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I am also a bit confused. Do you let them have their space that they asked for?  
Or do you do no contact (they asked ) yet if you do..do they think you abandoned?

Or do you reach out? I have been NC about 3.5 weeks. first time this long

Plus keep in mind they seem to have fearful avoidant attachment

HELP! Maybe I should make this a thread

I don’t think there’s an easy straightforward answer here.  So much comes to play.  Have you been discarded? Are you just getting devalued? Is the person still “in” the relationship, are they aware of the patterns?

Someone aware just devaluing you may need empathy. Being deleted by someone that is undiagnosed may need no contact.   

Even still there is no magic pill.

Definitely confusing. We had broken up in May, suddenly, very empathetic to me..But it was due to a  problem he has..where it is affecting his ability to be in a relationship while struggling. Told me he loves and always has. He is happy and was very happy. The problem tho he is having a hard time doing us w this thing having a hold on him. We still spoke all the time and din't see each other for 3 weeks. Kind of inched back in w no label, and things have been great. Opening up, etc. Basically dating.   He will not tell me his problem. He seems to get really annoyed and close to his chest about it.Says it will affect whole life.
I went away for the holidays, came back (kept in touch contantly)..Great time. A week later after a great night, upset I never gave him space from the last breakup and he needs to get better and heal. He needs to move on and he can't 'do this' anymore. This dispersed with  comments like I love you feelings don't change, type of things. Confusing for me. He was very upset also saying I was asking alot of questions about he problem back the and he never wanted to talk about it.
Said he needs to not see me and no text (this was complete shock. We have never not spoken in 2+ years). EVERYTHING HAD BEEN FINE. Great actually.
He admitted the problem is still there, but this breakup is to heal from the Breakup #1 and what this (did) and he is stil dealing w that and wants to heal from the relationship. I am totally confused.

Im pissed, but I have given the space.  He is uPwBPD. I thought he has ROCD the way the first break up was. This time it is almost represse/resent..Except his is changing the narrative bc I gave him the space..It is like he doesnt' remember.But last tome he was empathetic and sad..This time he seemed annoyed out of nowhere.

So.I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
I am not 100% sure of the difference between discard and devalue.
We are nc but not blocked. Still on text and social medias tho.

He seems to be aware that he is the problem, and he keeps saying things like he can't do it because he really can't.  HE has admitted not opening up to me, etc (He has extreme fear of vulnerablity, even w minor things..I was his closest tho).

He was "in" with the exception of that weird boundary where he wasn't calling it couple but we  were...I let that happen thinking it was helping his issue. Now we are not togehter. Broken up. He was manipulative our last convo/breakup and I called him on it/

My instinct is not to give a pwBPD space. Just because they want something doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing to do. I don't think the act of giving way will suddenly make them better.

Especially problematic because of 'out of sight, out of mind' is especially strong with pwBPD. Moving on to a new relationship is then just too easy. And it makes it harder to use the tools that you learn here.

But I could be wrong!

Yes thank you and this is the problem. I am not sure if he has it 100% .
I personally don't like no contact. He said it HE is the one who said to move on

I hear that. The problem is I am not 100% if he is. I think he has the traits.
I am not the type and I hear you exactly.The only reason I haven't is bc HE ASKED this time.
It could fit in the avoidant type too.
But he also said he wants to heal. He is the one that needed some weird label for us this summer.
I just can't figure him out so it's like all mind work./guessing.

Im kinda hoping that he reaches out and I can take it from there but it is 3.5 weeks.Maybe he truly needs time I don't know.