BPDFamily.com

One writer that I have mixed feelings about - Shari Schreiber. Anyone have any experience with her?

 The article that I have read is her summary of BPD AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.

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 |---> Mod Note: Article review here: bpdfamily.com/sharischriber.com/anycost.html (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=148844.0)

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|---> Mod Note: Cease and Desist order by State of California


Date: 1-2018(https://bpdfamily.com/book-covers/spacer.gif)Minutes: 26:56
Shari Schreiber vs The California Board of Psychology

Shari Schrieber's self professed communication style is "controversial"  - and according to her, "to challenge your perspectives and illuminate a path toward greater well-being".  In my observations here, her style seems to resonate best with readers from failed relationships that are stuck and look to her "tabloid style extremism" to bump them into the disengagement process.

In my opinion, Schreiber's material is not balanced and not at all helpful if you are trying to get a realistic understanding of your failed relationship, a balanced understanding the psychology of the disorder, hold a relationship together, or work with your child.  She tends to describe the disorder more as evil and a character flaw also has a tendency to "sensationalize" and attribute extreme and psychopathic (ASPD) behavior to all people suspected of having BPD traits.  For example:  

"Whether we are hearing about teachers having sex with their students or a wife severing her husbands genitals", we're observing a lack of impulse control that's associated with borderline personality ~ Shari Scheiber.  

We have received a number of questions about her credentials in the past. Schreiber is identified in numerous locations on the web as a counselor/therapist but when we checked, the State of California reports that her license was canceled in 2001 - Schreiber did not complete the required 3,000 hour/three year supervised internship or pass the state boards required to become an MFT. We report this only because some members have believed that she is a health care professional or therapist.

Schreiber has also claimed that she has treated "BPD" couples although the only information on her website is about exiting relationships and there is no indication that she has the advanced training, skills or the compassion for treating people with this disorder.

This is the wording on her site: My Bachelor's degree is in Human Behavior Psychology and I have a Master's in Counseling Psych., but my wisdom and skill are mostly outgrowths of substantial life experience, acute intuition and unrelenting commitment to personal growth. This is not psychotherapy, which deals only with the mind.

Schreiber considers herself a men's (anti-feminist) advocate and is involved in several men's advocacy websites.  

 |---> :sign_attn: Copy of canceled license : license and other references (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/shari_schreiber.pdf) (caution, graphic).

so shari schreiber is not a licensed therapist? why was her license canceled? a thing that bothered me was in her writing in one of her articles to the effect of hollywood actors and actresses let themselves go when they age. that and a few other statements has me to believe that she uses a VERY wide brush, seems to me that she believes that everyone has BPD if they act out of line

Is there bad blood between Shari Schrieber and this site. I came accross her site and I found it helpful, although perhaps a bit harsh.? curious?

She filed false claims of copyright violations in 2008 to the HON Foundation.  Her claims were found to be without merit by the foundation (decision letter). (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/schreiber_plagerism.pdf) Since that time she has posted derogatory information about bpdfamily on her website and in her personal communication to others.

The HON Foundation oversees health information ethics on the web and enforces a code of ethical conduct, the HONcode. The HON Foundation is funded by the United Nations.  bpdfamily is a member (#764876) in good standing with HonCode (http://www.hon.ch/HONcode/Conduct.html?HONConduct764876).  ShariSchreiber.com is not.

Despite the ruling in our favor, we have tried to resolve/end the controversy.  Ms. Shreiber gave us the name of her attorney - but not a phone number.  We tried to locate him, but he is not listed on the Internet or with the Bar Association. Two other email contacts (once each year) were not responded to - so we closed the file.

We made no public mention before now as we did not think this type of thing was of much interest to our members.

Shari Schreiber masquerades as a therapist and fancies herself as a recognized expert among physicians, but she is really just an angry blogger and a drop out who has created a unique blend of basic psychology, urban legend, and mean spirited stigmatization to sell to spurned lovers.  

It's not healthy reading for anyone.

ShariSchreiber.com

I find her wierd.  I've read her stuff and she is not engaging; she almost sounds stoned.

This review of Schreibers article is really well done  bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=148844.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=148844.0)

If you want to watch information on BPD, watch Marsha Linehan (developer of DBT).

While what Shari Schreiber says might good for immediate repulsion from a BPD and helping one stay NC during those early days, beyond that she's just inflammatory and biased. She's also indicated that Jewish men are more likely to be BPD which might just be her experience. She's also really hard on lesbians.

For those who know of a certain Shari Schreiber... .she makes some interesting points, but I wonder if her she isn't that far off from being BPD/NPD herself. Yeah... .we spoke... .what venom! What a sales pitch she makes for her "services". No thanks.  I will do this with my own compassion and not high pressure sales and vitriol.  LOL

Hi all!  Hi! I found this site, funny enough, from reading over Shari Schreiber's materials.  Her writing seemed a bit strident and angry, and I had to check out this "Skip" she was referring to.  I'm pleasantly surprised by this forum and feel that it is a lot more balanced than the articles I read on her site.

A few years ago I got a hold of Karyl McBride's book about narcissistic mothers. I was amazed when I went down the list of criteria and  read the experiences some of the DONM had experienced.  I joined a couple of support sites for daughters of narcissistic mothers.  I couldn't believe that my life was in her book.  It was the first time in my life that I realized I wasn't alone... .that something really wasn't right with my family.  I knew that intuitively as a child, but here it was being confirmed for me!  My voicelessness and the annihilation of my authentic self so that I could try to get some love from my mother was in there.  

Unfortunately I didn't get into therapy right away.  In hindsight I wish I would have.  I made a mistake and told my father about my realizations.  All hell broke loose.  He ended up telling my mother and her behavior escalated.  I ended up going NC.  It was a horrible time... .probably one of the worst in my life.  I was in an enmeshed family, so losing them (and I lost all of them because of the dynamics of our family) was like losing myself.  Who was I without them?  My father and mother had always defined me.

I'm jst reading all this now.  I have been in Therapy with Shari Schreiber for about 3 months and because of the type of work she does (core trauma work) I have nothing to compare it to and I have concerns.

I need to have a dialog with anyone who has had her and compare notes. You can email me or post on here. Thank you some!  xoxo

If you find a site claiming to have all the answers and information and knowledge not available elsewhere, be very very afraid of opening your wallet, for the information will be questionable, and worse, your credit card may have charges on it that you have not authorized.See my blog for a discussion on some of the less reputable sites: psychologytoday.com/so_called_experts (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201106/take-some-experts-and-bloggers-agendas-grain-salt/comments)ShariSchreiber.com, thepsychoexwife.com and Tara P Shrinks4Men blog (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161211) are discussed.

The reason you can't find it is because Tara P Shrinks4Men blog (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161211) at Shrink for Men (can't spell her last name) took umbrage to some of the comments, which were negative but factual truths (such as listing her blog headlines) and had her lawyer contact Psychology Today.

In an email to them (she never wrote to me) she accused me of writing the comments myself and having some kind of vendetta against her. This confuses me because I do not know her and have never written about her; nor did I write the comments from other people. I know she has had people vilify her and do bad things, and they have been women, so I am assuming she was highly triggered.

Perhaps if I had been a man and wrote a vanilla article about checking out your sources she would not have been as triggered.

Shari Schreiber got me through a desperately rough patch and I drank the very expensive kool aide ($160.00 per hour) but would not recommend her.

Hello there

I've been in counseling with Shari Schreiber since April now. I've got other (real) Ts I've successfully worked with. I can turn to them if this one runs into a wall. I drew on her for additional emergency help for my father, my only "real" parent and the nonPD in my core family, died lately and I since seem surrounded by too many potentially toxic people.

I cut her loose after I worked with her for a while, she certainly has methods that might work but I seemed to walk into a growing minefield of  probably her own issues and triggering traits. Personally I'm scared of her.

Well, update. I ran into some info she wrote about a very negative publishing experience, and she was upset she didn't get published like she wanted to. That told me a lot.

On Shari Schreiber

I can only tell you how it seemed to me. I have no rounded view on Ms Schreiber yet, but here it goes:

She's got very strong "medicine" on plumming up trauma, so I won't villify her totally, I wanted this.

The rest I did not want and I don't THINK she has it right, yet. So I thank her for introducing me to the power of digitalis and I liked her very much, but, again, I THINK she's not much about adult relationship, yet.

Having been raised in Borderland she, to me, realy seems to hold the illusion that anyone she can overpower with the mighty tools she picked up there to fight her way is a Borderline and she is right to do so and bring him/her down. Being the only one with an emerging human adult view on barren land seems to have stuck with her.

Actually, some of these her tools and conduct are the endgame tools: what looks like playing overmommy in front but holding the authoritarian aggressor to punish behind is the ultimate weapon to fight the fight on humankinds frontline between "evil and good". Just people will stand up that way to hit the bully in the face because they realy are like this, great dictators will pose this to seduce you and make you follow them into their wars to punish mankind, and you. The point is about what more there is. Since I don't know where Ms Schreiber is going to go, and I will not let myself be stockholmed and remothered by whatever wellmeaning renegade that might could turn out a great dictator (with titts, these days it seems possible in public space) after all while working on my early wounds, and since digitalis is but in smal doses a poison to kill you, I will not let Ms Schreiber control any of that medication on me any further, will stand down from what might be her war towards an outsourced victim called the Borderline, and wish her luck and thank her for the good she did me in case she's on the right path.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=148844.0

Hi there people

Not sure if this is in the right place... .

First time posting on a forum such as this… just read the article at the above link. I don’t think I am BPD, nor is my wife from whom I have recently separated sadly. I am not a health professional of any sort, and certainly not qualified to ascertain if someone definitely has a disorder. I do however, recognize outright nastiness and messed-upness when I see it.

At the outset of the separation I came across an email sent to my wife with a link to Shari Schreiber’s website, linking to the article on relationships with borderline males. It seems that this friend of hers who is not qualified in any medical or psychological capacity, and who barely knows me, has taken it upon herself to suggest that I am BPD and NPD. I do not know if I am, I intend to have a proper test done by a real Psychiatrist. Personally, I don’t think I am BPD, or if so, very much marginal. The main indicator would be my difficulty in being relationally intimate. I don't believe I exhibit any of the other markers to label me as such.

I read the article, and it made me almost physically sick. Shari Schreiber seems to be out to demonize and vilify anyone with this disorder, and shows no empathy towards anyone. Her descriptions of males with BPD seem to encompass about 90% of males in some way, so it doesn’t leave much hope for us. Shari Schreiber appears to be on a mission to absolutely destroy people. Anyone who might be BPD reading this would feel sick about themselves, and the “victims” would feel unjustly and falsely comforted and vindicated.

I found it ironic that she appeared to have been having sexual relations with one or more of her clients. That to me seems indicative of low ethical standards, and possibly some sort of disorder or dysfunction within herself as well as having had multiple relationships throughout her life.

I had a quick browse through some other parts of her website, and her vindictive, scathing, and downright nasty superior attitude was very evident. She seems to have some narcissistic tendencies herself, and reading through her replies to people who have been hurt by BPDs. or even by her own comments, are at best unprofessional, and at worst possibly sociopath.

It seems very unjust that this undoubtedly clever but malicious and unqualified woman is able to spread this opinionated pollution and that people are falling for it. Sadly she shows no accountability or remorse, and instantly targets anyone that disagrees with her as being disordered or flames them.

The thing that greatly saddens me the most is that my lovely wife has been “poisoned” by this article, and now views me through the lenses of this article, and is busy passing it on to her friends. It makes any hope of reconciliation all the more unlikely.

Has anyone else had to pick up the pieces after coming into contact with her “work”?

A comment about Shari Schreiber. Based on my experience, and my opinion:

I "worked with" her for several months, and was open to her methods until she made the statement that my mother (who she knew nothing about) is BPD, and that my mother was the reason my father died of a heart attack, and that I have no empathy, none, zero. When I countered her on her lack of facts and accuracy, and that I wouldn't just let her tell me that I lacked a basic human quality I knew I had, she dug in like she enjoyed it and claimed I was "acting out." I actually wrote to my friends to ask if they saw me as having empathy, and they couldn't believe I would ask such a question -  and gave me a ton of examples to show me.

In my opinion she is abusive, lacks compassion, has no real tools except for a rubber band trick (snap it when you're in your head and it often becomes feeling) and writing down what you like about yourself... .and she feels kind of BPD/NPD herself like she's acting her stuff out on others.

My T (after I went back to him) was appalled at what went on.

Interestingly enough, I had red flags about her instantly when we first spoke. Like my ex BPD. They "felt" the same.

In a funny kind of way she helped deepen the lesson that I had not quite learned in my BPD r/s - to trust my gut... .and once I knew I was dealing with, I stopped. I got out. I now thank her for that, and concede that if that's her M.O. (be so abusive she teaches clients to heed their instincts and leave - which I doubt) she's brilliant.

I guess it's helpful to define "helpful" - she certainly helped me see that if you want good therapy you don't go to someone like her. IN that sense I would do it all over again. Callouses (lessons) require friction (experience). Sorry about the metaphor :)

Let me also add that Shari Schreiber claimed she was the ONLY one out there that could treat nons OR BPDs... .and threatened to leave the therapy process if I didn't get "better at it" (abandonment) and was constantly critical... .and she said anyone that left her process would be back, and then she would raise her rate.

I see her as dangerous - again, this is my opinion, based on my own experience.

Avoid Shari Schreiber.  She claimed she was the ONLY one out there that could treat nons OR BPDs... .and threatened to leave the therapy process if I didn't get "better at it" (abandonment) and was constantly critical... .and she said anyone that left her process would be back, and then she would raise her rate.

I see her as dangerous - again, this is my opinion, based on my own experience.

  Shari Schreiber

GRRR!

It's good if you want to be angry... .  but it focuses on the negative, and I feel like she is mentally ill herself. Anyone that disagrees with her is generally labeled as BPD. She dated so many BPD guys... .  that sound more like NPD... .  I think she is bitter from bad relationships with men with BPD.

Sure I feel like that myself, but it's not professional. It also adds a huge stigma to people with this mental illness.

She also claims all BPD men are narcissists... .  is this true?

I find that she is destructive, and to read her material if you want to be strong and move away from your BPD ex. Then you can sit there going: "Yeah, damn straight! They are so awful!"

But I found it's so negative, and she doesn't think people should date people with BPD... .  which isn't fair as everyone needs, wants and deserves to be loved.

This was the final straw for me on the Internet, and gave me a very bad impression of Internet based information... .  until I came here.

Thank you for your forthrightness. I believe it is of interest to members to know. As for your dealings with HON Foundation, it helps a great deal to clear the unhelpful from the constructive. Keep up the honesty and fabulous work you do.

Ian

My boyfriend is being manipulated and brainwashed by Shari Schreiber. I realized all to late what was going on and now I can only wait patiently and hope that he will emerge from all of this. Many red flags... .   the worst is that she actually threatened him: "either break up with your girlfriend or I will stop counseling you."  No one has the right to make decisions for another person. She is trying to play the role of God. This is not therapy, this is a bitter woman's quest for power and control. (And there is no way that she is "healthy" herself... .   her tweets especially are extremely defensive and arrogant).

Side note: another blogger mentioned that Shari charges $160/hr... .   which is significantly more money than she is charging my boyfriend currently. I wonder why?

Is there a way to report her?  She is taking advantage of people in their most vulnerable states. People who are desperate for "the answers" are being mislead by her. Is there anything that can be done to stop her?

I found this form online... .   I cannot file a complaint because I was not her patient but some of you who have had her "therapy" would be able to.

breeze.ca.gov/datamart/loginCADCA.do (https://www.breeze.ca.gov/datamart/loginCADCA.do;jsessionid=DE964F27372964DC44AA3421B3840F09.vo10)

I thought Shari Schreiber's article on the BPD waif was very accurate and almost identical to my ex, although she did make me feel uncomfortable the way she said anybody that is with a waif has childhood issues themselves. She seems to enjoy criticizing people,also thought she was harsh on people with BPD. I actually got an email from her, asking for $200 an hour... .   em no.

i had an hour on the phone with Shari Schrieber at the beginning when i was in crisis.

I found her conversational style over familiar and she tried to pull the oldest trick in the book as a sales inducement, i.e  ' I am not sure I can work with you'

I paid £100 for the hours and whilst it was useful for me to decide not to continue with hindsight her blog did possibly stop me from making a suicide attempt as I was so traumatised at the time. So £100 seemed like good value at the time, however with hindsight now she does have a very polarized view of BPD, I agree.

Most recently my BPD told me he was in therapy because of me.  His therapist is none other than the notorious Sheri Schreiber.  

I researched her out and well, I was horrified.

The first 3 months after the breakup, I was at a really bad place. I drunk a lot and I spend hours and hours reading about BPD. I spent a lot of time on Shari Schreiber's site and while this website helps to understand what happened with a BPD, it's also dangerous. That woman earns her money with people that got hurt by BPDs. At some point I started to believe that I have a "core trauma", that it's my parents fault that I stayed for so long with my ex and so on. But this is when I realized that this is just not true and that I have been reading too much on website. My parents treated me well, I don't have any childhood traumas. I have been bullied a little at some point during high school, but that's not anything I need a therapy for.

I finally realized that I stayed for so long because I had a low self-esteem at the moment I dated my ex. I wasn't happy with my figure, I didn't go out much and I was still affected by my first girlfriend. I also had problems with being alone. So every since the beginning of this year I try to open a new chapter in my life. I work on fixing the issues that made me stay for so long in that relationship, which was nothing but horrible for the last 3 month before it ended.

I stumbled across Shari Schreiber . Her site gave me many of my first uh-huh  :light: moments. But I am also at a place of foregiveness with my exBPD and can be shocked on re-reading some of her pieces. I think the articles on this site (bpdfamily) are far more balanced and everything seems to hint at the need to look at our own stuff as much as their's.

I wanted to let everyone know that Shari Schreiber is not licensed therapist. She never passed her boards.  Her intern license was canceled years ago.

She is, however, licensed by the board of barbers and cosmeticians, license 61510. Same middle name.  Same physical address.

(http://www.oi59.tinypic.com/k5j4o.jpg) (http://www.oi59.tinypic.com/k5j4o.jpg)

Her original website in 2004 was about weight loss and how to quit smoking.

She does “International calling” meaning that if she’s administering counselling in a way that she needs to be licensed she must be licensed in every country she’s getting calls from.

If she she had a license in her home town in California, she can practice through all of America (Licenses from California, Texas, and New York (I believe only those three, possibly Florida too?) are accepted in every state). There is no “International Licensure”.

I've made a complaint about her. I can't share it here unfortunately.

I have read some her articles.  I found them to be filled with malice and anger. Her articles are based on her assertions, and not empirical evidence.  In my opinion , it is not constructive to shift all the blame to pwBPD.  If we do not take responsibility for our part in the relationship, we will never heal or grow as a person.  I have read a lot of literature on trauma bonding.

honestly, I'll have to say she is accurate. I've hired two professionals to try and profile my ex and they said the same thing she does. It is not malice if it's true.

The author overgeneralizes that all pwBPD act this way.  She fails to discern that PDs are spectrum disorders, they have a broad range of behaviors.  Yes, there are some common traits and behaviors, but asserting that all people with BPD are evil, vindictive, and non empathetic is a fallacy. It appears she is amalgamating BPD with ASPD.  I have read some of her responses to questions and they were absolutely ridiculous.  She has a grandiose sense of authority, especially for someone without a PhD.   Your ex seems to have a lot of ASPD traits. ASPD is a different ball game.  

It's amazing how every one has a different viewpoint.

I think men, will mostly like what this person writes, especially if the man is going through a lot of mental and emotional pain and suffering "supposedly" all caused by their BPD partner! They (the man)  are totally innocent! I mean who can believe that?  Her header page, is Fantastic for a man. We've got to speak the truth here.

What are her CREDENTIALS?  Is she balanced, fair, professionally experienced (academic & research tested) to handle this very complicated set of PD's?

I'm busy with CBT and DBT self help courses I found on BPD family site. I've almost finished CBT (Mood Gym) and I like what I'm doing - because it's starting to work a little bit.

If, there is one thing, I've learnt in life, it's stick to what is working.

Well... .I am new here so suppose I should keep comments brief and not too harsh but... .I have had experience with this so-called "therapist" however, as discussed in many forums Ms. Schrieber is NOT a therapist by any stretch of the imagination. She is a glorified life coach with, IMHO, the capacity to way overstep her boundaries as such.

Sure, she has some helpful insights and can reel in folks with her stylized prose.

Beyond that, this woman has some issues that become readily apparent when she loses her professional cool which had happened on more than one occasion with me. Not to mention that virtually everyone gets categorized as having BPD or NPD traits. This conveniently fits into a narrow scheme of thinking. She frequently uses the catch phrase "you can't hold a mirror to a narcissist" yet I suspect she fails to see herself in such a mirror, nor the BPD in it after a few rants she delivered.

I did absolve myself of such therapeutic techniques but once I became involved with a couple of very well-trained and professional therapists did I fully see such pit-falls - and hazards - of such narrow thinking.

Choose wisely and carefully, invest in your future with as much planning as you do your finances - this is, after all, a highly valued emotional investment.  

I've read Shari Schreiber articles on BPD before reaching bpdfamily.com and it seemed to me they are very biased against pwBPDs.

Do you think her approach is actually helpful in keeping a healthy relationship with a BPD partner or will cause the reader to give up on it and run for his/her life?

Here is a review of her work:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=148844

Here is a rundown on her credentials:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161211.msg1160463#msg1160463

I can't discern what the actual question was: are you simply reading her work or considering sessions with her?

I, too, was drawn to her written word (flaws and all; she desperately needs an editor) so I worked directly with her - and nearly suffered irreparable harm as a result.

She is NOT a licensed or trained therapist and is terribly slanted in her view.  Her methods leave much to be desired.

Extract from her articles what you find helpful but proceed with utmost caution if contacting her for phone sessions.  

Just  my 2 cents (and her nearly $200/hr).

Is Shari Schreiber's article helpful or not should we all read it?  Please A simple yes or no?

Short answer, in my personal opinion, no. I never really got anything out of her stuff. I'm sure there are those out there that have, I'm not one of them.

She might work for some, but I had a bad experience with her. If you search the net or call the Attorney General's office in California or New York, you will learn that I am not alone.  

As I understand it, she never had a valid therapist's license. She was an “intern” and that was revoked in 2001. The license she has held was a cosmetology license which she held from 1981 to 2013.  It's public record (#61510 California).

One complaint on the web says she is lying when she says she has formal background in personality disorders.  She started her web site in 2004 and listed her specialty as weight loss, career transitions, mid-life struggles, sexual difficulties, anxiety, (adult) Attention Deficit Disorders, issues I read that she struggles with personaly. Nothing about BPD. BPD doesn't appear on her website until October of 2009.  I verified this (www.archive.org/web).

She's a gypsy therapist operating below the radar.

I agree that she does this a lot. My exbf has ASPD and NPD traits along with his diagnosed BPD, so some of the information on Schreiber's site was helpful to me in the beginning, when the breakup was still so raw and I was struggling to make sense of everything.

I wouldn't recommend taking everything that she says to heart -- I wouldn't recommend that in anyone's case, but especially not here, given Schreiber's questionable credentials -- but you may find a couple of things that help you. Plus, reading her work led me to others' work on PDs, trauma bonds, etc., which was very helpful.

I agree with what a lot of others have said: it's best to look at our part in these relationships, rather than just casting all the blame onto the other person. Malice and blaming is not helpful for growth and recovery in the long run.

She a slick pitchman for sure. This Internet recording says it all and in her voice. Listen how effortlessly she lies about how she has been treating Borderline Personality Disorder for 20 years.  She even summarizes her patient criteria and method. Is it possible that she was treating this sophisticated disorder before she went to school?
 
Minutes later in the recording she explains that she typically has three "borderlines" in "treatment".
 
Here is the transcript in case you don't have time to listen.
 
  
 The Siren Song of Crazy, Toxic Women
 
Caller (35:44): I’d like to ask that you not generalize the way you’re doing it. Because once you get that kiss of death... .
 
You wouldn’t talk about somebody with cystic fibrosis the way you are.  You’re talking about borderlines in a fairly general way as being “watch out they're toxic, here’s how we protect ourselves…
 
Shari Schreiber (36:12): Karen dear ,with all due respect Karen, may I jump in here for a moment.
 
Tara J. Palmatier (36:16): Yes, I muted her so that you could talk.
 
Shari Schreiber (36:19): OK. Karen dear I don’t hate borderlines.  In fact some of my favorite clients are borderlines. Karen, I just, I treat borderlines.  I’ve treated borderlines for 20 years (1991-2011).  I’m very selective about who I’ll take on.  I have to feel as though, going into the deal, that they are highly motivated to heal and grow emotionally because Borderline Personality Disorder the very core of it the very root of it is arrested emotional development so if you can help people grow emotionally and move into adult development you have no more borderline symptoms… So, um, I do not hate borderlines.
 
Caller (37:05): Please don’t be offended. I enjoy this show.
 
Shari Schreiber (37:10): I’m not offended, dear, believe me I get hate mail that is far worse than this.

Later... .

Caller (38:18): Wow, are you ever a scary therapist.

Shari Schreiber (38:23): Ha ha ha. I'm not a therapist, dear, I'm not in the therapy business, I'm in the healing business and I work with plenty of borderlines over the past 20 years that I've actually helped get well and that is my commitment to them. But a lot of them don't want to get well, won't do the work. They are terrified of change of any kind an growth. So, I work with as many as I can work with. I usually have between 3 and 4 in my practice and some of them are psychotherapists.

blogtalkradio.com (https://web.archive.org/web/20120117223154/www.blogtalkradio.com/avoiceformen/2011/10/04/dr-t-the-siren-song-of-crazy-toxic-women)
 
Seriously, if you had BPD would you pay the person who wrote this rant to treat you?  gettingbetter.com/BPDrants.html (https://web.archive.org/web/20140328162914/www.gettinbetter.com/BPDrants.html)

In my first Internet searches on BPD, I came across this woman's "work" and read some of her articles.  I found them very dramatic and sensationalist, vindictive, blaming and vengeful.  Exactly all the type of drama I was trying to get away from in my situation at the time, having  gotten into a marriage with a man with BPD very quickly and now realising that something was terribly wrong.

So, I didn't find Shari Schreiber's take on BPD very helpful at all, in fact, I was so exhausted from all the drama in my own life, that I found her articles equally as exhausting to read through!

Talk about pouring salt into a painful wound!  

Yes Schreiber's articles are biased and clearly not objective (anyone should be able to see that, no matter what state of suffering they are in).

In the beginning, I took a lot of the blame for my failed relationship on myself (hence the user name). I didn't know about BPD before the relationship was over. Schreiber's in you face writing style gave me the necessary kick in the nuts, to realize this was not my fault. And it gave me the desire to seek more knowledge and broader view on BPD and human psychology in general.

So, YES, I do think she might be helpful for this. I was on a mainstream relationship-advice forum post-breakup, and found the link to her waif-article that way. Had I not stumbled upon her website, I might not have looked into BPD and I might not have ended up here.

Using her as the only source would not have been helpful, in my situation. But I am glad it lead me into researching more about BPD on my own and to this very website. If you are already doing you own research and active here, you will find her articles a bit amusing and extremely oversimplified.

When I was going through the worst period of the r/s a couple of years ago I found Schreiber's aritcles to be slightly helpful but often I would feel like a complete idiot and loser after reading the articles.

Since then I have checked out the website and try to take out of the articles whatever material might be helpful and admit some of her articles are amusing. If nothing else her articles helped make me more aware of and interested in learning about BPD, and sometimes provide a cold-slap wake up call through their abrasiveness.

Hi everybody from bpdfamily, I have been lurking around this message board a few times now.

I am a 19 year old male living in Denmark.

Yesterday i called Shari Shreiber asking her if she had any advice about dealing with borderline personality disorder.

She said that I should blame my mother. She told me that she was the one that had PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)ed me up (this is in her own words) - I told her that i didn't like the word blame - I told her that i think forgiveness is important. She said that i was full of ___. Anyway she continued with a few other derogatory comments. She asked me if i was still living with my mother and i said yes (Though i am moving next year) - She said I have a big ego and then I asked her how she knew that because we had only talked for 5 minutes and she was the one talking most of the time. She said because she had worked with people like me but then i told her she doesn't know me - I asked her how she knew how i thought because she was implying allot of things as if i thought of my mother as a saint, which I absolutely did not, but she kept brushing the fact that it was all her fault.

I want to live in peace and harmony. I blame my mother, but I forgive her. I have not forgotten but I do forgive her. Why? Simply because I want to live in peace. Blame causes anger, and behind anger there is fear.

Anyway she then said to me "You called me for answers so you better accept them" I said... .Well I just want to discuss... .Then at the end she said "Ok I guess this is the end of the conversation then?" so I said Ok and Bye.

Now I am just plain confused.

That's Schreiber's modus operandi for you and a clear indication of how she differs from more professional and dare I say credible counsellors.  She uses this one size fits all approach to those who seek advice from her. This self-proclaimed guru of all things BPD sees this mother issue as the standardized approach no matter what ones individualized background. Should someone seeking or be engaged in "therapy" with her (although therapy is not the best term since she is truly not qualified to provide it though she will fight tooth and nail that her life experience is better than any schooling - a highly narcissistic approach) take issue with that, as you had, she'll quickly and quite aggressively take the counter attack. Mind you, this is all coming from someone who has admittedly struggled with major mother issues of her own and claims to have worked past them yet it becomes clear in the consistent patterns presented to all with whom she has worked that her "core" issues - another favorite and redundant term of hers - seem to be replayed within a repetitive framework with all clients she encounters... .how utterly convenient for her and how potentially disastrous for clients.  I know; I'd been one of them.  

Did I learn some lessons? Yes, some valuable about myself but in the process some quite valuable about charlatans and folks who talk a good game. In so doing, I outpaced continuous  bewitching games before further damage was done - Sound like a familiar BPD/NPD pattern? You heard it yourself, didn't you? Why leave one "menacing" relationship for another?  Kudos to you for answering your own question... .you demonstrate wisdom beyond your years.  Best of luck in finding a qualified therapist but sounds like your instincts will be leading you in the right direction.

Schreiebr is one sided sure, but what is so odd to me is everything we say our exes did to us, she says they do those things.Are people here upset with her for predicting behavior? She says people with BPD leave nothing but broken hearts behind them right? Tell what we are doing here again? I hired two psychology experts and they said the same things she said. They also told me to work on myself. Everyone has an opinion. Her opinions so far have been dead on for me. This site is level headed and that's a good thing also.

I believe what anonymousguy and I were addressing were not so much Schreiber's articles which regretably we related to and reeled us in - but more to the point we had contacted her directly for the intent purpose of individualized therapy.  

The probem becomes much more apparent when blanket statements are revealed as being applied to everyone going through their unique BPD relationships in addition to how she directly speaks to people in a tough love type attitude.  

It's one thing to write that way, and another to use such an approach in "therapy" for which one is spending good money.

It was probably already mentioned somewhere in this long thread, but Shari Schreiber isn't even a licensed therapist in the state she works in, at least, not the last time I checked her site. In my opinion, her site is full of gross distortions to the point that it is not worth reading at all. I would never refer a person dealing with BPD traits to this site, and feel sorry for the people who were tricked out of money by her.

I noticed A.J., Tami and some other BPDs who recovered were named on this site. I would add Debbie Corso and also Scottish Clare (from TacklingBPD) although her site has not been working recently.

Schreiber is not a therapist. Avoid her and "a Shrink for Men by Tara Palmatier.

This (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161211.msg12546757#msg12546757) makes me wonder if Shari Shreiber is the female counterpart of Sam Vaknin. A self aware narcissistic bully who uses his/her knowledge to seduce victims for more abuse.  

I very recently spoke with Shari Schreiber on the phone. I called her because the information on her web site seems to be so dead-on about dealing with someone in a romantic relationship who exhibits BPD traits. Her articles have helped me during times of crisis in my relationship with my (possible) BPD.

My enthusiasm about her was quickly sad-tromboned. I agree with nearly everything that the people here who have had personal contact with her have said. Within just a couple of minutes of beginning our conversation, she had insulted me. After asking me for a very brief background on my situation, she asked me how old I was. I am in my mid-40's. She then told me she was shocked. She told me that emotionally, I seemed more like I was in my 20's, maybe my 30's, but certainly not my 40's. I'm not going to pretend to be a paragon of emotional maturity, but I've also done years and years of work on my issues: counseling, support groups, CODA, seminars, books, workshops, you name it. I feel like I have made quite a bit of progress though I still have miles and miles to go. Regardless, it was unprofessional and emotionally tone-deaf for her to throw something like that out after "knowing" me for all of two or three minutes. First major red flag.

She then told me it was all my mother's fault that I am the way I am. That's something I agree with to a certain extent and have explored in previous counseling but she beat on the subject like it had never occurred to me before. Next, she explained that I didn't have any empathy. She defined empathy. I told her that I certainly have a host of issues but empathy is one of the things I've always felt like I could do pretty well: put myself in another person's shoes. She told me I didn't know who I was and that I had no empathy. Second major red flag. Had she said this after counseling me for a couple of sessions, maybe there would have been some validity to it, but two or three minutes?

Then, she told me that she would need to work with me once a week for at least several months. I told her that might be a good plan, but it would depend on price. I asked her what her price was. She made a comment about only wanting people who were committed to getting better. Then, she said her price was $225/hr. I told her that was a lot of money. ":)amn right," she replied. She asked what I did for a living. I told her. My job pays pretty well and is known for paying pretty well. But then she told me that I might have to take on a couple of part-time jobs to pay for her services. This, to me, was the third major red flag. She knew nothing about my personal situation at that point in terms of whether or not it would be a healthy and functional thing for me to take on a couple of part-time jobs in addition to my full-time job to pay for her. What if I had kids (I do)? What if I was under a tremendous amount of stress (I kind of am)? It also seemed like a bit of a manipulation in that it seems she might be attempting to lure the male ego into needing to prove that it's good enough. Y'know, that "Of course, I have the money" / "Keeping up with Joneses" kind of dynamic that men are apt to fall prey to?

She then went on and on. She talked about how booked with clients she is. She talked about how she didn't know if she could work with me. More red flags (high-pressure sales job). I felt like I was being pressured into buying time-share counseling. She told me to re-read her article about Do You Want to be Needed or Need to be Wanted. She said that I needed to reread that article and then call her back in a few weeks after I figured out who I was. I told her, look, I've been doing years of work and I don't think reading your article a few times is going to magically open my eyes as to my true identity. I told her if I decided to work with her I'd call her back in a few days. She then literally screamed at me that I needed to wait at least three weeks because what I didn't get was that her practice was full and she couldn't take me on until then if she took me on at all. Then, she hung up on me. Fourth major red flag along with probably eight or nine other less-major red flags during the course of our 30-minute conversation. She also told me that she had a full line-up of calls to make and that this was wasting her time. Then why'd you let the call go on that long with all of your digressions?

After our conversation, I was kind of in shock. The unhealthy part of me that was bullied as a kid and that has gotten me into relationships with BPD's wanted to run after her and try to get her approval. Then, the healthy part of me said, "NO THAT'S BS" to the unhealthy part of me. One of the ways I've grown over the years is to learn to trust my instinct. When something seems wrong, 99 times out of 100, it is wrong. Sorry folks, Shari Schreiber is a bully and possibly mentally ill herself. Again, my expectation of her, based on the articles on her web site, was 180 out from what I experienced on the phone with her. After my experience talking to her, I would never recommend that anyone engage in counseling with her. I see that ending in disaster.

BTW, I've also done several Skype sessions with Dr Palmatier. She is good. However, there is nothing magical about her advice. But it is good advice and I believe she does really care. She did, however, become very repetitive after about the fourth session. She is also pretty busy and clicked away on the computer while she talked to me: like she was editing blog articles or something. That's not really cool or professional. She is, however, empathetic and levels and levels above Shari Schreiber. She's does not come off as mentally ill or angry or anything like that. She is easy to talk to. My main beef with her was that she would be distracted by whatever was going on on her computer more than I liked while we were talking. She did help me though and she is cheaper than Shari Schreiber. No high pressure sales jobs from her at all.

thanks for sharing your experience Parnikal... .

I whole heartedly advice to stay away from sheri schrieber and Tara Palmatier.  BPD is well known among qualified professionals it is not groundbreaking news to them like it is to us. I have been out of my relationship with a pwBPD for about a year and a half.  I have done my homework and learned about the disorder and examined myself read clinical texts etc. I have seen most of the same advertised BPD stuff on the net, life coaches and what not and I do not think they are any more qualified than me to offer the services they offer, in fact I see major issues with pretty much all of them that at this point in my healing journey and it is clear they are not even at a beginner level in continental psychoanalytic theory or they would be aware of the ethical boundaries they are crossing.

I would agree 100% that she is harsh, but it was what I needed to wake up and smell the coffee. I was reeling a few months after my b/u with no idea there was anything like BPD. So many of her articles hit the nail on the head. I wouldn't have hired her as a therapist either. I don't approve of high pressure tactics at all. For what it was worth, her articles did help me to recognize the unhealthy qualities of my former r/s. I saw a lot in the article on the Waif especially in my case. I have my compassion for my exunBPD but I have no desire to re-engage. It's important to me to feel compassionate for those who struggle with BPD and not to be too harsh. At one time I was very angry and bitter, and I don't have any desire to be near my ex or to interact with her... .just because I know it won't be a healthy, grounded in mutual reality, kind of experience.

I don't know where I heard this, but I THINK her mom has/had BPD. This damages anyone's psyche. Also, since kids don't choose their mother (unlike partners) it seems like (and is if the person is not seeking treatment) very bad luck and unfair and people can get angry at the world (part of grief) or may go a different way. Mostly I have seen people afraid.

I have mixed feelings. On the one hand her article about males with BPD saved my brain from going crazy, because legitimately I could not figure out what would cause the erratic behavior in my former fiancé.

On the flip side, as a therapist in training myself I feel like she's a very derogatory with the way she talks. I love my former fiancé and while her article helped me see what was going on with him I didn't like the picturing his face with the vilifying nature in which she talks.

I also found her comments about copyright infringement very unprofessional. I think there are better ways to say things. I don't want to be paranoid with all the reading I've been doing but sometimes she comes across as a little haughty and grandiose... .

I found the site Shari Schreiber.com - she talks a lot about BPDs and those enmeshed/attracted to them. A lot of it spoke to me in a profound way. However I am a sensible woman (well, kinda) and it just doesn't seem sensible to pay a stranger a lot of money with a credit card for a phone call. She describes her methods as unconventional but doesn't say what they actually are... .I'm just interested to know if anyone on the site has used her services and would recommend or otherwise,

Thanks

Check Reply#53 above in this thread.

I went against my better judgement and called her.

WOW!

Very old (in her seventies), very triggery, very condescending, and she launched right into her manipulation speak. I got the whole "you may not be worthy of my services" pitch.

Clearly she is trolling for people with attachment issues and insecurities to financially exploit.

Scary.

yes i got the same pitch back in 2013 - very dodgy!

I have BPD. I called her. I said I thought maybe I got it from my passed mother, I don't know, and she said it would have been better if my mom had never been born. I hung up on her. That does not help.