She referred to me as "love of her life"

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So how many of us on here have had either

'Your the love of my life' 'The Best Partner ever' 'Soul Mates' and finally 'My Twin Flame'

i'm interested how many of us have... .oh i've had all of them

Fankoo 

[mitatsu]

So how many of us on here have had either

'Your the love of my life' 'The Best Partner ever' 'Soul Mates' and finally 'My Twin Flame'

i'm interested how many of us have... .oh i've had all of them

Fankoo 

[Meatball/88]

I heard it all

[jannieslosthope]

I second Meatball on that one. Additionally my favorite was "I wouldn't be able to survive without you, you are my everything"

[JRT]

All of the above and more... .including 'forever'.

[Wood stock]

I heard all of those... .but the one that is all-telling is this one: "If I can't make it work with you, I can't make it work with anyone"... .it's almost like he knew he was going to mess it up.

Anyone else hear that one?

[StarOfTheSea]

I heard all of those... .but the one that is all-telling is this one: "If I can't make it work with you, I can't make it work with anyone"... .it's almost like he knew he was going to mess it up.

Anyone else hear that one?

Yup, I heard that line plus "if you ever leave that's it for me. You're  it, I could never be with another  woman." Hmmm, he's  now  engaged   

I always  felt  like he portrayed himself  as some kind of broken, lovelorn man and  having  me in his life 'saved' him.

[Wood stock]

Oh my gosh! Yes--word for word exactly what I heard: "You're it. I could never be with another woman"

StarOfThe Sea... .were we with the same man?... ..

[misty_red]

I had "You are my soulmate!" and "You are the most important person in my life. There's never been one who was important as you are." I guess they feel that way with every love interest they have because of the way they experience emotion.

[Meatball/88]

I got forever and ever babe

[Hope0807]

"You're an absolute angel" 

"I would have wound up dead in a few years if I hadn't met you and that's a fact…you're my angel" 

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me" 

"You were put here for me and now I know why life sucked so much before I met you…you were on your way to me"

 

[StarOfTheSea]

Oh my gosh! Yes--word for word exactly what I heard: "You're it. I could never be with another woman"

StarOfThe Sea... .were we with the same man?... ..

kinda scary, isn't it? He told me that before he met me he wrote a bunch of letters to his soulmate that he knew was out there somewhere then burned them because he thought he'd always be alone. Then lo and behold, he met me! His twin soul, his life, his heart, blah blah blah.

[Popcorn71]

All of the above.  Constantly told me that he would be with me for life and no other woman would ever attract him.  He'd rather be alone forever if he wasn't with me.

All crap!  Was with the replacement a few days after leaving me (probably before but I could never prove it)!

It amazes me how they all said the same rubbish.  There must be a BPD lie book somewhere.

[Meatball/88]

There has got be a book somewhere. I heard the same things all the while I was being replaced on facebook

[PaintedBlack28]

I had all you guys mention and even was told "I wont fknd anyone better than you".

[Maternus]

"You have to live until you are 150 years old because I can't stand it if you die before me"

[raisins3142]

Yep heard all of those things and that our relationship was her definition of love... .blah blah... .funny how during the devaluation stage she made me feel like an ax murderer for wanting to rest my hand on her leg.

[Meatball/88]

Like literally waking up next to a completely different person.  Probably the single most confusing point in my life.

[Vatz]

I've heard this stuff. Perhaps its why these days I have a hard time taking people at their word. Compliments on both my appearance and intelligence... .

When someone sets you up with such declarations of love, devotion and gratitude- when they hurt you... .You begin to wonder who else is just saying things "just because."  They knock you down and the do it hard. You don't know where their genuine attraction ended and where their sick and unreal honeypot idealization began.

When someone says "you look fine/good" you think... .If my ex said I was fantastic and stl hurt me, then "good" isn't good enough and  won't cut it.

Perhaps my past left me susceptible to being painted white.

I heard the words-and I think I'm actually starting to see why it was unhealthy and why I was able to fall for it. They may not have been lies- but they were hyperbole that I was all too willing to believe.

Needed to get that one out in words. Thanks for this topic. It helped me kind of take a less bleak perspective on her actions and my part in it all. I think.

[tholian]

Some of the things I've got from my uBPDxgf:

I don't want anyone else in my life other than you

It's either you or no one else

When people see is, they are going to see us as the most happiest couple in the world

I love you so much i cant bear the thought of you with anyone else

It's amazing how those words mean nothing to them. Got cheated on and found that she use the same line with other guys. I think it's copy paste method for them. Less hassle to come up with an original thinking.

[Meatball/88]

My SO acted attention starved. I have never met someone who need attention, flattery, or be assured. She would pout like a toddler until you complimented her or gave her attention. She didn't care what I was doing. I literally needed to drop everything and shower her in affection and adoration. I was expected to come running if she asked. She made me leave my grandmas house one time because she didn't want to wait. I invited her in told her everyone wanted to see her. She flat out refused. She didn't want to see my family.

Exactly

Finding out what she whispering in your ear she was repeating to others.

[apollotech]

"Got cheated on and found that she use the same line with other guys. I think it's copy paste method for them. Less hassle to come up with an original thinking."

Like all intelligent creatures, they find techniques and develope skills that work, and they stick with them. That is why, in general, their actions/behaviors seem so similar. Remember, BPD, like other personality disorders, is diagnosed by category, a collection of like behavior(s) across a population.

The words/language used to express their eternal love are so similar because of the common, shared culture/vernacular. It's the same reason that we can decipher metaphors in our own respective cultures, metaphors that escape an outsider.

All the love talk was nothing more than the vivid color of the flower along with it's sweet fragrance; it brought us right in, just like a bee.

[heartbroken25]

Never heard those but did hear:

"You're the best", "you're my best friend" and "you're such a good wife"

After knowing my dBPDh for 28 years, married 13 years of which now separated for 2.5 years, I've become "the worst", "an enemy" and "an awful wife" as he left me.  He ran away to find the "love of his life" which I apparently was not.  Even after I supported him through BPD therapy not to mention all the other "stuff" I've gone through that most of you have gone through as well.  It sure took him a long time to figure that out.

Now hes saying all those wonderful things to my replacement except for the good wife part as were are not divorced.

Why do their words and action yank on our hear strings so much?  It really hurts! :'( :'( :'(

[gonein60seconds]

The lines I got often were "I would be devastated if we ever broke up"... ."I would be devastated if anything ever happened to you"... .it's funny how I ended up being the devastated one and she carried on with someone else and wiped me out of existence in her mind.

My all-time favourite, though... ."I know that I promised that I would stop saying I love you, but I really do love you, so I'm just gonna say it... .I love you"!

Then nothing, but silence beginning the following day. That's real BPD love! I wish they taught a course in high-school about personality disorders.

[misty_red]

I'm sorry, but I sometimes feel like you confuse a BPD with a psychopath/sociopath. Not everything they do is done consciously. I know you were hurt like ___, I was as well. But please don't describe them as the evil satan child or whatever.

You have a right to feel hurt and angry, but does it really help to talk about them like they planned all of this in the beginning to ruin us? Some of them have antisocial-traits, yes, so some might be conscious about some things, but not all BPDs are antisocial.

I don't believe that they (at least the majority) consciously told you lies to hook you.

I do believe they meant EVERYTHING they said the exact moment, because they felt this way this exact moment, but their feelings are like the weather and they change. We assume them to have constant feelings like we do. But that's the problem.

I don't want to take away your pain and anger, really not. I'm sorry for all of you who've been hurt. One should never experience abuse in any form. And I also don't want to justify their behaviour. They still do have a choice. But that they act consciously all of the time is just not true.

I grew up with a borderline sister. I saw her inner turmoil. She abused me, yes, and I don't like being in contact with her so I stay in LC and that's a good thing. But it doesn't help to accuse her of doing all of the things purposely because then I could have never gotten out of my bubble of anger and contempt towards her.

Try to forgive these people, not for them, but for you. They aren't really able to act properly regarding emotional things, but if you are then you should at least do. This is not me trying to point the moral finger. I just want to tell you that you should try to let go of the anger. You know why I like Star Wars? Because of this: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

So to get back to the topic: I really do believe they mean what they say. They even believe theirselves. But their emotions and feelings change like every second and they suddenly feel different about you.

[raisins3142]

I don't believe that they (at least the majority) consciously told you lies to hook you.

I do believe they meant EVERYTHING they said the exact moment, because they felt this way this exact moment, but their feelings are like the weather and they change. We assume them to have constant feelings like we do. But that's the problem.

Try to forgive these people, not for them, but for you. They aren't really able to act properly regarding emotional things, but if you are then you should at least do. This is not me trying to point the moral finger. I just want to tell you that you should try to let go of the anger. You know why I like Star Wars? Because of this: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

The easy way around this is that we can all believe what we feel is most accurate regarding our own situation.  You really can't talk about BPDs that you haven't met and what they meant when they said things that you did not hear.

I'll answer this for myself.  Mine lied very consciously.  She knew her past would scare me away, so she made up a new one, and then admitted to me doing this later when I pieced it all together at least somewhat.

Did she sit down and hatch this plan and this story and then go at it?  No, she just started lying one day and knew generally how to steer her past history for me.

Having said that, was some of the lying simply because her brain doesn't work right and she didn't even know she was doing it?  Sure.  But not all.  And I know this about this specific person.

Now, since they did not start out twirling their skinny mustache in a dark room, but instead in my case, the lying thing just evolved on its own: does this make it a lot better?  A little, but not much.  It still has the same basic effect.  Also, it is cruelty to lie to someone over and over, even if it is because of the BPDs "need", and it is putting yourself above the other and not respecting them enough to think they deserve the truth.

I hate the modern opinion of "the past doesn't matter and is not anyone's business".  This is obviously false in many cases.  But this take on things actually facilitates lying because if the past really doesn't matter then misrepresenting it does not either.

As far as fear, fear is a great thing.  It saves our lives all the time.  The human brain adapted to have certain fears for survival.  That is why normal, common fears are things that are actually dangerous (heights, large volumes of water, venomous animals, etc).

[Darkvoid]

"love of my life" "infinity" "forever"... .

All Words in the wind... .Bunch of bulls#$"!

[Younique]

Among others, I also got "I feel like God has lead you to me and is speaking to me through you".

[parisian]

I got 'you've captured my heart'. Then a few months later, she said she could never tell me she loved me.

But then would say 'I love you' in the most unemotional monotone voice, immediately in response to my saying I loved her. It was like a robot-programmed response voice.

I also got at the start  - 'I need you to be very sure about this, because I can't go through another break-up. The last one almost killed me'.

And then four months later she tells me she is completely fine, over it and is all happy with my replacement.

None of their words match their actions. They just know the right 'scripts'. 

[Blimblam]

I also got the love of my life line. I think she has 9 lives though and that one ended.

Seriously though she meant it at the time. If only if only.   Oh well.

[Lifewriter16]

My fella said I was his soul mate, but to be fair to him, I thought he was mine.

He said 'God has sent you to heal me' and I thought so too.

He said no one had ever loved him before though he was still crazy about his wife who died of cancer years ago.

It was a heady mix, and now I'm wondering if I'm as sick as he is.