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Title: After 8 years, what am I supposed to do? Post by: MissTajo on May 07, 2021, 04:47:58 AM After my last post in April 12, 2019 a lot has changed.
I honestly thought the BPD was gone but it was sleeping, comatose. It got back and now without therapist or control. My blood pressure and weight has gotten out of control. Doctors say it's due to stress. My job is not stressful, only my relationship is. I'm tired all the time. He wears me down, he is so needy all the time, so insecure, he crashes my soul. But my self esteem is so bad now I just endure it. And I do see my life slipping away from my fingers. My will is basically gone. I, myself, am not here anymore. Title: Re: After 8 years, what am I supposed to do? Post by: formflier on May 07, 2021, 06:57:24 AM :hug: :hug: :hug: Can you give an example of what has changed? As a general statement, when "BPD" pushes in on you...it's important that you find space for yourself. Space to think..relax..reflect. Best, FF Title: Re: After 8 years, what am I supposed to do? Post by: MissTajo on May 07, 2021, 08:37:27 AM :hug: :hug: :hug: Can you give an example of what has changed? As a general statement, when "BPD" pushes in on you...it's important that you find space for yourself. Space to think..relax..reflect. Best, FF It started with little comments, with some malice. For example, I have stopped dying my hair and doing my nails because it made him feel insecure. One day I realized how idiotic that was. So one day I decided to do my nails. And he noticed and he said: when you do your nails it brings me back to when you broke up with me... and I replied: One thing is not connected to the other. And this response triggered him because I was not being supportive of his feelings. My phone ringing suddenly became a trigger for him. Me mentioning my work colleagues (female friends) made him say: I'm sure your work friends hate me. And then came a big one. Last Friday. We were at a cave, above the cave looking in. He jumped over the security fence and swings my backpack like he was going to make it fall. I was scared he might trip or the ground crack, there were warning everywhere to not be there. So I asked him to come back to safety and he went on a spiral of hate towards me. I shut up immediately and just listened to all that. That I was a terrible girlfriend. That I was an hypocrite. That he couldn't stand be around me. He even felt the need to mention his ex (for when we were apart in 2019) had seen a picture of me and said he could have done better. That he was the good looking one. My self esteem never recovered from that and he knows it will be hard to get it back. Title: Re: After 8 years, what am I supposed to do? Post by: formflier on May 07, 2021, 09:25:32 AM I would encourage you to read this article. What is invalidation? (https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating) I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts after you read it. Best, FF |