BPDFamily.com

I’ve been been separated from my exuBPDw
for almost 10 years. She left when she started a r/s with another man while still married and living together. When that r/started to become more serious and she felt like it was stable enough she left me for him.

My ex MIL, my exuBPDw’s mom passed away a two Saturday’s ago. I got a text really early on Saturday I couldn’t read it without my glasses, I could make out that it came from her and thought that it can wait until later. Her mom had just passed in the hospital and she wanted to come over yet to break the news to the kids which I obviously agreed on but it felt like she wanted to share the news with me so that I could offer her support.

Next week, I’m moving my fiancé in and her son. We’ve been moving in her things and there’s a lot of her decor at my house, you can tell that things are changing at my house and that I’m going to be living with someone else. My ex dropped something off today and I’m sure that she notice my fiancée’s stuff and she was not making eye contact. It made me wonder if there’s a part of her that thought that we’re going to get together again after  being split apart for 10 years. I asked her if she got her phone sorted out ( she’s taking her mom’s phone and giving it to my S10 and taking his phone) and she said that she had to go to her mom’s ( out of town ) this weekend to her moms stuff sorted out.

I have noticed that she’s been messaging me more since here mom passed and reaching out more. I share my condolences with her a couple of weeks ago. Even with all of the complexities from our past r/s I still felt bad that her mom, an attachment has been lost. I think that her mom was one that offered her a lot of support.

Im happy that my fiancé is moving in, I proposed to her in March and we’ve been seeing each other since Sept 2017. I spent a lot of time getting to know her before taking the next step. It was the complete opposite with my ex because we rushed things so quickly and didn’t have a chance to know her or see some of the more undesirable things about her personality.

Mutt,

Thank you for posting. It always makes me feel validated when I read about the experiences of the senior people here who have lived through so much and have rebuilt their lives. And that even you all experience and cope with the aftermath of your relationship with your ex-pwBPD.

I hope that your new life is happy and that your ex can find the support she needs as she grieves the loss of her mother without trying to insinuate herself back into yours.

First, congratulations, brother, on the coming nuptials and blending your families now.   :wee:

I'm sure that your fiancée knows about your history and struggles, but hopefully she'll give you grace to be kind to the mother of your children... and hopefully TMOYC will extend respect as well.

How are your kids taking the passing of grandma?

Mutt, first congratulations my fellow comrade. Second, I truly appreciate what you did here. This is powerful and inspiring, and provides hope to new and old members alike.

Cheers and best wishes Good Sir!

-SC-

I wish her the best of luck as well. I did tell my fiancé that my ex has a pattern and that there may be some weird stuff directed my way.


Thanks Turk!   |iiii


That’s a nice sentiment. Thank you.


I think that they’re coping all right. It hit the oldest D16 the hardest from what I can tell. S14 is autistic and when I asked him he said that it didn’t really affect him he was t that close to his grandmother. I said sometimes it hits you later in it’s normal to not feel anything right away sometimes. I think that is his compartment but that’s fine he’s a sweet kid.

When exuBPDw came to my house to share the news it was around noon. I had told the kids that mom was going to come to share some news with us. He asked what it was and then about 30 minutes later he came to me at home and asked if there was something bad that happened. He said Simone died right? I said wait until your mom arrives.

She told them what happened about an hour after he had asked me. My exuBPDw said to S10 “what did I tell you about other people needing hugs sometimes?” He didn’t really say or react to it, he probably starting processing some of it before she got there and I didn’t like how she made it about herself.

She’s not really good with empathy. I sat beside him and said I’m sorry about the news about Nanny. Its ok if you want to cry and then tears started flowing down his eyes. I told him that if he wants to talk about it he can d he doesn’t want to talk about it that’s fine too.


Cheers and thanks! I’m thankful for all of the members here that helped me and that help each other to get through this. There’s a lot of moving parts after a break up, a support network here, support network in real like with family and friends, a T or a P etc. I had to get my depression and anxiety under control and that meant medication, exercise, taking meds for a period for sleep, eating well, lots of self care.

That being said, probably the biggest ingredient that helped me on this path was this board and the members on this board. I’m grateful for all of your help.

Sorry to hear of your ex’s mom’s passing, and you’re all in our prayers! Congrats on the upcoming wedding and rebuilding your life. Gives us all hope! Thanks for the post :)

Mutt,

You have given back 10 fold.  The many paragraphs you have written to help me 6-8 years ago has been invaluable. 

Thank u!  Congrats on finance. 

Sluggo