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Title: Deciding on separation agreement Post by: maman on December 05, 2017, 03:05:53 PM My son moved his belongings out of the home he was sharing with his wife about 2 months ago.
She had many suicide attempts, rages and threats to murder him including 1 with a knife in her hand. We have't had contact with the daughter in law for about 7 weeks, so things have been peaceful. My son and I went to see a family attorney a week ago and she strongly recommended a separation agreement, so that he would be protected legally and financially. However, he's having a hard time deciding on what to do. I was rather surprised by this, I thought he would want to put things in order. He says it feels surreal, and months ago he dreamed of this day, but now it's hard to pull the trigger. I'm trying not push him, though the decision seems obvious to me. Any advice on how to help my son through this process ? Title: Re: Deciding on separation agreement Post by: ForeverDad on December 05, 2017, 04:09:51 PM I've been advised by a counselor who has treated BPDs for 30 years to have no direct contact... .Her father actually said " She doesn't mean what she says,you know women never say what they mean, she's too much of a coward to kill herself." Ending a relationship with a person exhibiting BPD behaviors (pwBPD) needs to be final. Otherwise there is high likelihood it will continue in a push-pull, up-down, roller coaster chaos endlessly. Generally there's no good way to end it nicely, the pwBPD typically characterizes ended relationship as abusive ones. It's because they are in Denial and can't admit they had fault in the relationship. That's why getting Closure from his ex is likely to be a fruitless attempt. Same with continuing a low-key friendship into the future. Theirs is an All Or Nothing world, the gray in between isn't there. As for the suicide attempts or declarations, it's possible the father is right to an extent. Perhaps she is that distressed. Or perhaps it may also be her way of keeping your son locked into the chaos of her controller & manipulator life. Your son knows he can't go back nor can he help her, that's why he separated. It's so sad, but if he goes back he may lose himself. There's an illustration written long ago. The Damsel in Distress is drowning and screaming for help in a whirlpool. Man jumps in, risking his life, pulls her to safety, then she jumps right back into the water and starts calling for help again. Should he save her again? How many times? Has he read The Bridge (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=65164.0;all)? Follow the link. You can't save someone if the person doesn't want to be saved. At some point you have to Let Go and Move On. |