BPDFamily.com

So how many of us on here have had either

'Your the love of my life' 'The Best Partner ever' 'Soul Mates' and finally 'My Twin Flame'

i'm interested how many of us have... .oh i've had all of them

Fankoo 

I heard it all

I second Meatball on that one. Additionally my favorite was "I wouldn't be able to survive without you, you are my everything"

All of the above and more... .including 'forever'.

I heard all of those... .but the one that is all-telling is this one: "If I can't make it work with you, I can't make it work with anyone"... .it's almost like he knew he was going to mess it up.

Anyone else hear that one?

Yup, I heard that line plus "if you ever leave that's it for me. You're  it, I could never be with another  woman." Hmmm, he's  now  engaged   

I always  felt  like he portrayed himself  as some kind of broken, lovelorn man and  having  me in his life 'saved' him.

Oh my gosh! Yes--word for word exactly what I heard: "You're it. I could never be with another woman"

StarOfThe Sea... .were we with the same man?... .lol.

I had "You are my soulmate!" and "You are the most important person in my life. There's never been one who was important as you are." I guess they feel that way with every love interest they have because of the way they experience emotion.

I got forever and ever babe

"You're an absolute angel" 

"I would have wound up dead in a few years if I hadn't met you and that's a fact…you're my angel" 

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me" 

"You were put here for me and now I know why life sucked so much before I met you…you were on your way to me"

 

lol kinda scary, isn't it? He told me that before he met me he wrote a bunch of letters to his soulmate that he knew was out there somewhere then burned them because he thought he'd always be alone. Then lo and behold, he met me! His twin soul, his life, his heart, blah blah blah.

All of the above.  Constantly told me that he would be with me for life and no other woman would ever attract him.  He'd rather be alone forever if he wasn't with me.

All crap!  Was with the replacement a few days after leaving me (probably before but I could never prove it)!

It amazes me how they all said the same rubbish.  There must be a BPD lie book somewhere.

There has got be a book somewhere. I heard the same things all the while I was being replaced on facebook

I had all you guys mention and even was told "I wont fknd anyone better than you".

"You have to live until you are 150 years old because I can't stand it if you die before me"

Yep heard all of those things and that our relationship was her definition of love... .blah blah... .funny how during the devaluation stage she made me feel like an ax murderer for wanting to rest my hand on her leg.

Like literally waking up next to a completely different person.  Probably the single most confusing point in my life.

I've heard this stuff. Perhaps its why these days I have a hard time taking people at their word. Compliments on both my appearance and intelligence... .

When someone sets you up with such declarations of love, devotion and gratitude- when they hurt you... .You begin to wonder who else is just saying things "just because."  They knock you down and the do it hard. You don't know where their genuine attraction ended and where their sick and unreal honeypot idealization began.

When someone says "you look fine/good" you think... .If my ex said I was fantastic and stl hurt me, then "good" isn't good enough and  won't cut it.

Perhaps my past left me susceptible to being painted white.

I heard the words-and I think I'm actually starting to see why it was unhealthy and why I was able to fall for it. They may not have been lies- but they were hyperbole that I was all too willing to believe.

Needed to get that one out in words. Thanks for this topic. It helped me kind of take a less bleak perspective on her actions and my part in it all. I think.

Some of the things I've got from my uBPDxgf:

I don't want anyone else in my life other than you

It's either you or no one else

When people see is, they are going to see us as the most happiest couple in the world

I love you so much i cant bear the thought of you with anyone else

It's amazing how those words mean nothing to them. Got cheated on and found that she use the same line with other guys. I think it's copy paste method for them. Less hassle to come up with an original thinking.

My SO acted attention starved. I have never met someone who need attention, flattery, or be assured. She would pout like a toddler until you complimented her or gave her attention. She didn't care what I was doing. I literally needed to drop everything and shower her in affection and adoration. I was expected to come running if she asked. She made me leave my grandmas house one time because she didn't want to wait. I invited her in told her everyone wanted to see her. She flat out refused. She didn't want to see my family.

Exactly

Finding out what she whispering in your ear she was repeating to others.

"Got cheated on and found that she use the same line with other guys. I think it's copy paste method for them. Less hassle to come up with an original thinking."

Like all intelligent creatures, they find techniques and develope skills that work, and they stick with them. That is why, in general, their actions/behaviors seem so similar. Remember, BPD, like other personality disorders, is diagnosed by category, a collection of like behavior(s) across a population.

The words/language used to express their eternal love are so similar because of the common, shared culture/vernacular. It's the same reason that we can decipher metaphors in our own respective cultures, metaphors that escape an outsider.

All the love talk was nothing more than the vivid color of the flower along with it's sweet fragrance; it brought us right in, just like a bee.

Never heard those but did hear:

"You're the best", "you're my best friend" and "you're such a good wife"

After knowing my dBPDh for 28 years, married 13 years of which now separated for 2.5 years, I've become "the worst", "an enemy" and "an awful wife" as he left me.  He ran away to find the "love of his life" which I apparently was not.  Even after I supported him through BPD therapy not to mention all the other "stuff" I've gone through that most of you have gone through as well.  It sure took him a long time to figure that out.

Now hes saying all those wonderful things to my replacement except for the good wife part as were are not divorced.

Why do their words and action yank on our hear strings so much?  It really hurts! :'( :'( :'(

The lines I got often were "I would be devastated if we ever broke up"... ."I would be devastated if anything ever happened to you"... .it's funny how I ended up being the devastated one and she carried on with someone else and wiped me out of existence in her mind.

My all-time favourite, though... ."I know that I promised that I would stop saying I love you, but I really do love you, so I'm just gonna say it... .I love you"!

Then nothing, but silence beginning the following day. That's real BPD love! I wish they taught a course in high-school about personality disorders.

I'm sorry, but I sometimes feel like you confuse a BPD with a psychopath/sociopath. Not everything they do is done consciously. I know you were hurt like ___, I was as well. But please don't describe them as the evil satan child or whatever.

You have a right to feel hurt and angry, but does it really help to talk about them like they planned all of this in the beginning to ruin us? Some of them have antisocial-traits, yes, so some might be conscious about some things, but not all BPDs are antisocial.

I don't believe that they (at least the majority) consciously told you lies to hook you.

I do believe they meant EVERYTHING they said the exact moment, because they felt this way this exact moment, but their feelings are like the weather and they change. We assume them to have constant feelings like we do. But that's the problem.

I don't want to take away your pain and anger, really not. I'm sorry for all of you who've been hurt. One should never experience abuse in any form. And I also don't want to justify their behaviour. They still do have a choice. But that they act consciously all of the time is just not true.

I grew up with a borderline sister. I saw her inner turmoil. She abused me, yes, and I don't like being in contact with her so I stay in LC and that's a good thing. But it doesn't help to accuse her of doing all of the things purposely because then I could have never gotten out of my bubble of anger and contempt towards her.

Try to forgive these people, not for them, but for you. They aren't really able to act properly regarding emotional things, but if you are then you should at least do. This is not me trying to point the moral finger. I just want to tell you that you should try to let go of the anger. You know why I like Star Wars? Because of this: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

So to get back to the topic: I really do believe they mean what they say. They even believe theirselves. But their emotions and feelings change like every second and they suddenly feel different about you.

The easy way around this is that we can all believe what we feel is most accurate regarding our own situation.  You really can't talk about BPDs that you haven't met and what they meant when they said things that you did not hear.

I'll answer this for myself.  Mine lied very consciously.  She knew her past would scare me away, so she made up a new one, and then admitted to me doing this later when I pieced it all together at least somewhat.

Did she sit down and hatch this plan and this story and then go at it?  No, she just started lying one day and knew generally how to steer her past history for me.

Having said that, was some of the lying simply because her brain doesn't work right and she didn't even know she was doing it?  Sure.  But not all.  And I know this about this specific person.

Now, since they did not start out twirling their skinny mustache in a dark room, but instead in my case, the lying thing just evolved on its own: does this make it a lot better?  A little, but not much.  It still has the same basic effect.  Also, it is cruelty to lie to someone over and over, even if it is because of the BPDs "need", and it is putting yourself above the other and not respecting them enough to think they deserve the truth.

I hate the modern opinion of "the past doesn't matter and is not anyone's business".  This is obviously false in many cases.  But this take on things actually facilitates lying because if the past really doesn't matter then misrepresenting it does not either.

As far as fear, fear is a great thing.  It saves our lives all the time.  The human brain adapted to have certain fears for survival.  That is why normal, common fears are things that are actually dangerous (heights, large volumes of water, venomous animals, etc).

"love of my life" "infinity" "forever"... .

All Words in the wind... .Bunch of bulls#$"!

Among others, I also got "I feel like God has lead you to me and is speaking to me through you".

I got 'you've captured my heart'. Then a few months later, she said she could never tell me she loved me.

But then would say 'I love you' in the most unemotional monotone voice, immediately in response to my saying I loved her. It was like a robot-programmed response voice.

I also got at the start  - 'I need you to be very sure about this, because I can't go through another break-up. The last one almost killed me'.

And then four months later she tells me she is completely fine, over it and is all happy with my replacement.

None of their words match their actions. They just know the right 'scripts'. 

I also got the love of my life line. I think she has 9 lives though and that one ended.

Seriously though she meant it at the time. If only if only.   Oh well.

My fella said I was his soul mate, but to be fair to him, I thought he was mine.

He said 'God has sent you to heal me' and I thought so too.

He said no one had ever loved him before though he was still crazy about his wife who died of cancer years ago.

It was a heady mix, and now I'm wondering if I'm as sick as he is.

My ex told me "we are soul mates" so many times I lost count. Did his words match his actions - Absolutely not! Why did I stay? Why did I believe the words and not the actions? Big question

YEP,  Heard it all in so many yrs, even the day before exw blew it up in an outburst in front of the kids.

‘We come along for so long, nobody understands me like you’

-> ‘you never understood me!

‘I could never be with another man! Even those thoughts would make me sick!’

-> a 65yr old soother with tattoos and the shape of a Michelin puppet, amazing ‘that thoughts’…

For years it was: ‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Wait a minute…  I must be wrong, when D was a 5 yrs old… it was to D:

‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Really now, I think there is a twist in my head…  it was my Son, he even got al lovely nickname…

‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Thinking again, so much feelings and facts… NO, after I was dumped as garbage exw wrote to BOTH kids

‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Wait again…, of course! Soother must be THE only ‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’


'they love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason'

all of the above and then some, basically within a few weeks of talking to her.

And stupid me thought karma was repaying me for staying in a bad marriage for the kids, I bought into it hook line and sinker

I think they buy into the fantasy they are selling, and they do "feel" these things. But I also believe they consciously lie and embellish and act like they haven't said/done the same things with the SO before you.

Mine told me she was never like this with anyone, always hesitant to open up to people or be vulnerable... Bunch of BS she made up to suck me into the fantasy further.

I read some of the old texts recently, and I sound as ___ing batty as she did... now that I'm not in the situation anymore

me too. because he was an older guy I believed the idealization because I thought he was serious and ready to settle down.  It's a mistake we make and you kind of have to look at it like hey we live and learn, right?

I was the love of his life. a good woman. I was also the one who choose to ignore all the red flags.

Very soon after I got to know him, on line, he would say things like I would make everything right, I would make him happy. I did tell him that I could never do that, that he himself was the only one who could do that. He would ignore my remark and remain on his little cloud.

He would also say things about my then toddler child, such as "I love that little guy", even though he had never even met my child. He would have this image of a perfect family: He, I, his youngest daughter and my child. Even though his youngest daughter had serious jealousy issues, even before she met my child and myself.

In his confabulated world, everything was going to be okay now, I would make everything that hurt and was wrong okay. And when I failed, that is when he started hating me.

Yeah, in fact my BPDexgf was particularly fond of calling me the "love of her life". She was using that term of endearment pretty frequently 3 months into the relationship.

Before she left and we wanted to try a l/d relationship:

You have my heart so keep it safe!

I can't wait to grow old with you... .have babies, furry babies, and love you every day.

I love you more!

30 days later... .her feelings had changed And she needed to move on with her life.

wow, ... .look at how many replies in so very little time-->  4 pages of replies in only 1 and 1/2 days. 

This topic is going to be locked (I think) as I believe that after 5 pages of replies then the thread is locked automatically.

Anyways, ... I have been referred to as the all of the above (soul mate, love of her life, blah blah blah) and I have realized it is all bs, ... .only to "suck me right back in" (like Al Pacino in The Godfather 3).

BPD's are soo very convincing but they are only con artists to get what they want (and that is to abuse those around them).

I got:

"I've been around the block and I know there no one else out there like you."

"You're my angel."

"I'll die without you in my life."

"I don't need anyone else in my life. I just need

you."

Also he called me his "goddess" when I was in the idealization phase and that always made me uncomfortable.

Heard I was his soulmate.

"A life without you in it is no life at all."

It is creepy how they all say such similar things.

I was probably the 20th love of her life

Yep... the seem to have 1 every 18 months or so... lol

:) Hilarious. Also kinda sad.

I was the fourth, but while she was with me I think she also met #5-8 or so. Meh.

lol

My ex still used the "soul mate" crap long after she departed and clearly stated that doesn't love me anyomore. After bad day or a date gone wrong, she needed soothing so throw it in to keep me hooked.

I was told I was 4 also im just assuming shes been doing this since she was very young so I probably dont even know half the story.

"I can see myself firmly ensconced in your arms, forever and ever... ."

"You are a rose among thorns"

Ouch.  I'm a faded bloom.

"I've always felt we were meant to be "

"I've never met a man like you "

"Your my perfect man "

"Even after six years no other man compares to you "

"I'd kill myself if something happened to you " (two weeks before telling me she had not loved me for years)

First few months of the year we spent together... .

"The best thing that ever happened to me"

"The love of my life"

"The man who showed me what real love was all about"

Blah Blah. Other crackers included

"I feel like a little girl who is trying to grab a balloon in the sky with you. It's wonderful. I can't get enough."

"I'm envious of your Bohemian spirit."

"Why does it take you so long to answer my morning texts? Are you fed up with me"

Final six months of the year we spent together... .

Of course once she had applied the love bombing with a huge sprinkle of "I've not been treated at all well by men in the past" victim status, it didn't take long for my knight in shining armour elements to come to the fore. 'I'll show those idiots how to treat a woman as gorgeous and sexy as this' and 'I'll show her all the love and attention those fools failed to' (In hindsight, they were the smart ones. Figured her out straight away. A valuable lesson I had to learn for myself I guess.)

Once she had control the 'attraction' subsided. "I know I said I had a high sex drive, but once, maybe twice, a week is more than enough."

Lock suddenly appeared on her phone. (Not that I was checking. I was simply helping her set up a hands free kit)

She went out on a Sunday morning for an event. By this time I had my suspicions and having checked online the event was in fact, cancelled. I didn't mention or make a big deal of the matter. Simply thought she had some personal business to take care of. Fair enough. Although she should have known me well enough by then to know I would have been an ear for her and not someone who would accuse or think bad of her if she had told me the truth (had it simply been a personal matter, and not a date with the new boy)

In Hindsight she was already lining up my replacement in March.

She always went on about how morals and honesty were her bedrock. Being 'open and honest' with each other. Ha!

All these things I had no knowledge of. I learned all about them right here!

Man technique you're absolutely right. Morals and integrity my eye. Depending what she was doing determine how she reclassified her morals. As for integrity, that's just a word in her vocabulary of which she obviously has no idea of the meaning.

God brought us together... .

I think you all heard something like this: "This was the best sex I ever had in my life."

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