Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 23, 2017, 02:06:14 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Why do we employ self defeating behaviors to resolve relationship conflict Sound off here!
Administrator: heartandwhole
Moderators: Meili, once removed
Member support team: DaddyBear77, Flourdust, Tattered Heart, Turkish, wendydarling, Woolspinner2000
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
Depression. Even mild depression makes it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Depression is the most common of all mental health problems affecting one in every four adults to some degree, and 81% of our members. Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 ... 6  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Can people with BPD really love?  (Read 11785 times)
Metta
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 105


« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2010, 06:19:04 PM »

Dear Butterfly,

Avoid this man. Do not allow him contact. I don't like his indecent proposal to you. Yuck!

Can they love?

Mine would declare his love for me constantly, even when he had returned to an ex.

I finally decided that I didn't care if he thought he loved me or not. He probably loved some fantasy image of me and not the real woman I am.

I've given up trying to figure out if he loved me.

All I know is that all the pain and drama he caused me were not loving actions. I need love to be enacted through respect, courage and some tenderness. But mostly courage and respect, which he never had for himself or gave to me.
Logged
ARE YOU ON THE RIGHT BOARD?
All members still incontact with their partner should learn to use the basic relationship tools to better manage the day to day interactions.
If you are evaluating a decision to stay or leave, please post on Conflicted and Deciding
Butterfly03
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 355


« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2010, 08:23:37 PM »

Oh my goodness me look at all the reply posts! Thank you so much guys

Well after receiving a "goodnite. i miss you" and a "good morning" text off the exBPDbf while he is staying at his new flames...I have decided to go NC FINALLY!

My psychologist told me there are three stages after a relationship break up

1  grief of loss  ...done that been there ended up in hospital!

2  the "what ifs?"...yep done that too!

3 the anger stage...well guess what im there...all I can say what an hit_ but "Thank you" to myexBPDbf for showing your true colours over he last week he sure did validate alot of questions in my head for oh so long!

But here you go a$$hole...

You used me

You cheated on me

You lied to me

You manipulated me

You controlled me

You isolated me

You threatened me

You abused me

You disrespected me...NO YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE...

                So this song is for you my exBPDbf

                Goodbye and Good riddence and I wish your new flame the best of luck grin lol lol lol lol oh if she only knew oh but thats right I would of been the horrible one...www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAzkYmBZpE0

Butterfly

Logged
GCD145
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 1087


« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2010, 08:32:52 PM »

Well after receiving a "goodnite. i miss you" and a "good morning" text off the exBPDbf while he is staying at his new flames...I have decided to go NC FINALLY!

Good for you  Doing the right thing  !

It's easiest when you make it impossible for them to contact you.  Email blocks are really important, and consider changing your phone number.

Be strong,

GCD145
Logged
kly
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1061


« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2010, 01:03:00 AM »

KICK ASS ! BUTTERFLY !  Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing  
Logged
Valentine09
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 758


« Reply #24 on: February 10, 2010, 01:21:15 AM »

KICK ASS ! BUTTERFLY !  Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing  

I second that  cheesy
Logged
kj1234
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1626


« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2010, 01:46:14 AM »

KICK ASS ! BUTTERFLY !  Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing   Doing the right thing  

I third that!  Doing the right thing
Logged
Butterfly03
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 355


« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2010, 12:44:30 AM »

I am just going to vent here so excuse me guys...i have been looking back not in a reminiscing way but a "oh my god"  Idea way i am remember times when i had been manipulated to meet his needs and no body elses and i am angry and i feel so bloody used and stupid but i suppose the saying "love makes you blind" is really true! it is amazing how when you start to stand up for yourself and dont take their hit_ and they work out that your over their crap and dont meet "THEIR" needs anymore they drop you like a hot rag and so easily hop onto the next victim without a bat of an eye. they make you to be the worse in the world to the next victim so they feel "secure" that the ex aint a round but they still bug you and tell you that they "miss you" and try to drag you along for the ride "just in case" it doesnt work out with the next person. My eyes have been opened up so much over the last two weeks and so many things have been validated and feel at ease inside to know that it wasnt me and i wasn't a paranoid girlfriend he really did cheat on me he really was lying to me over and over again...i wish i could warn this single mother of two boys what she has got but i know she would not believe me im just the crazy ex...he has already emotionally cheated on her and more than likely has already lied to her it is just a vivious cycle...will he ever get it? will he ever understand what real love is? you dont tell people what they want to hear to get what you want, you dont say you love someone to get your needs fulfillied, i have never met such a selfish person in all my life, so greedy, so manipulative it is disgusting and it makes me sick that i loved someone like that !   

Butterfly
Logged
Valentine09
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 758


« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2010, 01:07:04 AM »

you dont tell people what they want to hear to get what you want, you dont say you love someone to get your needs fulfillied, i have never met such a selfish person in all my life, so greedy, so manipulative it is disgusting and it makes me sick that i loved someone like that !  

Butterfly

I feel the same way.  Mine told me she loved me one week and was gone for good two weeks later.  What they do should be illegal.  At least there should be some way to report them   lol    It wouldn't be as bad if they just left us alone after they leave us...but they like to torture us, and that's just evil.
Logged
Butterfly03
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 355


« Reply #28 on: February 11, 2010, 04:00:17 AM »

Yes I know Valentine! Whats the deal with that? why on earth do they turn around after dumping your ass for someone else and say they want to be friends and send you "i miss yous" "goodnight" and "goodmorning" text messages when there with the one they choose over you if there so great give them all of your time and attention you just dont do that it is emotional cheating to me...ive gone NC anyways i was over the messages and the invitations to his place when his girl wasnt around I respect myself too much...

butterfly
Logged
kj1234
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1626


« Reply #29 on: February 11, 2010, 10:54:14 AM »

Butterfly, I found myself saying, I guess love really is blind and ignorance is bliss (but not quite), after all the realities started to hit me.

  What they do should be illegal.  At least there should be some way to report them   lol

I recommend prenuptial agreements.  Marriage is supposed to be a "contract", but most states now have "no-fault" divorce, which pretty much means the contract has no validity and can not be used to protect either party from the other's actions, even in the case of adultery.  The typical court rules may allow you to retrieve some monetary things taken from you, maybe, but those rules are a bit of "pot luck" also because the equitable distribution is not necessarily equitable in the context of the devoided marriage contract.  I, myself, seem to have been lucky (or partially smart just by chance) this time.  She tried to get the money, but it appears she will have to give instead.  I'll call that justice by luck.
Logged
Links and Information
CLINICAL INFORMATION
The Big Picture
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Get Someone into Therapy
Treatment of BPD
Full Clinical Definition
Top 50 Questions

EDITORIAL DEPARTMENTS
My Child has BPD
My Parent/Sibling has BPD
My Significant Other has BPD
Recovering a Breakup
My Failing Romance
Endorsed Books
Archived Articles

RELATIONSHIP TOOLS
How to Stop Reacting
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools

MESSAGEBOARD GENERAL
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory
Suicidal Ideation
Domestic Violence
ABOUT US
Mission
Policy and Disclaimers
Professional Endorsements
Wikipedia
Facebook

Google+(Member)
Google+ (Professional)
BPDFamily.org

Your Account
Settings

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account


Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 ... 6  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  



Just been thrown from the roller coaster? Stepping off? Are you emotionally raw? Is your self-esteem crashing? Work with us to get to steady ground.

Welcome
What is BPD?
Should I post on this board?

Articles
Clinical Information
Self-help Material


The Lessons
1. Healing - the big picture
2. Understand your situation


The five stages of Detachment

1 Acknowledgment- we begin by acknowledging and working with our feelings.

2 Self-Inquiry- we then probe the feelings - it's important to find a way to explore your feelings that allows you both to be present with them and to stand a little aside from them.

3 Processing- become aware of what has been useful in the journey you've just taken, regardless of how it all turned out.

4 Creative Action- start something new with real enthusiasm for the doing of it, rather than out of the need to prove something.

5 Freedom - the stage when thinking about your loss (or the thing you desire) doesn't interfere with your normal feelings of well-being.


Workshops
Participate Here

Frequently asked questions
... about BPD.
... about using the board.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2017, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!