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Think About It... Acceptance doesn't mean you approve; it doesn't mean you're happy about something; it doesn't mean you won't work to change the situation or your response to it, but it does mean that you acknowledge reality as it is--with all its sadness, humor, irony, and gifts--at a particular point in time...~ Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D., LCSW, Surviving a Borderline Parent
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Author Topic: I miss my son  (Read 497 times)
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Posts: 770

« on: January 24, 2013, 09:53:16 PM »

I just need to say that out loud! 

Yes he drives me nuts but he's 1500 miles away in jail and I just want to give him a hug. 

When I visited him in jail over Christmas we had that glass wall between us so I couldn't even touch him and the visits are limited to 30 minutes.  Also you are only allowed 2 visits a week.

And when he calls it's $17 for 15 minutes.  And there is a max on how much money you can put on your phone per month so it's not like he can call every night. 

We have to manage our phone time carefully so we don't run out for the month.

So I'm having a blue night.
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
If you are no longer in contact with your child please post on Estranged from a Son or Daughter Suffering From BPD.
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Posts: 9588

we can all evolve into someone beautiful

« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2013, 09:59:50 PM »

Aww cfh   

I'm sorry you can't just reach out and hug him or call him to hear his voice.  It is so hard...   waiting.  When my d was away I would carry my phone with me from room to room just in case she called earlier than scheduled.  I was so upset when a therapy call was cancelled...   and there were nights I cried myself to sleep missing her so badly.  The only way I got through was knowing she was safe and she was getting help...   my mantra...   "this is a blessing, she will be home when she is well, I can see her next month, I can talk to her soon, we are all going to be ok."  It helped me get through the roughest times.



BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
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Posts: 135

« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2013, 10:35:44 PM »

Of course you do! It IS hard waiting and even more so being heavily restricted like you are. I too, miss my dd15 - she has never been away for so long (going on 5 months) and I too, anticipate going to see her 3200 miles away. However, she wouldn't be where she is if it wasn't for the actions that brought her there...   not much help yet the reminder (for me) is very much needed when she gets homesick or I start missing her too much. Have yourself a "you" night: read a book, watch a movie, take a bath, get some sleep etc...   whatever it takes to take care of you

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Posts: 770

« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2013, 10:51:13 PM »

Momontherun, Lbj

Thanks.  Watching Downton Abbey is my treat tonight and lbj I carry my phone everywhere!  If I run down to do laundry or I'm sitting in a movie theatre (I'll have it on vibrate).  Just in case he calls because there is no schedule.  He calls when he can though he tries to call at a certain time at night when he knows we will both be home.

He said that next time I visit we'll be in a room without the glass...   life's small pleasures!
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Posts: 9588

we can all evolve into someone beautiful

« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2013, 11:00:11 PM »

To get to touch him and be close to him will be so wonderful for you both.


BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
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Posts: 4887

« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2013, 11:40:01 PM »

cfh - do you have a plan for a visit? It is so hard, the waiting. And not knowing the outcome of his case. When is his next hearing?

I have visited in the room in this jail. There are some restrictions on contact - it is way better than the glass - sitting face to face. Visited my SIL with DD and also with gd7 back when she was a crawling baby. And I know the phone part too. Such pain we bear. Remember that he is safe, not using drugs, is eating, sleeiping etc. -- and he seems to feel safe here as well. He has been far away for awhile and in not as good a place before.

Keep you hope -- qcr  

The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
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« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2013, 12:36:10 AM »


I know you know!  We have a phone call with the lawyer tomorrow and his next court date is the first week of February.  I plan to go out in the next couple of weeks.

The goal is to have this tried as a mental illness case and get him transferred back to NY.  Ideally with a mandate for long term treatment but worst case would be 3 years prison time.

If he has to do time we are going to push for it to be in NY.

The interstate compact act gets in the way but we are hopeful.

He has such huge challenges ahead but he always does better when he has family nearby.

If we can get him back here he has a big extended family who understand his struggles and are very supportive.  He's a handful but very charismatic.  Loves his family (when he doesn't hate us).

For now I really think he feels safe because of the structure.

So far he is not getting into any fights and is actively seeking any mental health services they have.  I know he is also trying to get the docs to prescribe any Rx to make him feel loopy but there's nothing I can do about that.  He loves drugs. 
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« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2013, 01:03:22 AM »


Vivek     (one for you, one for your boy) sending love to you both

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« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2013, 12:56:04 PM »

I so understand. I find myself hugging the phone and pictures he sends by email. I dont miss his drama but I miss him so much...   prayers of peace to you...  
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« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2013, 02:39:59 PM »

I write about my dd and scrapbook from messages on fb and our texts.  It helps me deal with the lonliness as well as feeling some connection.

Missing vcan be so sad and lonley.  Thanks for sharing it with us.
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