Hello

[Ton]

I have an adult son with Bpd.  He's been diagnosed 16 years ago.  He was doing ok but stopped his antidepressant.  He became very hostile and started blaming for his illness.  I ignored it because it usually would fade out and he would be ok.  This time it didn't. He recently hit my sister and I.  He's never physically hurt us before. We told him he had to leave. he went to live with his father.  After about a 2 months, he hit his father.  He now lives in a shelter and has cut off everyone from his family except for his brother.  His brother tries to help him but it's getting difficult. My Bpd son started going to the gym and working out.  Since no one has pressed charges against him for hitting, he acts like he is invincible.  He gets arrogant and tells lies about us.  It hurts so badly.  I decided to love him from a distance.  I just hope he's safe.  He's 33 but acts like a 17 year old.I try to let go wth love but some days are really hard.  It's like I've lossed him.  Like he no longer exist.  I'm so sad.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Ton:   
I'm so very sorry about the situation with your son.  Do you know how long he has been off his antidepressants?  Some people go off them because of certain side effects. Has he ever had any therapy?

Are you doing anything to take care of yourself and help manage your stress?  Loving him from a distance sounds like a safe approach. 

You might find this thread on Radical Acceptance helpful to support your current situation:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90041.0;all

At the upper right of this post, there are a lot of links to lessons that you might find helpful.  Reading about  FOG, and BOUNDARIES could be a good place to start reading.