BPDFamily.com

So... .my guess is this is because other "tools" aren't working.

I'm seeing lots more "passive" resistance or opportunities for me to "persecute" her... .and then she would express shock and have a very detailed story of how she was only trying to help... blah blah blah.

She has opened up a couple email discussions, while refusing to have in person discussions.  Near as I can tell... I stayed opening to listening, discussing and whatever she brought up... .and inviting further understanding.

Today she  emailed me "lovingly bringing to my attention" that I was sinning and trying to manipulate her by offering a compromise.  Lots of flak went up and rabbit trails that I didn't go down... .I stuck to wanting to understand the Biblical basis of the sin she was bringing to my attention.  

She refused... basically saying I should just pray about what she said and then repent.

Earlier in the week she accused me of keeping a medical test one of the kids was having from her... very loud public thing.  I suspect she understands that's the next thing we talk about in private... .so just just wont talk about it.

FYI... she knew about the blood test, somehow conjured up that it was for a purpose other than what the doctor explained to me it was for... .and that I knew this other purpose... and that I was purposefully keeping her in the dark... .

Right...

Since Tuesday... .I'm pretty sure she has spoken less than 20 words total directly to me.  

Brave new world I suppose.  If anyone has "successfully" dealt with ST or LC ST I'm interested in your thoughts of how this can be nipped in the bud.  (I don't want to "feed the fire" or "give her what she wants")

I suspect she "wanted" me to explain how unreasonable she is... or accuse her or something.

FF

I imagine that you're continuing to be your cheery FF self in spite of this ST and that she keeps ratcheting up the crazy, hoping for you to "break" and you're not doing that.    Perhaps it's a waiting game--seeing who has the most willpower. 

I'm a bit confused about the blood test details. Did she make a scene in public?

Me too.

She believes a blood test was done to check one of my kids for Leukemia.  A blood test was done... .and perhaps... .perhaps if you really let your mind run wild the results of that test might have led to further testing to determine Leukemia.

The odd thing is.  All these kids and we've never had a case of "hand foot and mouth" until now. 

There were a few spots that were not consistent with hand foot and mouth and out of an abundance of caution a CBC test was done... just to make sure nothing was being missed.  CBC was normal.

It is apparently "just" hand foot and mouth.  IN a 12 year old.  Which is a really odd age to get it. 

So yes... she stood at top of steps and hollered that I was keeping a leukemia test from her... .she was going to call doctor and blah blah blah... .she was going to blah blah blah me... .she has rights... she this... she that

I've invited her to go see the doctor with me... together... .

She went to ST mode since then.

Oh... .and, sadly a bunny died... .she flipped out over that too. 

Keep asking about what is confusing.  Yes... .I'm staying centered and keeping door open for further understanding... and ignoring the copious amounts of digs (digs are via email) that are out there.

So the ST  or LC ST is via mouth.  Several things she has ranted about via email... .

Sigh...

FF

FF, make no mistake, silent treatment not only hurts on the emotional level, it hurts on the physiological level.

Silent treatment is the means of telling a person they are no one, a nobody and invisible.  It's small-scale ostracism.

I know it well. My uBPD/uNPD H does it when he is displeased with me.  It includes silence with the additional punishment of him sleeping on the couch--social withdrawal.

It hurts even when we understand the mechanism and that we don't deserve it.

https://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/

Ah, the silent treatment.  I've dealt with that from BPDh for weeks,  maybe more than a month at a time.  I see it as a way to clear himself of any blame from the situation that brought on the ST. Many BPD's, like my husband,  never learned the skills to constructively solve a problem.  So the ST is the simplest solution for them.  And that brings me to another important thing I've learned - the ST is about the pwBPD,  not the non.

BPDh used all different forms of the ST - just not speaking to me, locking himself in the bathroom for hours when I wanted to discuss something important,  or driving off and not returning for hours.

This behavior has now (mostly) stopped, and I believe it's because he doesn't receive the desired reaction from me. I no longer care, and I believe that shines through me. As I mentioned before, the ST is about the BPD, not the non. I enjoy the peace now when he takes off for hours. If he locks himself in a room, I'll read a book and relax. BPD's can sense when they're truly not getting to you. That's when the behavior will stop.

Yeah, ST used to drive me nuts! But not so much anymore, by LC ST you mean “gray rock” (low contact) correct FF?

I myself am on day eleven of “ST - LC/ST”... .

No worries though, I am doing my thing, me and my boy just left the flea mall, and the produce stand, going to boil up some peanuts and put some suds on ice in the cooler on the back porch for later.

When defcon ST is in effect, one must remember to “GOLE”... .

“go on living everyday” ; )

I’ve found that instead of trying to figure pw/BPD out and thus attempt to break the ST... .most times via a laminated apathetic apology for what ever slight I committed in the first place to cause this ST... .

Lately I just wait her out... .and ignore it.

I heard a while back on another source I use, the best way to “correct” the bad BPD behaviors is to go on about your buisiness ie’ GOLE”... .

When the Non appears un-phased by the BPD ST behavior... .and goes on with the “plan of the day” without pw/BPD; that this is the best option, .pw/BPD does not like to see the Non “happy” when the “Non” is supposed to be writhing in punishment... .

Got to go for now, me and the boy are going to our fav hardware store down here in Beaufort... .

Hang in there FF!

And carry out the plan of the day,  normal squadron routine... .Mrs. FF, she is going to do what’s she is gong to do.

It’ll blow over, it always does doesn’t it,

Red5

Yes... ."LC ST" is low contact silent treatment.  It would be nearly impossible for her to go completely NC, because often she needs to ask for something.

At the moment I'm a bit "amused", since usually my wife is "loud"  ST is rare.  I'm taking this as a bit of a victory that a "tool" she has been using isn't working for her and so she is trying something else.

Also... generally enjoying the relative peace and quiet.

My plan is to wait it out and ignore it.

FF

Red5,

I have to comment... .I love the idea of "GOLE".

It's something I aspire to do, no matter how difficult BPDh makes it. 

Best option FF!

Won’t be long and there will be another cross - slight - issue that will take FF off her threat radar again for a while.

At my house, it was the evil street pavers and their flying monkey flag men yesterday ... .

I am just letting her be, and I am conducting normal weekend routine with my boy... .

Me and the boy just had a great late lunch of fried shrimp, Brunswick stew and banana pudding down here at the bbq joint in Beaufort north cacalacki ; )

Going to go back home now, and put some suds on ice, and put those peanuts in the crockpot with some jalapeños... .

GOLE !

Go do something fun with some of them youngin’s you got running around there !

Hang tough Man!

Red5

jsgirl360
I can’t take credit for that, my good friend and coworker and fellow former JarHead came up with it ; )
Red5

Hey all!

Not that you haven't seen this at some point I'm sure, but offering it as something to review and reflect on for anyone following this thread:

Silent Treatment (http://www.https://bpdfamily.org/2008/07/silent-treatment-when-your-partner-acts.html)

Silent treatment is a very serious sign of marital breakdown, unfortunately.

How long does she keep it up?

wishing you peace, pearl.

No idea... this is relatively new thing.

Thanks for the article.  If I've read it... .it's been a long time


I pulled out this piece... .which is kinda where my head was.

FF

“Steady as She goes” FF,

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/b8b7ddfb-9b6c-4455-aced-d2a01521dafb

Red5

My mother used the ST a lot and so does ( did? cause I ignore it now) my H.

But this situation with your wife seems different. When my H does the ST- he went completely silent- no e mails, no attempts to discuss things. I felt clueless as to what the issue might be.

Your wife on the other hand has made attempts to communicate- maybe not how you would like it, but by e mails, a public discussion, an accusation of sinning, or keeping information from her.

She tried to communicate- and has now gone silent. To me, this seems more like giving up than ST.

You've been trying to hold down the fort by diminishing drama, but there is likely to be some drama with someone with BPD- and if each time she gets upset you squash it to keep control of the situation, she may just be giving up trying to express herself.

For my H, ( and my mother) the ST is a way to gain control- to keep me in the dark about what is going on. Is your wife keeping you in the dark or just angry and upset at her communication "failures". I know that you want appropriate and face to face communication from her, but e mails and public discussions are still communication, while ST is absence of it.

So... .something I wrestle with is the appropriateness of my "choosing" to only talk about the topic that she brought up and failed with.

Said another way... refusing to talk about anything else until we figure out if I really did sin by asking if we had compromised (likely not how she would describe it... .but I honestly don't know what she means)

versus

Moving along and letting a wacky idea be dropped... without any kind of resolution.

Which brings up the question, does anything ever really get resolved.  Perhaps further divide that into "in her mind" and "in FF mind".

I don't believe a "fly on the wall" watching all this would have said I was mean to my wife over the last few days, I'm sure she would have other ideas.

I also wasn't particularly nice... .I didn't go out of my way to do things for her.

If there is a thaw and I start "being nice" to her again "without any further talks or resolution" is that better or worse than "holding out" for an actual attempt at resolution (or even understanding)

FF

What was the "sin" she accused you of?

Attempting to compromise... .

She "knows" that it was not a legitimate attempt and my "real" purpose was manipulation... .therefor she confronted me and expected me to repent.

I tried to draw out of her the Biblical basis for this... and she refused to reveal it (I suspect she figured out there wasn't one)

FF

My guess is that she somehow realized she was trying to manipulate... and then projected it onto me.   Who knows... .


FFw

FF

FFw

ff


FFw


FFw

FF


ffW

FF

FF, I don't mean to pick at your religion, but I think this Bible talk is actually interfering with actual communication between you. I don't know the whole story, but shopping for a wedding dress is a big deal ( congrats by the way) . I don't know how many guys watch "Say yes to the dress" on TV but the bride comes in with an entourage of girlfriends, sisters, mother, mother in law, grandma- to model dresses and everyone oohs and ahhs at them. Surely your D wants her sisters there. If you are discussing compromise- IMHO, this is one time where big sister and mom get what they want if at all possible. It's not just a shopping trip- it is a huge moment.

Even if you had absolutely solid reasons for D 12 to not be there the whole time, or whatever, it is understandable that your wife is upset at not having this moment be what she wants. But instead of being direct- she uses her Bible language ( I think God is a third entity on the drama triangle here) to accuse you of sin. You, as head of your Biblical household are then indignant as this accusation and now are asking her to bring you evidence of this sin. The focus isn't on your wife and the feelings she is trying to express, and not on the main event which is your D is going to pick out her wedding dress. This would likely feel invalidating to your wife as her feelings about the situation are not addressed at all- and this is behind the accusation.

Imagine this:

FFw: And we HAVE NOT compromised. You only asked for D12 so you could say yes she can stay and appear as if you compromised... .So easy to see. No one else would demand she miss shopping with her older sister she has hardly gotten to spend time with to find her wedding dress... to be clear WE HAVE NOT compromised.

FF: I understand you and D are feeling disappointed about the wedding dress.


I understand that you wish to have a household based on the Bible, and the Bible takes a center role-but - is bringing the Bible into every disagreement helping the the two of you truly relate to each other honestly and dealing with the issues in a direct way?

FF, I wanted to add to what Notwendy addressed so well.

The guy I see here on the boards is so easily approachable and has a great rapport with others. What I see in the communication with your wife is this layer of formality and distance--on both sides.

I would imagine that when you met, there was this easygoing exchange both ways and it's sad that it seems nonexistent in the he said/she said exchanges you quote--not just this one, but others.

Thoughts?

So... .is the solution to drop any form of religious talk... whatsoever?

If I stopped responding to her bringing stuff up like this... that would pretty much be the end of talk about religion.


And... .the more I've thought about it...

"I'm ready to talk more when you are ready to share how the Bible informed your view on this... "  and then stop responding.
 
Or... .no longer respond at all unless she leads off with how she views this. 

Otherwise... .she casts herself in the role of God... .

I'll say it this way... there is a very specific reason (the way our religion prescribes this be dealt with) I responded the way I did and ignored the other stuff I did. 

If two people are having a disagreement, understanding how the view the situation "through a Biblical" lens helps you understand... then the other party understanding how you view it through a Biblical lens helps them understand you... .then... .you find common ground.

So... .she knows this.  And obviously wants no part of it.

I'm most likely somehow "feeding this"

Note:  If I said anything about my wife's feelings... .regardless of whether or not I got it right, she goes off on a tirade about "I can't tell her her feelings"

I pretty much dropped that and went to the "more formal" talk, because even asking a question "how do you feel about this" would result in non-sensical answers "There you go again... telling me"  (and I know enough not to shift the debate to differences in questions versus telling.)

So... yes... .there is a "cold detached formality" to it all. 

I invite private discussion... from time to time I will invite discussion of feelings... .it is rare (but not unprecedented) for her to take me up on it.

Umm... .the wedding dress thing... .they have shopped... .and shopped... .and shopped... .and shopped and all of the women have done their thing together, with my support.

The point of bringing that up was this trip was, in my opinion, not planned... .it had been "mentioned" and one of the things I asked to discuss further... to clarify things (she stayed silent). 

There were some grumps about things not being done... .by and large those things were not done because people made a choice to be elsewhere and not do them and so the point of me bringing up desires and try to compromise and work things out... .was to determine priorities... .I had mine (more people stay home)... .my wife had hers (people don't stay home... .again... .and again)... .yet somehow magically there is no impact on that.

And... that's manipulative... somehow.

Circling back around... .I may try to feelings thing again just to keep it fresh... .my guess is will be gas on a fire.


FF

I thought it was going to be a calmer morning.  Laundry police just showed up.

Bras are NEVER supposed to be put in the drier... NEVER.

Everyone knows that.

Umm... .forging new ground on bpdfamily.  Do you guys dry your bras?

FF

There's a time and place for everything. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ). IMHO, one can express the Bible by example and it isn't necessary to talk about it in all situations. I'm not the decider in your family but I think your wife uses Bible talk to justify her feelings and so she approaches you with that, rather than discuss her feelings up front. Since your role as Biblical head of family is so important to you, this basically acts as a trigger- gets you into factual Bible mode " prove to me this is in the Bible. Rather than the two of you communicating directly- the Bible is used to justify each of you being right and it becomes a wedge between you. IMHO, I don't think this is appropriate use of the Bible, but I also concede that we may see this differently.

Imagine this though- that if your role as Biblical head of the family included use of the Bible in reverent situations and not in arguments or to settle disagreements, you may find your wife uses this less.

You don't have to tell her her feelings. Just listen to her. FF: I think you are being mean by not letting D 12 go wedding dress shopping. No one else would demand she miss shopping with her older sister she has hardly gotten to spend time with to find her wedding dress.

FF - I hear you, let me think about this.

Now, I have an assignment for you. Watch "Say Yes To The Dress" a few times on TV. There is a reason many women love that show-- so much we even like watching complete strangers try on wedding dresses. It's a big deal FF and I can imagine a huge disappointment if your D can't have her sister with her.

I don't dry my bras, but I do dry my boxer shorts. 

I don't know any guys who own bras, but mine never see the inside of a dryer. Also they're all washed on the gentle cycle in mesh bags.

So... .here is my conundrum.

I do the laundry and bras and delicate things I do on delicate cycle with other delicate things... and nothing that is particularly dirty or stained.

I also now dry those things on delicate (lowest heat) or sometimes the "air fluff" (no heat).

This habit changed a while back when... .wait for it... .you guys can predict this... .my wife complained about things being out air drying... and "nobody does this"...

Now... granted... we had never really talked about "proper bra care"... .I just figured the "nicer" things would be better off to air dry. 

There is nothing of mine that I air dry.

So... .I assumed when she wanted stuff to stop air drying... .

I've been doing it this way for a long time... year or two. 

So... .do I dare ask?  Do I stop washing her stuff? 

To me... .this is perfect example of the kind of BPD thing I back out of... .it just happens to be about bras.

Air dry bras (she is unhappy)... .clothes dry bras (she is unhappy)... .FF doesn't do bras anymore (she is unhappy), yet the last one I have more free time for myself.

Do I let her chose from the 3 choices or do I just pick one and go for it?

FF

Today seems to be the day of outrageous claims.

"Dented cans... bought on sale at the supermarket are ALWAYS unsafe... bacteria forms in the dents... "

Who encouraged (insisted) me to buy these a few years ago as a money saving measure... .?

It came out of nowhere and out of my mouth came... "what... how?" (before realizing it likely wasn't about the cans)  She stomped around a bit saying she had no idea... google it.

Which... I won't.  My understanding is it matters if a seam has been compromised or not.  It's not really a yes or no thing, but a more nuanced complicated thing... .not something for a black and white thinker.


FF

My guess is the LC ST or the ST is over. 

Loud is back... .

Is it wrong to yearn for ST to return.

FF

My W watches this show CONSTANTLY... .followed by the “Dr.Phil” show... .

Laundry... .get Mrs.FF her own laundry basket and tell her (nicely) to do her own laundry !

See, I told you it would “pass”, and the issue would soon be replaced / superimposed over by a brand new issue !

I have a Great War story about wedding dress shopping... .maybe later.

At Church this morning, it was just me and the boy again... .the offertory scripture was out of James, pretty much said “be quick to listen and slow to speak”... .if Incould actually do that... .I would be a lot better off... .

ST (LC) day twelve... .this morning I saw “seering looks”... .this is like a man overboard drill from h3ll  !

Hang in there FF !

“Secure from laundry detail”!

Red5  

Dented cans of beans?

Ever read about the “Franklin Expedition”

I binge watched the series “Terror”... .like the “Tuunbaq”, .you never know when the BPD’ism is going to show up next... .and rip some poor crewman asunder !

Navigating through BPD is at about as fun as trying to find the “northwest passage” aboard HMS Terror or HMS Erebus in the dead of winter... .often we find ourselves locked in the ice pack for the winter, eating beans out of lead lines cans  !

I had fried shrimp for lunch again today... . now me and the boy are looking at used boats... .

You know what they say... .the two happiest daze for a boat owner is the day he buys his boat, and the day he sells it! ... .I could go on and on an entire thread about “boating with BPD” ha ha ha ! I KID YOU NOT !

Whoa-be-tide the poor hapless Non boat skipper caught out on the water when Tuunbaq unmasks ... .ROARRRR !

Keep those dented cans of beans FF, they will be just fine when the SHTF... .take it from a “prepper” that’s gospel Brother !

Steady as she goes!

Red5

So... .I generally do the shopping and cooking... 80%.  My wife does about 20%.

She just gathered the kids and is planning the menus for the next two weeks.  By and large they are resistant.  I've not been asked.

There have been some put down comments about meals up to this point... nobody else has bit... she kinda dropped it.

I can't imagine I would go along with a meal plan I wasn't involved in making.  Should she want to buy it and make it... that's great.

Just trying to think ahead to how I handle this... when, if there is a demand made I follow "the approved plan".

She is talking about all the things "she can make"... .(I'm overhearing)... and it sounds wonderful.

Unless there is a drastic change in her work schedule... I can't imagine she has time for this... perhaps I'm wrong.

Thoughts?

FF

Personally... I don't buy them if there is a dent on a seam, even a small one. 

This is slightly entertaining... .very curious to watch.  Kinda like an anthropologist watching some remote tribe... .

Sigh

FF

Just try not to get triggered by Bible speech. It derails you from the topic at hand.

I wash the bras in the house. I would have been mortified as a teen if my Dad washed my underwear. Mrs FF can wash her own underwear and if a girl is old enough to wear a bra - she’s old enough to wash it. If FFW is complaining she can wash her own bras.

FWIW - my H has never done my laundry or the kids’ laundry or the household laundry ( sheets towels etc) . He has never changed or made a bed. He does his own personal laundry ( what doesn’t go to the cleaners ) but would prefer I did that too.

Me2... .usually after Church and out to eat afterwards I shop for the week... .I am a staples kind of guy... .by this I mean that I keep the basics around and the galley well stocked with “options”.

She does (when she is not pouting ST) cook sometimes but mainly it’s me.

And she isn’t working now as she is on disability... .

She stopped eating anything that I prepare long ago... .it’s very rare now that she would eat anything I make other than say if we grilled something outside... .not so when we were dating, I was a “great cook back then” ha ha ?... .them daze are over now.

I am a meat and potato’s man, you know standard Navy issue/USMC mess hall chow... .Also southern food/soul food, and Asian ;)

S31(A) will eat anything I put in front of him.

I keep enough “stores” on hand to conjure up just about anything, I am no gourmet chef by any means, but Incan make stew, chili mack, meat loaf, spaghetti... .yes, I can rustle up some chow for the crew.

We do eat out quite a lot too,

I M pretty good with the grill, I like to try rubs, and  “maranaids” and the like.

I was single dad for five years... .and I am still of that frame of mind now, if she cooks we eat her chow... .if she’s p-o’ed and being a crank then we “fin for ourselves”... .no worries !

My Grandmother taught me how to cook before I had a drivers license, she told me, and I quote... .“better learn how to fry an egg boy, and how cook up a mess of greens (collards) so you can fin for yourself if you have to”... .thank the good Lord for Granny !

I don’t buy dented cans either !... .or fricken “generic” yuk !

But if I was in a survival situation I would not turn it down !

I like spam too  !

As far as planning meals, my operation is not that big, it’s just me, my son and her, so I’ll cook / prepare what ever “strikes me”, depends on what day it is, and how work went the day... .and if she is “happy” and wants to cook a meal then that’s “Cool Beans” !

The crock pot and the Steamer are two great pieces of gear... .along with the rice cooker and the “wok”... .

Yes... .I was taught the skill of managing and preparing rations long ago.

Right now, me and the boy are “fin’ing for ourselves”

Day twelve of whatever... .I am perfectly capable of running the ship myself when she goes into ODP mode, (own damn program)  

Ahead FULL, turn the ship into the wind! Stand by to recover fixed wing aircraft... .

I can sew too !

Red5

I think that my wife and daughter are going to do a bunch of the cooking.  Ok... .they are great cooks... I'll eat what they provide and be thankful.

Hey... Notwendy, how do you handle kids laundry being done.

There is a logistics problem about others doing their own around here.  1 washer and dryer.


FF

What is important to me is that they know how to do it and will do it, ( which they do )but I am not a stickler for them doing their own all the time. Also I do mix loads of kid's clothes. I don't have 8 like you do. If I did I would probably combine their laundry for efficiency and cost, but have them help out in other ways- but be certain they also knew how to do it.

School work is a priority and they also had part time jobs at times. I feel they are mainly responsible kids, so I don't hold the line on laundry if they are generally responsible- keep grades up, etc. 

Logistics and facilities !

Eight children plus two adults... .that’s ten, they don’t all live at home do they FF?; aren’t a couple on their own now?

I don’t know your children’s ages either (private), but maybe the older ones could do their own laundry semi supervised on assigned days, then the younger ones of course either you or FFw will do... .maybe combine as Wendy says... .if it were me I would keep everyone’s laundry separated with hampers... .I really used to not like having to separate it all when it comes out of the dryer... .when mine were younger say first grade on, I had them to help me fold and put away their clothes... .

Yes... .me, definitely I kept it, and still keep it all separated.

Seven days in the week is seven wash days... .assign certain days to certain groups or single children... .and somewhere in there FF and FFw do theirs too.

Reminds me of that scene for the old movie... .“Yours Mine and Ours (1968)”... .starring Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball  !

If they can figure out laundry on an aircraft carrier this should be an easy day ha ha ha ;)

Red5

One of them is off at another state.

Rest of them are around. 

Breaking news... .if the other tools don't work a BPDish type will break out the big "effe you"... .and slam the door... stomp around the house.

Apparently she asked for something via email... .and I hadn't responded yet... .

I haven't heard that brought out in a long time... .things are "cooking" in BPD land

FF

Umm... I think she just sorta apologized.

After a bath I was relaxing in bed... .trying to get ready to go for a bit longer this evening.

The door to the bedroom flies open... she hops into the room... .a bunch of words were mashed together and I think "sorry" was one of them... .and I think it's dinner time.

She stopped speaking... hopped out of the room and slammed the door.

Hmmm.

FF

^= “ low yield extinction burst “... .ignore it; but “note it”.

I had a question FF, since this has been going on, last Tuesday if I remember... .what are the berthing arangememts ?

Do you and Mrs. FF share the same rack under these circumstances?... .just curious ?... .wasn’t just a few days back that it was “movie night”

I have always understood that when intamacy “happens”, won’t be too far downrange that a flare up will happen... .matter of fact, I can track these events in my marriage... .at least before the great drought came upon the land... .hmmm,

Hang in there... .sometimes we have to take it in half hour increments... .you got your hands full my Brother, you and your family are in my prayers tonight !

Steady as she goes now... .

Deep breaths... .

Red5   

I could have sworn I answered the rack question... .and posted it.  Perhaps I didn't hit the button to finalize it.

Anyway... .two nights ago she racked with me... .although came in late.  (I woke up and there she was).  She had been sleeping elsewhere for several days.

Movie night was 1.5 weeks or so ago... I think.

Last night she slept on the couch.  Looks very uncomfortable to me... whatever.

FF

Are things any better this morning FF?

Red5

It's kinda weird.

She seemed snuggly in bed... .a little bit.  Then got up and was doing the mumbles, where she was likely saying something vague and insulting under her breath.

I used to ask her to clarify since I couldn't understand... but I don't do that anymore.

Who knows.

FF

I think that pwBPD often need a verbal outlet for the uncomfortable feelings and that's why they do that. It's taken me a while to just ignore that toxic verbal crap, which in my husband's case usually consists of loud curse words apropos of nothing. It used to startle me and I'd ask what was going on. Typically he'd say, "Nothing" which was totally incomprehensible to me. How could you suddenly, and loudly use the F word and then say it's nothing?

In the past, sometimes, I'd try to press him for more information, and you can imagine how that worked out.  :(

... .no change at the Red5 domicile either.

The boy and I did chores all day yesterday, she sat on her butt and did needle point and watched her fav shows on the tele... .*Say Yes to the Dress, *Dr, Phil, *Project Runway, *H' Potter... .

Me and the boy did enjoy our "crack pot" full of jalapeno boiled peanuts I made, and I made him his fav for after chores get done, a "coffee milkshake" ; )

At least you and Mrs.FF are hot racking again, it's been thirteen daze since I was ordered out of the master, .

Even though LC/ST is in effect, the occasional snarky remarks from udx W are becoming more "saucy" now as well.

... .I don't bite, I just ignore it... .at least she is keeping her distance, and leaving S31(a) alone... .she has gone after him in the past when she is in this crank mode of hers... .and of course I intercept which makes it (crank mode) even worse... .(RWR Gear blaring in my headset)... .she is leaving his care and daily routine completely up to me, .however she does pick him up from his program in the afternoons while I'm at work, but I have started taking him again in the AM before I go to work, the less time S31(a) is with her when she is like this the better ; (

... .keep in mind she "relieved" his long time mentor I had for him in the afternoons back when she was working full time;... .due to her perceived slight / disrespect from the mentor to her one afternoon... .long story, and another "liver and onions" production brought to you by BPD... .so she takes on the full responsibility of "mentor" (her plan), and then sabotages it... .hmmm,

Apparently during the last rage / shouting match last Thursday was a week ago now (BPD won)... .I uttered the "nuclear option" as she leveled her flame thrower off at my position... .I remember yelling back at her... .(something like) I pay the mortgage... ."THIS IS MY HOUSE"... .and J is MY Son, .NOT yours... .so back the F -> off... .

... .yeah, .she got me... .BPD won.

So yesterday, and the day before that, I heard that all day... ."well it your house"... ."he's your son"... .blah blah blah.

... .ugh  !

Steady as she goes !... ."go on living everyday!",

I wonder how long I can last until I have to pull out the laminated apology chit... .she does not appear to even want to return to the "status quo".

Maybe I don't want to either?

-break-

Another question FF, how long does Mrs. FF usually go before she "lets you back in"... .do you ever agree to disagree?

Hopeful things will get back to magnetic north for you soon FF,

Pardon the "low-yield" highjack operation there ; )

Red5

There is no real pattern to when it's over... .

At the moment I'm taking this as a sign that "I'm dancing a different dance... "... .and she doesn't like it.

FF

Of course she doesn't like it. She wants you to be predictable.

The record for ST is about five weeks for me and udxw, which was brought to a cease fire status by impending Thanksgiving (last year), as kids were coming over... .and also and concurrently... .a bad report from the doc at the c-cntr... ."we have to talk about some things" she said... .yes, that occurred last November as I remember... .I launched another thread in reference/regard to;

Being unpredictable is a good thing imho,

This has always been my personality ; )

She will come to me and ask a "one liner" occasionally, like "are you going to shower tonight"... .or "when are you going to bed"... .or "are you taking J to school in the morning", .I respond "yes", she then says, "well; he's your son"... .

I thought the "evil paver flying monkey flag man" was going to break it (ST), .but after I got home and "validated" her, she went right back to her queue again ... .

Keep dancing FF !

Red5