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Title: So Much Pain - She just flipped on me Post by: So Lost on October 16, 2019, 01:56:32 PM Hello,
I just got totally rejected and discarded from an 18 month relationship. I was always being accused of cheating and it was the farthest thing from the truth. We had gone through a 1 month split and got back together. Things were back to amazing for 2 months. She completely flipped on me in a 24 hour time frame. I had been asking her what was wrong and she said she was just stressed and needed more time to herself. I said okay and stayed at my own place a night after amazing love making.The next day she told me to come get my things and that she had too many unsettled issues with me in her soul. She is now cold and distant but keeps asking to be friends.. I cannot go there because I am totally annihilated inside. She did say she thought I was going to be breaking up.. I have no idea where this thought came from. Help me to understand and what steps are best for me to take? Title: Re: So Much Pain - She just flipped on me Post by: Radcliff on October 16, 2019, 09:54:49 PM *welcome*
I just wrote this to another member, and it applies well to your situation: This kind of push-pull dynamic is a hallmark of BPD relationships. It can be very confusing, but once we recognize it as a pattern, it can become a little less confusing. pwBPD often have ambivalent feelings about intimacy. They may want it, but it may be scary. So they get close, then push away, then want to get close again. Knowing that this is going on can help us take things less personally. When things are going well, enjoy it, but try to still be observant and mindful about what's going on. If they raise the level of intensity and you want to respond, go for it, but be aware that if you raise the level of intensity, it may scare them. If they pull away, give them some space, but be available for reconnection. While they are in a pulled back mode, use that time for self care activities and to make sure you're not losing touch with other friends and your support network. It's very important for you to not lose touch with your emotional needs and what works for you in a relationship. It would be nice if you could have a conversation with her where she acknowledges how what she did made you feel, and makes you feel safe to come back into the relationship. She may not have the relationship skills for that. When she says she "just wants to be friends," she's saying that the intimacy scared her, and right now, that's what she feels safe with. You can choose to be friends and proceed cautiously, or to distance yourself further. There's no right answer, it depends on your feelings and needs. How are you feeling about things now? RC Title: Re: So Much Pain - She just flipped on me Post by: once removed on October 18, 2019, 08:12:13 AM Excerpt We had gone through a 1 month split and got back together. ... she had too many unsettled issues with me in her soul what happened with the one month split? what led up to it? |