Definitely confusing. We had broken up in May, suddenly, very empathetic to me..But it was due to a problem he has..where it is affecting his ability to be in a relationship while struggling. Told me he loves and always has. He is happy and was very happy. The problem tho he is having a hard time doing us w this thing having a hold on him. We still spoke all the time and din't see each other for 3 weeks. Kind of inched back in w no label, and things have been great. Opening up, etc. Basically dating. He will not tell me his problem. He seems to get really annoyed and close to his chest about it.Says it will affect whole life.
I went away for the holidays, came back (kept in touch contantly)..Great time. A week later after a great night, upset I never gave him space from the last breakup and he needs to get better and heal. He needs to move on and he can't 'do this' anymore. This dispersed with comments like I love you feelings don't change, type of things. Confusing for me. He was very upset also saying I was asking alot of questions about he problem back the and he never wanted to talk about it.
Said he needs to not see me and no text (this was complete shock. We have never not spoken in 2+ years). EVERYTHING HAD BEEN FINE. Great actually.
He admitted the problem is still there, but this breakup is to heal from the Breakup #1 and what this (did) and he is stil dealing w that and wants to heal from the relationship. I am totally confused.
Im pissed, but I have given the space. He is uPwBPD. I thought he has ROCD the way the first break up was. This time it is almost represse/resent..Except his is changing the narrative bc I gave him the space..It is like he doesnt' remember.But last tome he was empathetic and sad..This time he seemed annoyed out of nowhere.
So.I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
I am not 100% sure of the difference between discard and devalue.
We are nc but not blocked. Still on text and social medias tho.
He seems to be aware that he is the problem, and he keeps saying things like he can't do it because he really can't. HE has admitted not opening up to me, etc (He has extreme fear of vulnerablity, even w minor things..I was his closest tho).
He was "in" with the exception of that weird boundary where he wasn't calling it couple but we were...I let that happen thinking it was helping his issue. Now we are not togehter. Broken up. He was manipulative our last convo/breakup and I called him on it/
I don’t think there’s an easy straightforward answer here. So much comes to play. Have you been discarded? Are you just getting devalued? Is the person still “in” the relationship, are they aware of the patterns?
Someone aware just devaluing you may need empathy. Being deleted by someone that is undiagnosed may need no contact.
Even still there is no magic pill.
