at the moment. Mainly sadness for me, for the life I could have had, all the time that was wasted... .walking on eggshells the entire time. Is this normal? I feel like I am going through a grieving process.
Title: Re: Feeling sad... Post by: Zoaron on July 03, 2017, 09:01:59 PM It has occured to me that my husband of 46 years has BPD. I am feeling many emotions at the moment. Mainly sadness for me, for the life I could have had, all the time that was wasted... .walking on eggshells the entire time. Is this normal? I feel like I am going through a grieving process. I imagine being together and not knowing for that long would be hard. But, I have to give you credit, it must've taken a lot of strength and courage to be there during everything. But, as the saying goes, better late than never? Now that you know, start the process of learning about BPD and the stragedies to attempt to ease the rage moments. Get a book from the library, read many threads on this group. You are not alone, not by a long shot. I've been so thankful for finding this place cause it has given me a place to talk to others which are going to very similar situations and we can all share different things that seems to work or not work. I've learned that the SET method words better than going to straight validation. But read up on both methods, cause with knowledge is power, and the power to take back your life, and the love of your life. Title: Re: Feeling sad... Post by: Xanadu on July 05, 2017, 12:32:05 PM Why do I feel like I am the parent to my spouse? Can I break this cycle? Is it correct that the non BPD is a caregiver? the one that takes responsibility for the relationship? I'm just thinking out loud... .This has been a heavy load my entire married life and now reality has hit... .I know that things will remain basically the same. I'm not sure how to redefine my relationship with my spouse of now 46 years. I have been reading several books, and feeling so overwhelmed. Any ideas? please share.
Title: Re: Feeling sad... Post by: Tattered Heart on July 05, 2017, 02:27:49 PM Why do I feel like I am the parent to my spouse? Can I break this cycle? Is it correct that the non BPD is a caregiver? the one that takes responsibility for the relationship? I'm just thinking out loud... .This has been a heavy load my entire married life and now reality has hit... .I know that things will remain basically the same. I'm not sure how to redefine my relationship with my spouse of now 46 years. I have been reading several books, and feeling so overwhelmed. Any ideas? please share. In my opinion we are the caregiver, but we shouldn't act as the parent. Our pwBPD is an adult and they should have to handle all of the adult responsibilities as they are capable. It's a fine line to walk. On one side we do need to do things for them that they cannot do for themselves. On the other side they need to do the things they can do. It's in that in between that us non-BPDs have difficulty with boundaries. Here's one of our workshops on being an emotional caretaker. It might help you with this: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=173897.0 |