BPDFamily.com

Hi. I’m looking for some support. I have been trying to leave my husband for about 2 years and it has been very hard on me. I have tried to help him move on and get help for a long time. I had hoped that we could maybe work things out for the children but it seems that is not to be. I know that I was right to leave but it was very hard leaving for a whole variety of reasons and had I not had a therapist and a great family and friendship group I would have been lost. I’m struggling because he has found a new girlfriend. I know I should be grateful because I will no longer be the focus of his emotions and I can recover but it hurts so bad. Does anyone have any advice for surviving this bit?

 This is a common place to be after BPD relationship. When they move on it happens suddenly and they forget you quickly. Your mind is in the right place but because of their disordered behavior your emotions take time to catch up. Keep focusing on yourself and the children, eventually your emotions will catch up with logic. See they don’t have that logic bit so they don’t have that transition which throws you off balance. With time you will be in a better place while he will continue living the same pattern of endless inner turmoil.

I can imagine how hard it must be.

Maybe I can help with some perspective.

My uBPDw was previously married and our relationship started quickly and deeply after they were divorced. I realize now that she should have had more time, transition before jumping into another marriage. But the former husband continued to be an emotional punching bag. Then I became the emotional punching bag.

He might have a new relationship but the crazy making follows him, not you.

Note: we've been married over ten years and it hasn't been since the last couple of years that I realize and learned about the BPD dynamic. So at the time life was seen through a different lens and no insight that the crazy making came from mental health.