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Title: Taking things to heart Post by: Magpie15 on May 30, 2020, 02:52:28 PM Hi all,
My girlfriend has BPD and fairly often will blow up at me for (what seems to me) absolutely no reason at all. An example of this would be that she perceives I am not as sad as I should be about something bad that has happened to her. I am getting much better at communicating with her in these times but I still find that I hold a lot of resentment after, when she has calmed about it completely. I feel as though I am the one who is the 'bad guy' when in actual fact it is me putting in all the effort to calm her strong emotions. I love her and I accept her BPD, so this is more of a personal development thing. How do I communicate with her sincerely but also take things less personally? Thanks :) Title: Re: Taking things to heart Post by: once removed on June 04, 2020, 04:45:39 AM hi Magpie15, and *welcome*
How do I communicate with her sincerely but also take things less personally this is the million dollar question, huh :( understanding is the way ive found to take things less personally. if im able to focus more on where the other person is coming from, and less on where i am, then im less inclined to defend myself. people with bpd traits are highly sensitive. it can, frankly, be perceived as invalidating if shes blowing up, and youre being super calm. thats not to say you should necessarily react strongly. its that shes telling you what she feels she needs is for someone to experience, to a point, the pain shes going through. perhaps to normalize it, and make her feel connected. if you think about it, weve all been there, where a person isnt reacting as strongly as we think they ought to be, and that tends to heighten our emotions. people with bpd traits do this more regularly. can you give us a recent example of how things played out between the two of you? we can help walk you through it. |