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WHAT TO INCLUDE IN A MESSAGE TO A NEWBIE? |
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Excellence in greeting a newbie is not about sharing your story... it's about connecting with theirs... engaging the new member in dialogue. Success is getting a newbie to respond to you.
Regular members often don't understand this, so as Ambassadors, we want to lead by example...  1. Paraphrase and Ask a Question- Newbies want to be heard and understood. Focus on their story, not your own. Paraphrase something they wrote and ask a compelling question. No one hears them in their real life. Paraphrasing what they say is a very effective way to show that you are listening (grasping what they are saying). Questions will help engage new members in a dialogue. Feeling questions are the best... how you feel when... Fact questions are good... what happened the following day. Try to avoid generic questions like... tell me more... or highly specific questions like... what are the ages of your children. 2. Be Validating and Centering - Newbies are often in a frenzied state or clouded by cognitive distortions when they first arrive. Many members are, too. Validate their feelings, be compassionate. Don't judge the people with BPD in their life. Don't inflame anger of feeling of injustice. Gently guide them toward a balanced perspective without being invalidating about it. Resist the temptation to judge the BPD in their life or stoke the newbie's anger, indignation, frustrations - when they cool down they may not want to come back to BPDFamily where their loved one is so judged. We've seen this many times. 3. Focus on the Positive and Build Credibility - Newbies want hope - not helplessness. Assure them that they can survive, even thrive. Tell them something insightful. Use knowledge or perspective to build trust. There is not a lot of that on the Internet. We can always make a hope and encouragement statements. Instead of "your husband is whack, run" we can say "many members have turned their lives around here". Motivating members is compelling them. Sharing an insightful tidbit from a site article for example, is a direct way to show that we are not just another superficial, glib, one-size-fits-all website. Don't be an answer man (e.g., responding to posts like a question and answer session) or "tell them how it is" - both are often a turn off and a conversation ender. Re-homing- Don't forget to check that they have homed themselves to the correct board and if not, ask another ambassador to relocate the thread. See Homing Model. Link: Things to Say to Newbies |