Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
May 27, 2017, 03:00:34 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Why do we get angry? Read here
Administrator: heartandwhole
Moderators: Meili, once removed
Member support team: gotbushels, Tattered Heart, Turkish, wendydarling, Woolspinner2000
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
Complete and Unabridged Definitions of Borderline, Narcissistic, Antisocial, and Oppositional Defiant Personality Disorder. The only unabridged DSM 5 definitions published on the Internet.
220
Pages: [1] 2 ... 7   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: childish behaviors  (Read 6697 times)
makinmecrazy
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 55



« on: August 09, 2010, 09:37:07 AM »

Hi, I've read the book WOE, all through this website, and a lot of the messges posted here and am learning (about/why) my uBPDh's behavior is, but I need some suggestions on how to deal with his extremely childish pouting and sulking, his ongoing spiteful attitude when he perceives he's been "wronged", and his holding endless (obvious-embarrassing!) grudges towards people.

He's 65 years old but most of the time acts more like a spoiled 8 year old.  Once he feels/perceives he's been insulted, slighted, ignored etc. he turns from being 'Mr. Nice Guy' into a spiteful vengeful brat towards them.  It's embarrassing especially since now he's starting to do it to neighbors and my family (currently my brother because he didn't jump fast enough when my uBPDh asked him to do us a favor).

The other thing I have a hard time dealing with is his constant negative comments and opinions about every and anything. I am a happy,optimistic and outgoing person so it drives me crazy that I can't ever talk with him or just make a statement without some sort of rebuttal from him. It's like he always has to try to 'rain on my parade' or prove me wrong. If I say black he says white. Sometimes I just can't hide my annoyance which of course leads to him having a meltdown because in his favorite words"I can't ever say anything, you want me to never say anything about anything".  No! I just want to be able to have normal adult back and forth pleasant conversations with him like I can with all the other adults in my life! I feel like I'm in a realtionship with a child .  I always have to 'walk on eggshells' and make sure his feelings are validated and taken care of and listen to him whine and complain, but I'm not allowed to have a bad day or moment, or get mad, sad or upset. I also am not supposed to ever have my own opinion.  Most days I feel like an emotional hostage in my own home.

Is there any hope?

Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for discussing effective actions for solving ongoing and day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems.
This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this  group by (clicking here).
Ghislaine
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 79


« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2010, 09:56:42 AM »

When you mention his age I feel that big changes in outlook and attitude are difficult (not impossible) as we get older.  Many say BPD behaviors get worse with age.  I would keep working on your boundaries, and communications skills as laid out here in the workshops.  A person with a personality of easily feeling slighted, and generally being negative, isn't likely to get better without hard work with a therapist.  My BPDexh had some similar traits.  He is 60.  I felt that a lot of his behaviors were getting slowly worse over time.  The grudge problem is especially difficult and no amount of reasoning with them can change their minds.  Good luck to you.
Logged
havana
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 5308



« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2010, 10:12:35 AM »

Hi makinmecrazy


Quote
Is there any hope?

At 65 years old I don't think you are going to get him to change. He is happy being miserable & he wants to drag everyone else in the gutter with him.


Welcome!
Logged

Life is short. Shorter for some than others.
makinmecrazy
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 55



« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2010, 10:41:09 AM »

Therapy is out of the question.  He does seem to be getting worse with age, and he is miserable- absolutely, and you're also right about the gutter. As far as grudges- he's the king and no amout of reasoning will ever get him to change his mind.  ?
Logged
WalrusGumboot
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2856


Two years out and getting better all the time!


« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2010, 10:44:54 AM »

I just want to be able to have normal adult back and forth pleasant conversations with him like I can with all the other adults in my life! I feel like I'm in a realtionship with a child . 

I'm sorry you go through this but it is very common when dealing with a BP. In my 22 years of marriage, I have never felt my uBPDw and I were on the same side of just about everything, especially when it comes to finances. While my thinking is what is best in the interest of the family, hers is what is in the best interest of her. It is like dealing with a child because young children are egocentric.

The no-win situation I find myself in is that dealing with it day in and day out shuts down our communication, then she gets angry that "we never talk anymore". The only safe conversation is about her life, and agreeing with her even if she is wrong, but I lose myself in the process.
Logged

"If your're going through hell, keep going..." Winston Churchill
Pixie-Dust
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 585



« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2010, 10:52:18 AM »

Wow, that sounds like my H bigtime! ? I've noticed mine getting worse over time too. Not fun. I think they need heavy duty help, professionally. Mine won't go get help, because he says I am the problem not him.. rolleyes. All I can say is it really sucks dealing with a grown man that acts like a school-yard bully and/or sulking pouting child. Try to depersonalize, detach, leave the room or house when he does these things. The childish behaviors are extremely annoying...I dealt with this crap this weekend w/ my H.    Blaming, sulking, mocking, putting me down etc. As soon as he would start, I'd leave to another room. In my experience, they aren't capable or interested in any grown up normal conversation. Everything is superficial with mine. He doesn't even seem to have his own opinions or a real personality for that matter.  I stopped confiding to my H, stopped saying my fears/worries, rarely say my opinions and if I do...I do not give a rats ___ what he thinks of it, I try not to depend on him anymore, etc. This has helped me deal in my situation.

I've basically given up hope on having a normal healthy happy relationship with him. That has given me more peace and freedom. I did go through a grieving period about this though, then anger, then acceptance. Sorry your having to deal with this crap in your life.     -Pixie

*
Quote
As far as grudges- he's the king and no amout of reasoning will ever get him to change his mind. 

This is so familiar to me it's sick! Mine is miserable too and holds grudges over small things, accidents, and totally made up things. You cannot reason with them. They aren't interested in making things right for peace sake, at least mines not.

*
Quote
The only safe conversation is about her life, and agreeing with her even if she is wrong, but I lose myself in the process.

That's so true. It's really sad.
Logged
kyberjay
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 113


« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2010, 12:34:02 PM »

6 months into the divorce- you'd think that at some point here we'd have some type of meaningful discussion about how to move forward- all I ever get from her are childish noises and faces in response... Can't wait until she has to answer some of these questions in court...and wonder if she will act the same way, completely lose it/go into brain lock, or try to give an appropriate response which will more than likely come out entirely disorganized and unrelated!  AGGREVATING!  PD traits
Logged
Auspicious
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 8444



« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2010, 01:09:54 PM »

Therapy is out of the question. 

Meaning, you have asked him to undertake therapy and he has refused?


Is he diagnosed with BPD or another mental illness?
Logged

Have you read the Lessons?
niknak


Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 45


« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2010, 02:58:08 PM »

I can relate, totally...my uBPDh can have a conversatin ( if he is in the right mood), but the same conversation can turn childish very quickley.  I think that he loses interest in the conversation quickly and gets bored if the topic does not interest him. ?
Logged
kyberjay
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 113


« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2010, 03:30:42 PM »

oh yeah? Well  ;p  !
Logged
2017 Financial Sponsors
Thank you. We are all appreciative of the thoughtful and responsible men and women who provide the support, education, and brotherhood to keep BPDFamily on the air and make a difference in the lives and families of many. To all, thank you for this wonderful resource.
12years
ackybreaky
Aiming4Kindness
akv
Aletheia
alf
allienoah
Anez
anothercasualty
antony_james
apocalypsenow
ArleighBurke
At_Bay
Aussieman
Avi
Axial
azbubba
babyducks
baconeggs
Barny1705
bearhunter
berry
bestintentions
bigredneck
bigsis
blackstone
Bob
bpdmom99
brahmin
braveSun
BritishDad
bunny4523
busybee1116
Calm Waters
Caroled
Cat Familiar
cdizzle
cherisw
chobers
Chosen
chump
cj488
cjames
Clearmind
cleotokos
Cmjo
Cole
Confused1234
confusedhubby
Conundrum
coworkerfriend
cricket
Crushedbyac
Curiously1
Darsha500
dealingwithit
DearBFF
Deb
doubleAries
DoxieLover
drained1996
DreamGirl
duncsvoice
Dutched
earlgrey
earlyL
Englishheart
Eye438
F150
Fian
Fie
FinallyItsTime
Finding Courage
Findingmysong723
flubber767
FlyFish
foggydew
foogarden
Foolishwizdom
ForeverDad
Fr4nz
Frank88
Free One
fromheeltoheal
Gables
Gagrl
Gema
gettingoverit
Gift to myself
gloveman
Gorges
gotbushels
half-life
HappyChappy
Harmless
HarposGal
Harri
havana
Healthy88
heartandmind
heartandwhole
Herodias
Homefree
HopefulDad
HopefulPapaOf2
img001
incadove
InIndia
inwardliberation
its_rosie
JaneStorm
Japeslee
jasmine-1234
jellibeans
Jellycat3
JerryRG
jo19854
joeramabeme
JohnSmith2016
JonnyKrunch
Joyinmotion
JulesC
junebug1929
KansasDad
kc sunshine
Keep
kentavr3
kiddfei
kim peter
Klera
knowingmyself
Kowalski
Kwamina
Kyanite
laker
Larmoyant
Leaf
Learning Fast
letgogirl
Lifewriter16
LilMe
little doggy
ost_in_translation
love4meNOTu
lovenature
lovestogarden
lucylou
luter
malibu4x
maple
Mars22
maryy16
mavis
maxen
Me-Time
meanlittleface
Meili
Memorial Donation
mggt
micWel
Mimmo
mitatsu
Mommyx3
Mother-in-law
MP2
mscj
Mutt
Naughty Nibbler
nevaeh
NewChick33
newlyhopeful
ninjacat
Nope
NorthernGirl
Oakridge
Octy
onelittleladybug
ortac77
ou81201370
P.F.Change
PaGuy
Panda39
patientandclear
PaulaJeanne
PDQuick
Pedros28
Penumbra66
Phoenix
PhoenixJade
Pilate
Pilpel
PinkieV
Pipedreamer25
pr0gressnotperfecti0n
Pretty Woman
Prim808
puppyA
Purged
Qcarolr
Quama
RAPIDclassic1
Rapt Reader
Raul
RDMercer55
Recycle
rfriesen
Ridingthewaves
Riguez
Roselee
RunningWithScissors
Ryno
rzr14
Sad4mydad
Sadly
samanthal
samuell
SamwizeGamgee
sanemom
schwing
SCM
Scrabble
seeperplexed
SES
sidra36
SilentObserver
Skip
Slipping
Sluggo
Someday . . .
Soniab72
Sophia77
StandingTall
steelwork
stellaris
stimpy
Stjarna
stockholmama
supermum
Survived
swampped
SweetCharlotte
sweetheart
T2H
takingandsending
Tattered Heart
tbddbt
TBirdy
Tea Fish
The Teacher
Theo41
TheraminFlick
thisagain
TigerEye
Tippy
TommyBahama
trappeddad
TruthLover
trytrytry
Turkish
ugghh
UndauntedDad
VitaminC
volumetwo
wag the dog
waverider
wchi
wellwellwell
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
whitebackatcha
WhoMe51
william3693
winston72
WitzEndWife
Woolspinner2000
worn_out
yaffle
yamada
Yaryar87
zaqsert


Pay it forward Here

Pages: [1] 2 ... 7   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  



Study the thought patterns and inclinations of a BPD spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Learn relationship building and learn communication skills and strategies for personal growth.

Welcome
READ BEFORE POSTING
Make your first post

Take the pledge
Tell us your story

Perspective Articles
The big picture
Is it BPD?
What does it take to make it?

What is the first step?
[Basic Tools]
Wisemind
Ending Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't be Invalidating
Setting Boundaries

Lessons

1 Understanding your partner’s behaviors.

2 Understanding your role in the relationship.

3 Tools: communication validation, and reinforcement of good behavior.

4 Surviving  confrontation and disrespect.

5 Finding inner strength and hope.

6 When everything else fails.


Workshops
Participate Here

Frequently asked questions
... about BPD.
... about using the board.


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2017, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!