BPDFamily.com

Hi.

I think the hardest thing for me is trying to comprehend how my ex could just drop me. Is that commonplace with BPDs? Are they able to drop someone and go straight into NC? And do BPDs usually make sure they have a replacement lined up before doing so?

I don't have any proof but my gut tells me my ex had someone lined up. She was supposed to spend the Christmas holidays with me and my family. She came here and left the next day. With the exception of one phone call and a few text messages it have been final.

Just wondering if this behavior is commonplace.

Thanks guys and gals!

I am sorry that you are going through this.

It seems like a typical story here.  Personally, I don't think it can be said with certainty that they always have a serious, romantic replacement lined up.  They can certainly go into complete NC pretty abruptly.  In my experience, even upon the "final" breakup, the pwBPD will still attempt to maintain some passive connection to you via social media or other means (although I have read stories on here where that was not the case).  I think it's likely for the pwBPD to go 100% NC for a couple weeks, months, or even years, but then maybe have contact with you.   

In my experience, it seemed like my BPDex-fiancee would oftentimes pull away when things were going especially good or when there was some point of sustained or intense emotional intimacy -- so the timing of her running after one day with your family does not surprise me. 

While we can't say for sure if your ex had a replacement lined up.  I know my exBPDgf had a replacement lined up before she left.  When they totally drop off the face of the earth that is usually but not always a sign that there is a replacement.  It can mean that the replacement is currently meeting their "needs".  If I were you I would also drop off the face of the earth from her, no texts, no emails, no phone calls.  She knows how to reach you if she needs you but usually when they reach out to you enough time has passed that you are at a different place. Take it as a gift that she would disappear off the face of the earth without any contact.  Normal people do not just fall off the face of the earth.  They do it because it's easier for them to deal with it, it's all about them, not you.  If she ever contacts you always remember how she treated you by disappearing from your life.

Whether there is a replacement or not the best thing to do for yourself is to focus on taking care of yourself.  In time you may or may not know the full truth about why she disappeared.  But in the meantime focus on yourself and taking care of yourself.

Thanks guys,

I've been real strong about not contacting her. There have been points in the last few weeks where I wanted to lash out. I also thought about writing and email to her and cc'ing her parents, just voicing my displeasure about the way I was treated.

But everytime I think about doing that I stop myself because I realize... .Will it really make a difference? It won't! I know that she probably facebook stalks me. We are not friends but it has been her pattern to look up people on facebook, regardless if she was friends or not with them.

I know she will contact me again someday. I also know I am not going to forget what she has done to me. I will be able to forgive her illness.

I think it's comforting to know that it was not me, and it was her and her illness. I know ultimately I will be better off. You guys know this... .When I am ready to date again, the process, is just so exhausting. Perhaps with all the time I plan on serving myself and dealing with my own co-dependancy issues I will attract someone who is healthy.

That is the one thing I am afraid of. I seem to be attracted to those types. I don't ever want to go through this again.

Sorry that you are going through this. As Tim had mentioned, they tend to pull away at a point of time that have come closest to you (and ironically, their ultimate goal). My exfiance had just moved into my home. We had cleared some hurdles in terms of some huge projects and were beginning to plan our wedding, vacations, parties at the house etc... .The great future that we always both wanted was finally here. We otherwise had a good relationship, never arguing or disagreeing to speak of.

I went out of town and received the normal texts in the morning and then one in the afternoon that said, "our relationship is over, I have moved out, DON'T try to contact me". She then blocked me in every possible way of contacting her (including facebook where she unfreinded mutual friends and, somehow, compelled her friends to do the same which they did. This after only a week prior they were all singing high praises of me and thankful that she had finally met 'someone good'. We were together for over 2 years.

It has been 4 months since I have spoke to her. I attempted to circumvent the blocks a couple of times and that was met with a call from the cops and an attorney threatening to file a PPO for stalking and harassment against me (this felt like someone stuck a sword through my heart). I am now 100% no contact whit her (as if I have a choice).

mine tends to not replace for some odd reason. In between all of her relationships, she never went after anyone else. Even during our recycles she did not and told me that she never would (and I believe her). Even though I have not spoken with her, I am pretty sure that she is not with anyone else (though I could be wrong). As for FB, I KNOW that she was stalking me as I kept my profile public and caught her in a ruse that I came up with... .log story.

As Tim had mentioned, they usually come back because the disorder does not allow them to detach. It could take weeks, months or years but they usually do. The question is: do we really want tot talk to them... .

PS If you WANT her to contact you; the best advice is to go 100% NC and that includes looking at her FB, talking to mutual friends, etc.

Yes. In my opinion it's one of the main signs of BPD.

The BPD woman i was involved with pretty much avoids all communication with me even though we have a child together. I have to coordinate everything regarding my child through her mother because quite frankly i don't want to deal with her either. She also has kids from the guy i replaced (the guy has custody of those kids) and it's the same story there. She doesn't communicate at all with the other guy and everything is done through the grandparents. She just had ANOTHER baby and if i were a gambling man i would wager large sums of money that she'll be in the same predicament with the latest bundle of joy within a  year or two.

JRT

Thats unbelievable!

I thought being dumped after losing my job and three days before Christmas was awful. I think it is safe to say that we are all veterans of this awful plague.

I'm really surprised that there isn't more mainstream attention with this disorder.

It's like, how can you do that?

Its funny, my ex was engaged to some guy in NC and she moved there and wound up moving out. I wonder if it was a similar situation? She always painted him black... .

My uBPDex left me three weeks after we moved in together. For one and a half we were searching for the perfect house for us and her children, the time before she breakup with me was filled with making plans, renovating the house, buying new furniture... .I was unpacking some removal crates in the living room, went into the kitchen to ask her if she is ok and she said "No, nothing is ok, I met somebody else. I love him, he is the love of my life."

I've seen this written more than a few times on this board.  Thinking of my own experience, I would not say that this is always the case.  PwBPD are on such emotional rollercoasters, it's difficult to tell what strategy might work when.  Sometimes a pwBPD might want to communicate with you but for one of various reasons won't want to be the one initiating (e.g., doesn't want to hurt you, is afraid that you have lost interest or that she's not good enough for you, etc.).  So, I would say, sometimes not reaching out is the best way to establish communication with her; but sometimes reaching out is the best way.  If someone is nonresponsive after a series of attempts from you, I would just give it a break and maybe send an email for a birthday or holiday at a much later date.  This is assuming that you want to have some form of contact with the person -- if you read enough about BPD and have some time out of the FOG you might not want to.

Tough to say.  Because she has BPD I would say 95% yes, the BPD killed the relationship, the guy was probably a perfectly fine guy.  Also, I don't know too many guys who are eager to haphazardly propose if they don't intend on following through. 

I still can't believe there's so many guys out there that are so quick to propose to anyone, BPD or not. The BPD's 3rd replacement after me (6 months post b/u) proposed to her within a couple of months. She was caught cheating a few months later and ended up pregnant and engaged to someone else immediatley after. And she walks around like this is all normal.

It's so embarassing to have any sort of affiliation with that train wreck.

Wow.  I had a very similar experience (although with slightly different nasty quotes).  We lasted about 5 weeks of living together before things started getting rocky.  After 10 weeks together it was over.  We had been together for 2.5 years and known each other for more than 10 years.  Just before this final breakup we had been planning where our unborn children would go to school, where we would take family holiday photos, etc.

I held out on proposing to my pwBPD for 1.5 years even though I had already known her for 10 years.  If I propose to another girl, I'm going to try to hold out until 2 years have passed.  If it was 2 months, I suspect she really came out begging for a ring (which I'm sure she'll deny later).   

I am afraid as others say (and it is all over this Board) it is very common behaviour for pwBPD.

Just like to ad some more.

DPB is not only a spectrum disorder, but pwBPD are, like us, humans with their flaws, ups and downs.

= some drop people unexpectedly and cut them total off. Never to come back. Not only partners, also parents, relatives and friends too.

= some drop people unexpectedly and cut them total off, do come back even after a 25 yrs.

= some test only the water after a period, mostly out of need.

= some try to recycle after a period, mostly out of need.

I posted this before, written by a pwBPD, the Switch:  feelings on  -  feelings off

“we” sincerely love you and “hate” you as you are then perceived not to be trustworthy.

“we” however love you still… and have a deeply hope you reach out, “we” can’t .

The more you reach out, the more “we” feel you care, the more “we” get frightened.

But hate is care, it is not indifference.

In order to avoid all that pain, “we” m u s t cut you out, as the pain of losing the one “we” love the most hurts so much more. Remains 1 option, switch emotions of and move on…

How common it seems, pwBPD do not always have a replacement lined up, do not always cheat on their partners.

I agree it occurs really more often, which can be explained by DSM criteria in mind.

In the back of my mind I think about those suffering from a Midlife Crisis. How often do they suddenly abandon their partner/kids (leaving them devastated behind) as they suddenly met their “real love”? 

These people do not suffer from BPD, though show the same devastating behaviour.

As mentioned in this topic, the grand final in which pwBPD dumps other, seems to be at the moment we were the closest they have.

However, keep in mind the devaluation started long time ago, before you noticed it.

It could have been their interpretation (feelings = facts) of our action/response (which for us absolutely not significant) which triggered a fear of us not being trustworthy, not being the one who showed enough love, etc.

YES! Yes! Yes!  

I agree.  It is amazing.  This illness is so devastating.  People must be informed about this.  It's such a crazy disorder that when I try to explain it to people they just don't get it -- most will think that you are just a jilted lover or that you are a fool because they would have been able to spot mental illness right away (which we here know is not the case).  At least the Internet is providing knowledge about BPD to people like us -- even though this seems to be after most of us have been gravely affected.  It is truly a shame that there's not real public awareness about this at all.

We feel you on this.  It took me about a year to get over how I was treated by my exBPDgf.  I didn't really date anyone during that year because like you I felt it was exhausting.  But once you get into a normal relationship you will see it is not exhausting at all.  It's been over 2 1/2 years since I last saw or heard from my exBPDgf, I wish her well, but I would not want to be associated with her in any way now or in the future.  Not after the way she treated me and discarded me.  I'm in a normal relationship now about to get married to a normal woman.  

The sad part has been that there are instances in my current relationship where I was expecting my current fiancé to act a certain way (because of my experiences with my exBPDgf), however when you are in a normal relationship like I am with my fiancé the way you handle situations is different than with a person who has BPD.  The takeaway is even when you start a new normal relationship there will be a little bit of memory because of what you experienced in your BPD relationship.  Over time the memory affects you less and less.

Where there is smoke, there is fire. My ex's ex's had all victimized her, of course.

However, keep in mind the devaluation started long time ago, before you noticed it. [/quote]
I am sure that there is an exception to every story but I ask this: how could that be in my case: a week before, we went to get rings made, 2 weeks before that, she moved in. If she was devaluing me, wouldn't there be movement in the opposite direction?

I can pretty much tell that that her trigger was one or two things.

a) I reached out to her mother in early Nov to find out what her deal is and she expressed to me that this happened before. She said that she experienced the same issues with her dad she had divorced. She wound up taking a lesbian lover after that. She found out that I talked to her mom privately and she was pissed. She still has issues with her mom.

b) I got sick of her not publicizing our relationship on facebook so I tagged her in a pic from a run I did with her on Thanksgiving weekend. Funny enough, she never let it post on her profile. Mind, I was her boyfriend. I followed that up by adding her family on FB. I think that added to it as well.

Yes it is common. I came home work and she had moved out and changed her number. She never said one word to me. She also stalked me, now why would a normal woman dump you with no warning, not tell you then go no contact? A sociopath or BPD that's who. I'm so sorry for your situation. I feel your pain my friend. I do.

Tim300:

Your below quote:

"PwBPD are on such emotional rollercoasters, it's difficult to tell what strategy might work when.  Sometimes a pwBPD might want to communicate with you but for one of various reasons won't want to be the one initiating (e.g., doesn't want to hurt you, is afraid that you have lost interest or that she's not good enough for you, etc.).  So, I would say, sometimes not reaching out is the best way to establish communication with her; but sometimes reaching out is the best way.  If someone is nonresponsive after a series of attempts from you, I would just give it a break and maybe send an email for a birthday or holiday at a much later date."

I agree with your position here.  NC is such a passive aggressive game that should be left back in junior high.

You're dammed if you do and you are dammed if you don't... .mine unblocked me on her phone on xmas eve when I checked it... .i then called her and she immediately hung up... .then the police called me! Ya just can't win... .

Did yours ever contact you?

That's exactly what happened to me, within about 2 weeks she went from full on 24/7 contact to gone and total NC although I now realise that she was mentally leaving the relationship well before this. From my experience and what I've read on here it is totally common for them to do this. She came into my life like a hurricane and and left it just as quickly.

If there is any good news to this, as I understand it, the tighter and more completely that you are cut off and blocked, is a reflection of how important that you were and how much that they care about you since this is proportional to their shame/pain. So the bad news is that she b/u, took off and blocked you but they REALLY, REALLY loved you more than anything! <sigh>

I think there is a lot of truth in this. A mutual friend, that wasn't aware that we were mutual friends, (I know that sounds weird) told me that my ex was devastated and went into serious depression for 6 months after she dumped me.

I just find these paradoxes to be incredible, mind blowing! I have reason to believe that mine has as well. While not only has she not attempted to contact me, a contact I made on xmas eve resulted in her calling the cops on me! Meanwhile, I caught her stalking my fb page red handed!

I am sure that there is an exception to every story but I ask this: how could that be in my case: a week before, we went to get rings made, 2 weeks before that, she moved in. If she was devaluing me, wouldn't there be movement in the opposite direction? [/quote]
As you were still more than worth it. 

Lets compare it with the hard disk of a computer. One bad spot/sector doesn’t mean that much. A second one neither. It’s even not noticed, then suddenly its cumulating and it effects data. Effort is made to repair/bypass  (that’s when we come into the picture) until it get’s tricky and suddenly it crashes.

At a certain point a pwBPD will remember the previous triggers and the coping mechanism sets in. 

all the way to the day of? I mean there was ZERO sign of anything. Here were the only unusual thing... .she was surfing something on her tablet that she didn't want me to see a couple of nights before, I just called it up to one of those things bust suspect that it might have been something to do with a replacement OR she was surfing a moving company or such... .all else was completely normal

It's been said before here, but it bears repeating... .the real value in NC is using it as means of beginning our healing process--use this time for YOURSELF.  It is time best spent gaining perspective, releasing the steam valve if you will, and letting our emotions begin to subside/stabilize, if only a little.  When NC is used solely as a ploy to somehow 'bring the pwBPD back', we are giving too much power to the other person... .we aren't using NC for it's true inherent value.  It's also a little passive-aggressive in and of itself.

If we're 4, 5, 6 months into NC, and we're still in the same intense cycle of rumination we were in the early stages of the break-up, let's start to give ourselves some much needed love.  Let's take a look at our own behavior, ask questions of ourselves, maybe even look into the possibility of therapy if we are still swept up in the throes of despair.  You may find that, even if the pwBPD miraculously appears (which is not a given), we may be in a strong enough position in which we no longer wish to deal with their shenanigans... .at the very least, we'll be of a stronger mind to deal with them directly, should we choose to do so.

that was the 3 month mark for me... .I think that it was natural for me to reach out... .the thing about it is (and I realize that it may never happen) is that adequate closure for me would involves contact... .even if it is acrimonious.

Yep, 8 years wasted with this disordered person. I have been N/C going on 4 months now. It has not been an easy road but I see how I have changed and am growing. I am not on FB and view it as a "social showoff" with painful repercussions.

My exBPD fiancé contacts me via hacking into my computer and zipping up files he sent me. He also looked me up on a dating website so he could see the pictures and then got upset about them. Thus me going into my picture folders to realize they were all gone. He had sent them to me over the past few years( zipped in my computer for no access). Now, tell me he did not do this? He was in the software field for over 20 years and who else would care? That is his way of contact. Negative and mean.

I think the hardest thing for me is trying to think like a BPD. I can't. That is why I will never understand her and why she did the things she did.

I've been spending the last few weeks trying to take some good out of the relationship I was in. It's really hard to do so but I guess if I could take something positive, as you all should, I am free now to pursue someone eventually who will be mentally balanced.

It's hard though. She was beautiful and had many of the elements I wanted to have in a potential wife -- on paper.

That's what is crazy about this! On paper, E was what I wanted to a tee. Once, however, our relationship developed, or stalled because of her illness, all those things on paper seemed to be maligned by the way she truly is.

I do think about her a lot. I know I will and probably someday I will hear from her again. It's just sad that she wasnt mentally balanced. Everyday it seems to get better but I do miss her!

resonates with me as well... .mine had almost all of the things that I wanted. I felt that finally; THIS is THE one! ... .we actually had a very good relationship (we didn't argue... .she didn't rage)... .my next one will be a LOT like her... .just hoping that I can avoid the PD this time as well!

JRT:  There seems to be a lot of "damning" going on with "winning" being a challenge indeed.  I don't believe it to be ever a lost cause though.

Hazelraw: You expressed this very well.  Thank you.

I fail to see NC as contributing to any healing process when there never was any proper closure from the relationship though.  This is where real healing needs to begin, not from abrupt abandonment, cut off and blocking with running away.  I see NC as total passivity and not how two mature adults who professed their love for one another should handle any relationship issues.

I do agree with your perspective on getting healing, "some much needed love" as you put it, for ourselves in order to be stronger to deal with however it all plays out with the BPD person.  We need to be healed for ourselves before even reconsidering getting back together again with a BPD person or considering another new relationship.  This is empowerment.

Being disposed of so easily is very much a symptom of BPD especially if they also had NPD.  Sometimes even with NPD, they will become quite hysterical for a brief moment or time but then suddenly snap out of that and become cold as ice from then on. We as individuals were invisible to them.  they only saw us as objects who had something they could use- personality traits and emotions that they could mimic for others.  It's very strange and creepy.  I feel very violated and touched by something dirty and subhuman.

What you describe above is ideal, and something to aspire to…but it is generally only achievable in a relationship that involved two well-adjusted adults.  Throw in BPD and the idea of mature, rational, heartfelt discussion is usually not possible—chasing it for many is fruitless and, worse yet, very painful.  When the experienced people here discuss NC, it isn’t meant to be a spiteful, childish act.  It isn’t acting passively.  Choosing  NC when the person you’re attempting to contact... .

-Actively blocks your advances/attempts at contact

-Calls the police on you

-Screams at you

-Rages at you

-Hides from you

-Causes you immense pain when you do eventually gain contact

... .isn’t a passive act at all…it's self-preservation. 

Hazelrah: During our relationship she responded in "mature, rational, heartfelt discussion", which is why all of this is so baffling to me in the aftermath of her abrupt departure.  It doesn't make any sense at all.  We usually can predict future behavior and outcomes from past history of behavior and outcomes. 

Does this not apply to BPD people?

Mine kinda did as well... .Well, except she never discussed her inner most feelings... .otherwise, she was perfectly rational. It really throws me off the BPD suspicion.

DITTO to Hazelrah's response.  No Contact is absolutely necessary at least for a significant period of time in order for us to become healthy and strong again.  I did NC with my mother for over ten years and it's the only thing that saved me and FYI, my therapist recommended the NC which was difficult for her to do since it was my mother and I didn't have a father.  So, I was left parentless for ten years.  I do talk to my mother now but our relationship is completely different.  I wouldn't hesitate to reinstall the NC if she becomes abusive or I begin to feel uncomfortable around her.  My husband is a bit more difficult to avoid because we own a business together at the moment but, even so, I really make every effort to remain aloof and detached from him and I avoid engaging in anything personal.  I tell him nothing about my personal life and don't want to know anything about his.  

Precisely.  In a relationship with a pwBPD, the behavior we’ve come to expect in the early stages (and fall in love with), is NOT a predictor of future/end of relationship behavior.  The only way to really predict their future behavior is to already have an intimate knowledge of how a ‘typical’ BPD relationship evolves.  If you had this knowledge at the beginning, would the likely inevitable pain that was coming your way have been worth it?

Of course it is confusing—if your person really does suffer from BPD, you are trying to evaluate a disordered person’s behavior through a non-disordered lens (yours).  Believe me, I understand just how maddening this all is. 

You’re asking good questions—keep doing it!

Leaving: Thank you for sharing your personal experience.  Your relationship with your husband sounds beyond heartbreaking and challenging.  It's like being in a relationship with someone who is your roommate and business partner.  How very sad.

Hazelrah: Thank you for your affirmative and encouraging words.  Much appreciated.

Hindsight is 20/20.  If I had of known what I was dealing with on the BPD level I would have kept her at arms length as only a friend and would never have gotten involved in the romantic relationship with her that I did.

Your quote:

"Of course it is confusing—if your person really does suffer from BPD, you are trying to evaluate a disordered person’s behavior through a non-disordered lens (yours).  Believe me, I understand just how maddening this all is."

Based on the traits that match BPD, why would there be any question as to whether they suffer from BPD? 

even people with BPD have a pattern.

Honestly I think N/C saved me. What was I suppose to do when he would not talk. Silent treatment, letter stating our engagement is over. He didn't want to get personal anymore he said. So, if I continued to try and talk to him, drive by his house, knock on his door, I know him. He would have gotten a restraining order on me!

Going N/C I could focus on me, look at what happened, study BPD behaviors and calm myself down from the intensity. He was projecting all of his guilt, shame and anger on me. I could hardly function.

Self preservation is exactly what I think N/C is.

Yes, unfortunately, it is fairly common.  I went through this exact same sad story.  My ex abruptly ended our relationship after 2 years and I haven't heard from her since.  She has completely and totally disappeared.  It's very much like she died.  I'm sorry you are going through this too.  I know how much it hurts and how it seems to turn everything you thought you knew about life inside out.  It has been the hardest, darkest, most painful experience of my life.  I'm sorry that you too have to deal with this.

It's indeed very hard to understand this behavior, because it is not based on a rational belief system.  It stems from the deeply held belief of pwBPD that no one will ever really love them and that they will always be abandoned.  They are convinced of this inevitability, and thus they are on eternal guard for any sign of it.  These are profound and terrifying fears for pwBPD.  As you can imagine, this state of constant vigilance and fear produces enormous anxiety.  Imagine knowing that someone is going to punch you as hard as they can today, but you don't know when and you don't know who.  As the day goes along you become more and more agitated as you keep expecting this hit to come.  You start to become increasingly suspicious and jumpy about anyone who gets close to you.  This must be something of what it feels like to be a pwBPD who is absolutely convinced that they are defective and broken and no one can ever love them - that they will always end up betrayed and alone.   So, after a while they reach the point where they can't bear the agony of waiting to be abandoned anymore, and they rip the cord out themselves.  They tragically fulfill their own prophecy, and it is entirely due to their deeply disordered beliefs.

Cosmo... .great analogy that you provided and provides me with the best understanding of this from her perspective so far. I can't tell you how sad I feel that this is the case with them especially when the one thing that they crave so desperately is the thing that they destroy. ... .your story sounds a lot like mine... .she disappeared while I was away then blocked me and I have not heard from her since... .how long has your been NC? Why is the aversion so profoundly potentially painful for them?

That was definitely my experience. Mine ran off after a five year live-in relationship a week before Christmas (not this past Christmas). Like U I was dumbfounded... .and in my case it was a planned event and she was running off to a new relationship that she was already in leaving me feeding her cats and putting up a Christmas Tree by myself. I was totally clueless and confused. I slowly overcame "some" of my denial and was able to see through a lot of the lies and see what had happened. This was a very common repeating pattern for her. BTW, this scenario is common with BPD's, I was blamed for all of her behavior and there appeared to be absolutely no guilt or remorse on her part regarding her cheating and her lies. She was like this "other" person denying all of the actions and turned into this cold abusive individual I had never met. This all could not have happened until the new supply was firmly attached. They use their next victim for power against.

I am sorry that you are going thru this. It is extremely painful.  I would suggest, if you have to interact with this person that you be very, very skeptical of anything she says. Watch her actions, as hurtful as it is, her actions tell the story.

Cosmo... .well spoken overview of the possible workings of a BPD mind. I think that that may have been what was going on in the mind of my ex. So... .of course... .at the time of the abandoning us we have no "rational" clue as to what is going on. We are utterly bewildered and in an immense amount of pain with nothing tangible to hang our rational mind on. It is quite damaging. It made me doubt all of my abilities of perception about others. For a human, this is a huge upheaval... .and causes one to question one's own sanity.

very much the exception and not the rule... .my ex called the police when I called her... .ONCE

I was, and sorry to repeat myself, literally one week on the couch with her and the kids. The following week after dumping me via text? Theres the new guy, doing the same thing. Old college buddy. Thats been almost 6 months now, and except for one mistake I made commenting on how happy she looked with the new guy, for which I was severely insulted for, I have not seen or heard from her. And thats ok with me.

Thanks guys!

So many tough stories. Infrared: It's just crazy! I woke up this morning pretty mad. It's almost a month of NC for me. Next Tuesday it will be a month. It just really hurts. I think the thing that hurts the most is that I feel that I knew all along she had a issue but the optimistic side of me felt if I gave her enough time she would have appreciated me and treated me well.

How wrong I was. There was no amount of good nature that could overcome this disease.

I guess the good thing about all of this is that I am slowly starting to put my life back together. I know the next month will continue to be a challenge. Dreaded Valentines Day is coming up. I guess in time it will go away. For a healthy human being, its not easy cutting the emotional cord on someone who you truly thought would be in your future.

I wish you guys all the best in healing. I'm not glad that we have had to go through this but I'm happy at least we can all commiserate together.