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Title: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: MomSA on June 11, 2019, 05:08:46 AM I saw a DBT counsellor yesterday and then made a decision...I am not longer going to sacrifice my mental health for my two BPDs (husband and daughter).
I am going to soon be an almost empty nester with my 4th and last child heading off to university in 2020. I am thinking, and enjoying the idea, of finding things for just me to do away from my home. I love my home and it has been the centre of my world for all of us for 24 yrs but I know I need to disappear to do different things daily... What do you do for your "self soothing", time away, own space? Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: FaithHopeLove on June 11, 2019, 05:22:15 AM What do you do for your "self soothing", time away, own space? Great question I do what makes me me. I write. I teach. I preach I participate in social justice activities. I travel extensively both as a missionary and a tourist. I play the harp. I have nice dates with my H. I basically do whatever I would otherwise be doing if this horror show wasn't happening because I still deserve a life. So do you. Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: livednlearned on June 12, 2019, 01:04:10 PM That's a big realization, MomSA! To put yourself first
For me-time: I walk my dog. I put on noise-canceling headphones and close the door and listen to guided meditation once daily, to say hello to myself . I recently learned to play tennis and I'm terrible I love how social it is to play a sport with people who just want to have fun and get together over a game. That's new for me. It's also a good reminder how hard it is to learn a new skill, how you have to show up and practice. I put time into friendships, making an effort to call and stay in touch and check in on friends and go for coffee, a glass of wine, see a movie, meet for lunch. I tend to retreat when I'm sad so I'm trying the DBT opposite action. Therapy is my me-time, too. I love having someone skilled be able to listen between the lines and give me a little adjustment so I stay connected to a healthy perspective. Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: MomSA on June 13, 2019, 02:39:11 AM Great question I do what makes me me. I write. I teach. I preach I participate in social justice activities. I travel extensively both as a missionary and a tourist. I play the harp. I have nice dates with my H. I basically do whatever I would otherwise be doing if this horror show wasn't happening because I still deserve a life. So do you. Lovely Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: MomSA on June 13, 2019, 02:40:50 AM I walk my dog. I recently learned to play tennis and I'm terrible I love how social it is to play a sport with people who just want to have fun and get together over a game. That's new for me. It's also a good reminder how hard it is to learn a new skill, how you have to show up and practice. I put time into friendships, making an effort to call and stay in touch and check in on friends and go for coffee, a glass of wine, see a movie, meet for lunch. I tend to retreat when I'm sad so I'm trying the DBT opposite action. Therapy is my me-time, too. I love having someone skilled be able to listen between the lines and give me a little adjustment so I stay connected to a healthy perspective. Yes, I am a dog walker too Love it. I have recently reached out to 2 old friends who I retreated from, partly embarrassment about how DH behaved in front of them, but I understand now I am not him and they can separate his actions from me. Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: FaithHopeLove on June 13, 2019, 04:05:42 AM I am glad you reconnected with your friends.
Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: nevergupmom on June 15, 2019, 03:03:59 PM Hi MomSA-
This is the key for overcoming! Knowing our identity is not our struggling child. I personally love the beach (which I live 20 minutes away), gardening ( expecially herbs and edibles). I worship regularly and gather with like minded people. I play piano and guitar and just started learning the ukelele. Learning something new is so important to keep your mind engaged. When I get into place of worshipping the Lord, my troubles melt like wax for a short while. I personally can't live without it! Is it easy? No- Often I usually have to push myself to participate in these things but I'm always so glad I did. It makes it so when the next crisis comes, I don't fall to pieces. Looking forward to hearing more from you. nevergumom Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: MomSA on June 16, 2019, 03:07:51 AM Hi MomSA- This is the key for overcoming! Knowing our identity is not our struggling child. I personally love the beach (which I live 20 minutes away), gardening ( expecially herbs and edibles). I worship regularly and gather with like minded people. I play piano and guitar and just started learning the ukelele. Learning something new is so important to keep your mind engaged. When I get into place of worshipping the Lord, my troubles melt like wax for a short while. I personally can't live without it! Is it easy? No- Often I usually have to push myself to participate in these things but I'm always so glad I did. It makes it so when the next crisis comes, I don't fall to pieces. Looking forward to hearing more from you. nevergumom Sounds like you and I could be friends beach, veggie gardening, indigenous gardening and relationship with the Lord... Title: Re: No more sacrificing of myself Post by: nevergupmom on June 16, 2019, 04:18:23 PM Too bad we met because of this heart ache...but we can be strong and see breakthrough in ourselves and our children.
Keep standing. |