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Author Topic: Why do pwBPD sometime speak with a childlike voice?  (Read 31854 times)
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Person in your life: Romantic partner
Posts: 97

« Reply #20 on: November 30, 2016, 04:08:01 AM »

My ex uBPD did more of a childlike impersonation during times of emotional stress.   It wasn't very frequent but she would almost take on the role of a innocent child with the talk and expressions.  I think it was a outcry for comfort and compassion, but nonetheless, bizarre.

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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 87

« Reply #21 on: November 30, 2016, 04:47:30 AM »

underneath everything, there is a child that never was allowed to grow up in many borderlines. And maybe also in ourselves.

So it is kind of suppressed and when we feel totally safe in a loving relationship, this part can come out.

I think deep down that was the deepest connection we shared, to really open up these young and innocent parts in ourselves.

Unfortunately, these parts are hidden beneath a lot of brokenness, and the brokenness will make sure that that connection will fail sooner or later.

Babytalk i never really experienced, i think it was more that a part of our love was a childish love, both in a good and a bad way.
You say many things that have been on the verge of my awareness for months. I saw childish behaviour from my BPD ex. In the single most touching and perplexing moment of our relationship she became almost infantile with me. It was one of a handful of moments of astonishing trust and openness that she shared with me. Those moments are gifts that I cherish today, despite the hurts.

I saw the childishness in her early on but never admitted it in myself. There are many examples in my own behaviour, looking back on things. The best aspect of the whole relationship, which we discussed many times, was the playfulness.

It had a fairytale mood, but fairytales have dark sides. We carried on at the cognitive level of adults, but it was emotional abandon, recklessness. We played well because she knew my vulnerabilities. She exposed my tenderest wounds, and I felt comforted by that. I felt a sense of safety and acceptance, not a sense of isolation or shame. Feelings of safety and acceptance are basic feelings that I recall from my own childhood.

These feelings also emerge when I go into the manic phase of bipolar, with an intensity that is hard to convey. I described it to a psychiatrist like this:

"I have a great feeling of harmony in the species, despite all pain. It's a feeling I have had often, since I was a kid, as if I were at home in the species. But then it was always just a vague comforting feeling, never so constant and beckoning as now."

This is what I have lost through all my suffering. Now it takes hurt -- the manic flight or relationship trauma -- to expose it.

You sum up the confusion of my relationship well: "these parts are hidden beneath a lot of brokenness, and the brokenness will make sure that that connection will fail sooner or later." How I wish I had known this sooner. I was naive to enter a relationship with someone so wounded when I am so wounded myself.
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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3016

« Reply #22 on: November 30, 2016, 09:46:12 AM »

okay, ill bite.

yes my ex did this. so did several girls i have known, and its always made me cringe. yet in my relationship i found myself doing it back.

its not a "BPD thing", let alone a trait. i did wonder what it might have to do with schema modes, though, if anything.

and I think it's gonna be all right
yeah, the worst is over now
the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 819

« Reply #23 on: November 30, 2016, 01:21:39 PM »

Yeah, my ex was pretty prolific with the 'baby talk'.

It would kind of weird me out at times, because if she was in one of those 'moods' (or, as once removed is saying, perhaps it is a schema identity) she would just not snap out of it. I'd had to leave the room and go do something else—then eventually she would return to 'normal'.

I don't think that this is something that can be restricted to a pwBPD exclusively, though. However, considering the nature of the disorder it would make sense given the ability to slip into an emotionally arrested state at moments.

It still amazes me that I have yet to really figure her out fully in my own mind. Closure is illusive, but with each new memory or trait I dig up I become calmer and life gets a whole bunch more pleasant on the regular.


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Person in your life: Romantic partner
Posts: 43

« Reply #24 on: November 30, 2016, 01:37:07 PM »

My GF uses baby talk all the time. I don't know if she is trying to look cute or if its reverting back to childhood. IDK,
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Person in your life: Other
Posts: 3593

« Reply #25 on: November 30, 2016, 06:21:49 PM »

My mother does this. Sometimes it's part of being manipulative - she gets all flirty, bats her eyes talks in this cute little baby voice. Oh I'm so helpless I need a big strong person to do this for me. Kind of freaky when that big strong person is me- and I'm not big or strong. Somehow though she was so super feminine that I felt like I was masculine compared to her- and I have no manly traits!

She's used the baby voice with my kids and it freaks them out to hear their grandma do this. But they have grown up with stronger boundaries than I did and her behavior doesn't affect them as it did me.

I don't know why she does this. I guess for one it works. I don't have proof of this but I suspect she was abused as a child. She is often in emotional pain without a source that I can tell. We tried our best to care for her and to make her happy - but we couldn't help this.
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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 427

« Reply #26 on: December 01, 2016, 06:58:53 AM »

My ex is male and didn't use "baby talk" but sometimes he did have a strange conversational tone.

When he was talking about cooking, or finances, or other adult subjects, his tone and phrasing was of the 1950s.  He was a child in the fifties. It's difficult to describe here but familiar to me because we are of an age and I recognised the phrasing and the tone from my childhood - and they sounded odd in today's world.

He was serious about what he was discussing, but he sounded like a young child in the fifties copying his mother or father to sound like a grown up. It made me uncomfortable.

Does anyone else have experience of male BPD's conversations striking an odd, anachronistic note?
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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 134

« Reply #27 on: December 10, 2016, 10:35:32 AM »

Hello everybody, I'm a newbie. Discarded since 3 weeks...

I can relate to this childlike voice-thing. My ex gf - not yet diagnosed but meets all the criteria...textbook - had a meltdown in September, a proper one. I won't write of all the things that happened, want to stay on the subject here, but once the emergency psych unit had arrived and had talked her out of her most desperate behaviour she started speaking with this creepy and really infantile voice, while hiding her face in a cushion. Saying things like "No I'm fine, we're just gonna watch a movie and enjoy the Saturday evening together." Like the trying to cut herself with pieces from the glass she shattered never happened. Like the melon she threw across the room wasn't now all over the place. The change of tone was really heartbreaking but of course extremely eerie.

I think maybe it's got something to do with dissociation. Denial. Wanting out, to be somewhere/someone else. Apart from this incident my ex gf seemed to enjoy belittling me (e.g. pinching my cheeks while saying how good looking I am blablabla...nothing new there I guess).

Any thoughts?

The sun that shines knows no tomorrow / This heart of mine you can only borrow
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