Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 23, 2017, 03:47:35 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
50% rate of personality disorder in intimate partners of women with BPD Read here
Administrator: heartandwhole
Moderators: Meili, once removed
Member support team: DaddyBear77, Flourdust, Tattered Heart, Turkish, wendydarling, Woolspinner2000
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
Think About It... As an adult child of someone with BPD, you've likely been cultivating and honing certain beliefs and behaviors since infancy. As a baby, you viscerally sensed anger, frustration, and despair through your parents' touch, voice, and you felt tension tightening the air...what you learned may have helped you protect yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally from your borderline parent, but it's probably not serving you well now". ~ Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D., LCSW, Surviving a Borderline Parent
Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Down
Author Topic: Is BPD a mental illness? is it a sickness?  (Read 1366 times)
broccoli girl
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 69

« on: February 25, 2012, 06:21:59 AM »

My therapist and I had a discussion last night where he said that some mental health experts would not classify BPD as a mental illness (he agrees that it is though).  This has upset me...it very much helps to think of my diagnosed BPD mom as mentally ill. 

I mean, what else do you call someone who is that manipulative and at times cruel?  (I don't know --- maybe you just call them manipulative and cruel.)

Anyway, your thoughts are appreciated...
Retired Staff
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 2780

« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2012, 06:30:29 AM »

My T refers to it as a mental illness also. Maybe some mental health experts don't consider BPD a mental illness because it's not caused by physical trauma (like brain damage), a genetic defect (like Downs Syndrome) or genetics. It's recognized in the DSM IV, so I'd guess that most mental health professionals would look at it as a mental illness.

I agree with our Ts--even though they think that BPD traits are often learned, I do think that the disorder affects the person's personality and thoughts to the degree that he/she doesn't function the way that a non would.

Offline Offline

Posts: 102

« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2012, 07:40:33 AM »

My therapist and I had a discussion last night where he said that some mental health experts would not classify BPD as a mental illness (he agrees that it is though).  This has upset me...it very much helps to think of my diagnosed BPD mom as mentally ill.  

I mean, what else do you call someone who is that manipulative and at times cruel?  (I don't know --- maybe you just call them manipulative and cruel.)

Anyway, your thoughts are appreciated...

I would say it depends on how you define the phrase "mental illness"  I would define it as a persistent pattern of mental beliefs and characteristics which greatly interfere with one's ability to socialize and work. So defined, I would say that BPD is a mental illness.  

I do think it's useful to see BPD as a mental illness.  If a non-BPD family member were to act in a manipulative (or even cruel) way, it would be worth it to explain to them that they are mistreating you; to urge them to shape up; and so on.  Thinking of BPD as a mental illness makes it clear that this sort of exhortation will not be effective.  It also makes it easier to compare notes with other family members of pwBPD and to let you predict and deal with the pwBPD's behavior.

For me, thinking of my sister as being mentally ill is very helpful because it takes my focus away from my anger and indignation over her misconduct; makes me realize that it's a waste of time to reason with her; and helps me to face the reality that we will never have a normal, loving brother-sister relationship.  Not until they discover a cure for BPD.

Perhaps most importantly, thinking of my sister as being mentally ill helps me recognize her twisting of reality for what it is.  See, in normal life when a person demands an apology from you, it's natural to ask yourself if you did anything wrong, perhaps even to agonize over it.  In normal life, when you have a bad interaction with an acquaintance, it's natural to ask yourself whether you could have behaved differently or even to obsess over it.  Accepting that the person is mentally spares you all of this obsessing and doubt.  It makes you realize that there was nothing you could have done any differently.  It absolves you.

So I think you need to ask yourself:  Why is it that you find it helpful to think of your family member as being mentally ill?  And how would you define "mental illness"?

« Last Edit: February 25, 2012, 08:19:48 AM by rehtorb70 » Logged

Offline Offline

Posts: 15

« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2012, 08:31:35 AM »

When I came to the conclusion that my uBPDsis was 99% likely uBPD, I felt a sense of relief that there was the possibility of her not being intentionally cruel and manipulative due to an inherent evil or malice -- but instead, it was possible she acted out destructive behaviour because her thinking is disordered and she has a considerable amount of unresolved mental anguish.

I empathise a lot with your description, Rehtorb -- thinking of my sis having a problem she is unable to control due to illness is helpful, because it's changed my approach to communicating with her. I still can't seem to get through to her, but I hate myself less for failing, and don't beat myself up for 'being a bad friend/sister'.

Regardless of what some professionals say, Broccoli Girl, I would say BPD is as much as a mental illness as depression or bi-polar. It's a horrible thing which eclipses a persons ability to function productively, with society and with themselves.
Offline Offline

Posts: 177

« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2012, 12:01:07 PM »

First, the analysis of whether or not it's a mental illness does not change my decision to stay vLC and refuse to visit my uBPD mother. I still refuse to be a victim anymore regardless of the reason for the abuse. As to whether it is a mental illness, I think it's a mental illness, with the biggest clue being, why would someone WANT to act like that and constantly take the consequences? Why would someone keep doing things that result in people refusing to want to be around them? It doesn't make any sense. If she was not mentally ill, she might make a mistake once or a number of times until the consequences became too painful to bear, then she would change her behavior, but she doesn't. She's lost so many friends, acquaintances, and jobs over the years, that she should have figured out by now that it's NOT the rest of the world that's the problem: It is HER behavior that is causing her losses. She is a reasonably intelligent person and should be able to figure that out. So my thinking is that it is a mental illness.

Offline Offline

Posts: 22

« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2012, 12:35:30 PM »

A question I have reflected on a lot is 'does it matter if she (my mom) is mentally ill?

Maybe it doesn't matter because...

-She will never get diagnosed or treated

-Nobody I know has found a way to comfort her, find good ways to deal with her, or fix things

-I have to figure out how to react to things

-Whether it's an illness or not, can we look for patterns/ways to help?

Maybe it does matter because...

-If it is a mental illness, it's okay for me to believe things and say things that would make her irate (like visiting this message board and believe there is a such thing as mental illness, whether she has one or not)

-I don't have to try to believe and make sense of what she says and asks for, because one wouldn't expect it to make sense

I think I share the feeling you have, broccoli girl, that it helps to think of he as mentally ill.  My overall conculsion at this point is that it's something mental, and it's something wrong. 

I haven't spent much time conversing on these boards or researching or talking to a therapist yet, so I'm not sure if that conclusion will change eventually.
Offline Offline

Posts: 777

« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2012, 05:03:02 PM »

Our T sees it as a mental illness...but one that is nearly impossible to treat due to the fact that a pwBPD will rarely seek treatment for it or acknowledge that they have it.

It makes me feel a lot better to see MIL as being sick rather than just being a mean woman.  And...it makes it easier for me to justify staying no contact with her and keeping my kids from her.  If she's mentally ill, she's not safe for them to be around. 

Either way...these are dangerous people who can really ruin your mental stability.
Sara M
Offline Offline

Posts: 791

« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2012, 05:18:58 PM »

My therapist and I had a discussion last night where he said that some mental health experts would not classify BPD as a mental illness (he agrees that it is though).  This has upset ...it very much helps to think of my diagnosed BPD mom as mentally ill. 

I have heard and read in many journals that it is a disorder, different than a mental illness. It is pervasive and resistant to treatment.

The disorder is an inherent part of the person's personality.

It is not considered to be a disease, as it does not necessarily get worse with time.

Because it is not considered a mental illness, there is a problem with some insurances covering the disorder...because it is pervasive and resistant to treatment, insurance companies sometimes won't cover the illness/disorder. Therefore, it is hard to recoup the monies from insurance companies. But, often the therapist will be able to get coverage due to the underlying illnesses that accompany the disorder, eg.,depression, anxiety, chemical abuse. These illnesses are often covered by insurance.

At least this is how I interpret the disorder.


Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 553

« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2012, 05:22:43 PM »

For me it's helpful, at least to have a framework that helps to explain where some of my parents screwed up thought processes might be coming from. It helps the fact that my father doesn't love me, to understand that he doesn't really have that capacity, even when it comes to himself. My father likely has antisocial personality- which is very different than borderline, but the principle is the same I guess. It qualifies as some kind of mental disorder.

In the case of my mother, oddly (or not so) it helps me to empathize with her. Knowing, or having a better idea, where her ugliness comes from makes it easier for me to detach with less anger, and to understand better that her moods and her treatment of her children wasn't our fault. It's because her brain is broken in some way, which will probably never be diagnosed or treated. She will probably die (eventually) without being free from overwhelming, conflicting, and often painful emotions.

It's helpful for me to know that I didn't cause those things in them, and I can't fix them, and my presence isn't able to help them. I can't abandon people who don't know what it really means for me to be there in the first place.

"Sunny days wouldn't be special if it weren't for rain.
Joy wouldn't feel so good if it weren't for pain."
-Curtis troll

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 37

« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2012, 01:54:00 AM »

It's not a mental illness like schizophrenia, manic depression, etc., that stems from brain chemicals. People with those diseases cannot help their condition.

If a person with BPD was in the presence of someone they wanted to impress, they could turn off their bad behavior like a switch and put on a great facade of normalcy, all the while treating those who they CAN get away with abusing, like they're dogs. It's borderline personality disorder, a behavioral disorder. A disorder of behavior, that you have to unlearn.

I do not think of it as a mental illness, which is uncontrollable and requires medical treatment, not behavioral modification and therapy, like BPD.
Links and Information
The Big Picture
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Get Someone into Therapy
Treatment of BPD
Full Clinical Definition
Top 50 Questions

My Child has BPD
My Parent/Sibling has BPD
My Significant Other has BPD
Recovering a Breakup
My Failing Romance
Endorsed Books
Archived Articles

How to Stop Reacting
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools

Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Suicidal Ideation
Domestic Violence
Policy and Disclaimers
Professional Endorsements

Google+ (Professional)

Your Account

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account

Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Up
Jump to:  

Top Spacer
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2017, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!