What do all these abbreviations and terms mean?

[Willow]

What do all these abbreviations and terms mean?

W

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[Skip]

[ragged robin]

I am new to understanding BPD.  I keep seeing "fleas".  What does this mean?

[Skippy]

Those that lie down with dogs, get up with fleas. - Blackfoot Indian Proverb (from a time when dog sleds were used - before horses)

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas. – Benjamin Franklyn

Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas. . – Italian Proverb

----------------------

People learn by imitating others (modeling), by perceiving and interpreting what they see happening to others and by the cumulative experience of trial and error.

When we associate with anyone for an extended basis, we inevitably adopt some of their skills, views, traits, idiosyncrasies, failings. Sharing of each other’s personality is also a sign of good rapport and the ability to connect with someone.

When we live with someone who has a mental illness, we very well may adopt some of the attitudes and behaviors. We may also distance ourselves from certain attitudes and behaviors. An important point is that we adopted these behaviors – they weren't forced us. They are learned traits.  They can be unlearned.

This is also different from exposing a pre-existing condition that we have – sometimes a relationship make us aware of problem we had all along – just didn’t realize it.

This is also different from being “damaged” in a relationship.  If our partner abused us, for example, and we developed PTSD – that is not a “flea” – that’s an injury.

This is why a self inventory is so important… they pathway to recovery is not always the same.

[daughter1124]

FOG?

[csandra]

FOG :  fear, obligation, guilt

[BPDFamily]

Alanon
A Twelve Step program of recovery for those affected by another's drinking

Boundaries
Are when you put your values into action and clarify what is and what is not acceptable to you and act accordingly to defend these values.

Boundaries Tools of Respect
BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence
BOUNDARIES: Case studies

CODA
Codependents Annonymous - A 12 step program for recovery from co-dependency patterns with ourselves and in our relationships

Codependency
Involves putting others needs before your own, excessive people pleasing, poor boundaries, martydom, and control issues.
Are we co-dependent?
Dealing with Enmeshment and Codependence
Co-dependency: When Our Emotional Issues Affect Our True Availability

DBT
Dialectical Bheaviour Therapy
The basic principles behind Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder [New]

DEARMAN
is a communication tool
Describe
Express
Assert
Reinforce
Mindfully
Appear
Negotiate
DEARMAN Technique
Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

DSM
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
What are the new DSM-5.0 criteria for BPD?
Dissociation
The capability or process of separating thoughts, emotions, affects, or experiences from one another either purposely or involuntarily.
BPD BEHAVIORS:Dissociation and Dysphoria

DV
Domestic Violence
Workshop - US: Physically abusive relationships: Are you in one?
TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women
TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Men
Emotional caretaker
According to Kraft Goin MD (University of Southern California), "borderlines need a person who is a constant, continuing, empathic force in their lives; someone who can listen and handle being the target of intense rage and idealization while concurrently defining limits and boundaries with firmness and candor".  To be in this type of relationship, you must accept the role as emotional caretaker - consistently staying above it.  
The Do's and Don't in a BPD Relationship
Enable
Is doing things for someone else that they can and should be doing for themselves.
Are you Supporting or Enabling?
Extinction Burst
The phenomenon of behaviour temporarily getting worse, not better when the reinforcement stops.
Extinction Bursts

FOG
Fear Obligation Guilt
Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG”
Foo

Family Of Origin
Other abbreviations found here
Intermittent reinforcement
Is a reward that only pays off once in a while. B.F. Skinner demonstrated that something that pays off every time does not have as strong an influence as something that only pays off now and then. This explains why we keep trying to win "idealization" from our pwBPD even when confronted with repeated abusive defeats.  During the highs and lows that are often described on this board as the "roller coaster" - the high is, in affect, the intermittent reward.
Why we stay - intermittent rewards and Stockholm Syndrome
Why we stay:Traumatic Bonding,Intermittent Reinforcement,Stockholm Syndrome

JADE
To JADE is to
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain
Karpman triangle
The Karpman Triangle, described by Stephen Karpman is a very useful tool for understanding "stuck" relationship dynamics. The roles are Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer. We may start in one position, but as another (or others) shift around the triangle, so do we.
Karpmen Triangle

LC
Limited Contact
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is “allowing” experiences rather than suppressing or avoiding them. It is the intentional process of observing, describing, and participating in reality non-judgmentally, in the moment, and with effectiveness
TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind
TOOLS: DBT for Non Borderlines- Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness--how do you do it?
NC
No Contact
Non
The person in relationship with a pwBPD
Painting black (see Splitting)
Personal values
Beliefs, values, and philosophies that we hold about life, its purpose, and our own purpose.
Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism, operating unconsciously, in which what is emotionally unacceptable in the self is unconsciously rejected and attributed (projected) to others.  Projection is denying one's own unpleasant traits, behaviors, or feelings by attributing them, often in an accusing way,  to someone else.
BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

Push/Pull
The relationship dance where we push away or pull towards each other.
PERSPECTIVES: From Idealization to Devaluation: Why we struggle

pwBPD
Person With Borderline Personality Disorder
Radical acceptance
Radical acceptance was developed by Marsha Linehan, PhD.  from the University of Washington (see article) and is based on the ancient Zen philosophy that each moment is complete by itself, and that the world is perfect as it is. Zen focuses on acceptance, validation, and tolerance instead of change.
Radical Acceptance for family members
Recycling
When we engage in a breakup-makeup cycle
US: "Relationship Recycling" - What is it?
A Run Message
Is when we tell someone to 'run' from the relationship, this is not an appropriate message for those posting on Staying
Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy was developed by Dr. Jeffrey E. Young for use in treatment of personality disorders and chronic Axis I disorders, such as when patients fail to respond or relapse after having been through other therapies (for example, traditional CBT). Schema Therapy is a newer, integrative psychotherapy [1] combining theory and techniques from existing therapies, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, psychoanalytic object relations, Attachment Theory, and Gestalt therapy.

SET
is a communication tool.
Support
Empathy
Truth
TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth
How To Manage a BPD Relationship/Reducing Anger Using SET
Communication Overview]
Splitting
Splitting refers to a primitive defense mechanism characterized by a polarization of good feelings and bad feelings, of love and hate, of attachment and rejection. We often talk of being painted black or painted white by our pwBPD.
BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

T
Therapy or Therapist
Theraputic separation
In a therapeutic separation, the couple agrees to the terms of the separation, with the guidance and counsel of the therapist. Both are engaged in ongoing therapy and there may be occasion for individual work as well. In these separations, dating becomes the means of contact with each other, and contact is reduced to a minimal level so that each can gain a glimpse of what it would be like to live without the partner and experience the most positive aspect of being together. There are mutual rules established around the terms of the separation, these include and are not limited to such choices as monogamy, dating others, privacy, finance, how to deal with work, family and friends, and if relevant the care of children. The time frame is 3-6 months, anything longer tends to increase the possibility of moving too far apart to come back together, and anything shorter tends to be too quick to actually fully benefit from the time apart.  From Therapeutic Separation for Couples By Margy Davis-Mintun, LCSW, ACSW
Therapeutic Separation
Timeout
Stepping back and giving yourself some time and space from your pwBPD
How to take a time out
Triangulation
When two people are in some conflict and one enlists or aligns with a third party to support their position.  Triangulation, as coined by Murray Bowen MD is the “process whereby a two-party relationship that is experiencing great intensity will naturally involve a third party to reduce anxiety” (Bobes & Rothman, 2002).
This unhealthy dynamic commonly happens in family, close friendship, or organizations.  Who or what is right is determined more by the pairing than the issues.
The concept was originated by Bowen in his study of family systems: www.thebowencenter.org/pages/concepttri.html
Trigger
Having non-constructive reactions to specific words or actions based on prior experiences.  We've all been there - resentment, pessimism, defensiveness, impatience, closed mindedness, distrusting, intolerance, confrontational, defeated
Validation
Is listening with empathy to another's point of view, their feelings or their experience. It involves giving your full attention, and listening to both the feelings and the needs being expressed, and trying to understand by putting yourself in another's shoes.
Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it
TOOLS: Stop Invalidating Your Partner (or the BPD person in your life)

Venting
The expression of intense thoughts and feelings.
US: Venting - is it healthy or unhealthy?
Wisemind
Attempts to synthesize and compromise between the logical mind and the emotional mind. Uses deepest aspirations to determine the best course.
Triggering and Mindfulness and Wise Mind

[Randi Kreger]

BTW, in my new (third) book I am using the term "secondary non-BPs to describe step parents.Secondary nons are not the people who "care about someone with BPD."  They get all the pain but none of the benefits of ever having a positive relationship with a person with BPD. This is different since the rest of the nons do--or did--love the BP at some point.So in a way it's more difficult because a secondary non has very little to NO control over the situation. If you're a stepparent, for example,  you can make your opinion known to your partner, but the partner makes the decisions.

[Mr. M]

I like the term "collateral non", too.   As a non, dealing with a BP is like having to deal with a proverbial grenade rolled into your tent.  Often time, there is collateral damage.

[CharlyB]

A funny story about acronyms.
Someone on another message board asked what DH meant.
The response was ":)ear Husband".
Her reply... ."Oh, I thought it meant DickHead". 

AAT - And another thing
AFAIK - As far as I know
ATTN - Attention
BDINI - Big deal I'm not impressed
BG - Big grin
BEG - Big evil grin
BRB - Be right back ( Used primarily in online chats)
BTDT - Been there, done that
BTW - By the way
CU -- See you
CUL (CUL8R) - See you later
DGMW - Don't get me wrong
DGMS - Don't get me started
EOM - End of message/no comments ( when used in a subject line, it means that the message contains no text: The poster said it all in their subject line.)
FAQ - Frequently asked questions
FF - Fast forward
FWIW - For what it's worth
FYA - For your amusement
FYI - For your information
GAL! - Get a life!
GMAB - Give me a break
GMTA - Great minds think alike
GR& - Grinning, running, and ducking
HHOK - Ha ha, only kidding
HTD - Had to disagree
HTA - Have to agree
HTH - Hope this helps
IAC - In any case
ICAM - I couldn't agree more
ICHSIB - I couldn't have said it better
ID - I disagree
IDTS - I don't think so
IIRC - If I recall correctly
IMAO - In my arrogant opinion
IME - In my experience
IMHO - In my humble opinion
IMNSHO - In my not so humble opinion
IMO - In my opinion
IOW - In other words
IRL - In real life
IRT - In real time
ISC I stand corrected
ISP - Internet service provider
ITA! - I totally agree!
JAT - Just a thought
JK - Just kidding
JMHO - Just my humble opinion
LMJA - Let me just add
JMO - Just my opinion
LBAY - Laughing back at you
LMAO - Laughing my ass off
LOL - Lots of laughs or laughing out loud
LOLBAY - Laughing out loud back at you
MMHA - My most humble opinion
MMHA2U - My most humble apologies to you
NBIF - No basis in fact
NBIR - No basis in reality
NRN - No response necessary
OIC - "Oh, I see"
OMG - Oh, my goodness or Oh my God
OTOH - On the other hand
PMFJI  - Pardon me for jumping in
PMJI - Pardon my jumping in
POV - Point of view
RL - Real life
ROAR! - Just like ROLF (Laughing as loud as a lion)
ROFL - Rolling on the floor Laughing or ROTFL
ROFLMAO(ROTFLMAO) - Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off
ROFLMHO - Rolling on floor laughing my head off
ROTFLMAOPMP - Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off peeing my pants
RSN - Real soon now
SORAS - Soap opera rapid aging syndrome
STS - Sorry to say
TAF - That's all folks
TAN - Tangent - it means that the message is going to be off-subject
TFI - The fact is
TFM - Thanks from me
TFMT - Thanks from me, too
TIA - Thanks in advance
TIC - Tongue in cheek
TIC - (alternate meaning) The idiot(s) in charge
TIG! - That is great!
TIIC - The idiots in charge
TPTB - The powers that be
TTFN - Ta Ta for now
TYVM - Thank you very much
VBEG - Very big evil grin
VWP  - Very well put
WAGS - What a great story
WP - Well put

[elphaba]

The abbreviation key is great, that seems to be one of the questions that comes up frequently.

Projection- When the BPD starts attributing their own acknowledged/unacknowledged feelings to others, making the non believe those issues belong to the non and not the BPD themselves.  They project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc. on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. BPD starts accusing you of what he is THINKING, DOING OR PLANNING. It is very hurtful to us when they project their thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and impulses and pathololgize the people they target

Mirroring/'introjection'.- An abuser will mirror every good quality you possess. He will adopt your likes and dislikes, choices, admire you, and mimic your characteristics.  This is how they appear to be our 'soulmate' in the early 'idealization of us' stage of the relationship. When they are 'introjecting' or mirroring, they assimilate our plans, philosophies, dreams and goals. They can mimic our words and ideas. We feel like we've met someone perfect. It never lasts. The real person, unfortunately is not the P who was so like us, the real person is the cruel disordered P who eventually emerges.


My brain is fried right now, I will continue to think of things and will add them... .

[AJMahari]

A funny story about acronyms.

Someone on another message board asked what DH meant.

The response was ":)ear Husband".

Her reply... .

"Oh, I thought it meant DickHead". 

Lol, that is funny

There are so many though, aren't there? It's likely getting harder for everyone to recognize each one all the time or as new ones pop up. If I think of anything to add I'll post it but hey what an impressive and extensive list you already have defined here. Great stuff.

[MGMom]

The glossary key is great.  When I first came to this site, I would get so confused trying to figure out what all the terms meant. 

The most inspiring thing for me, though, is I did not realize some of these behaviors actually had names.  The gaslighting post that Elphaba wrote was a real eye opener.  My husband, the non, used to use that all the time to try to hide or deflect the craziness in his family.  It was so frustrating to me. 

PS.  Just a funny:  When I first found message boards, I thought LOL meant Lots of Love.  I thought, " Well, aren't these just the sweetest folks."  Took me a while to figure it out. LOL

[Skip]

These definitions are courtesy of New York Presbyterian Hospital in New York

Acting Out: Expressing unconscious emotional conflicts or feelings, often of hostility or love, through overt behavior, thus bypassing conscious awareness and experience of feeling.

Boundaries: In borderline personality disorder patients, the concept of boundaries involves a sense of respect for another person's personal space. Since BPD patients often have difficulty with this, treatment often involves setting limits to teach and underline boundaries.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: A type of psychotherapy in which the therapist teaches the patient to restructure his or her cognitive beliefs, (i.e. thought patterns) and hence, behavior.

Co-morbidity: The presence of coexisting or additional diseases with reference to an initial diagnosis. Comorbidity may affect the ability of affected individuals to function and also their survival; it may be used as a prognostic indicator for length of hospital stay, cost factors, and outcome or survival.

Co-occurring Disorders: Disorders that commonly coincide with a certain condition. An example is bulimia as a co-occurring disorder of borderline personality disorder.

Countertransference: The therapist's emotional response to the transference (see Transference). At times, negative countertransference may cause limitations and interfere with the patient's treatment.

Cutting: A common practice among borderlines to self-injure by cutting their skin with knives or other sharp objects.

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM): A publication put out by the American Psychiatric Association that classifies and defines different psychiatric diagnoses and lists the criteria for them.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): A form of cognitive-behavioral therapy for BPD patients that teaches them skills to reverse their negative thoughts and behaviors. It emphasizes balance between acceptance and change in helping clients with serious psychiatric symptoms, in order to relieve those symptoms and improve the quality of life.

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT): Electrically induced seizures primarily used in the treatment of severe affective disorders, depression and schizophrenia

Impulse Control Disorders: Disorders that affect a person's judgment or ability to control strong and often harmful impulses, such as verbal or physical violence, substance abuse, eating behavior and sexual promiscuity.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A personality disorder characterized by excessive feelings of self-importance and entitlement, a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy. These qualities are usually defenses against a deep-seeded feeling of inferiority or of being un-loveable.

Neurotransmitters: Brain chemicals that communicate between nerve cells, and are thought to be largely responsible for a person's feelings, emotions, actions and behavior.

Object Relations: In the behavioral sciences, a school of thought that emphasizes the importance of mental representation of the self and of others. In this theory, an individual's perception of external reality is largely directed by the unconscious internal representation of self an others. This theory proposes that individuals with BPD respond to internal representations that do not adequately match the real people the individual is dealing with. This could explain, for example, why a BPD patient may be convinced that another person is abandoning them when that is not the case.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder: A personality disorder characterized by recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images experienced as intrusive and distressing. Recognized as being excessive and unreasonable even though it is the product of one's mind. These thoughts, impulses, or images cannot be expunged by logic or reasoning

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: A diagnosis based on symptoms of fear, terror, helplessness, avoidance of stimuli associated with past trauma, emotional numbing, sleep problems, irritability, hypervigilance, depression, anxiety, and poor concentration. This diagnosis is made when these symptoms follow the experience of a traumatic event.

Projection: A defense mechanism, operating unconsciously, in which what is emotionally unacceptable in the self is unconsciously rejected and attributed (projected) to others, often the treating therapist.

Psychosis: A severe mental disorder characterized by loss of contact with reality and causing deterioration of normal social functioning.

Splitting: A mental mechanism in which the self or others are reviewed as all good or all bad, with failure to integrate the positive and negative qualities of self and others into cohesive images. Often the person alternately idealizes and devalues the same person. From a psychoanalytic point of view, splitting is fundamental to borderline personality disorder, and underlies the dramatic shifts in the person's experience of self and others and their difficulty in finding a stable adaptation to life.

Supportive Psychotherapy: A form of psychotherapy in which consistency, support from others and a hopeful attitude are used to contain and sustain the patient through crisis periods, and encourage small gains over time.

Transference: The unconscious assignment to others of feelings and attitudes that were originally associated with important figures (parents, siblings, etc.) in one's early life. The transference may or may not be a distortion of what actually occurred in early life, since it is based on early experiences as perceived by the developing mind. The psychiatrist utilizes this phenomenon as a therapeutic tool to help the patient understand emotional problems and their origins. In the patient-physician relationship, the transference may be negative (hostile) or positive (affectionate). In BPD, the transference often alternates between negative and positive.



Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP): A specialized version of psychodynamic psychotherapy including an emphasis on certain aspects of psychoanalytic theory and modifications of some techniques of psychodynamic therapy in order to adequately address the special problems of borderline patients. Its roots are in the object relations model and the ensuing emphasis on transference as the key to understanding and change in the patient, since it is believed that the patient's internal world of object representations unfolds and is “lived” in the transference.

[peacebaby]

Thank god I finally found the acronym explanations! I was starting to lose my mind! Just told my partner that she's my dBPDso, and she says she wants that on a T-shirt in the fuzzy letters. 

peacebaby

[Murphy]

aahhh!  Hadn't found that.  Thanks Skip!

[peacebaby]

I talk with my DBPDSO about this board, and as a person with BPD she is not nuts about how we refer to people as BPDs "borderline personality disorders" instead of, say, *people* with borderline personality disorder. She has actually coined pwBPD like PWA for people with AIDS. She's actually mostly kidding with this, the whole riff on people with disabilities wanting new names, but at the same time, she has a point. I hate when people say "gays" or "blacks" instead of "gay people" or "black people". 

Just wanted to share. My pwPBD hopes that others will be amused.  >:D

Peacebaby

[PDQuick]

GAL? Ive never figured that one out.

[Skip]

I talk with my DBPDSO about this board, and as a person with BPD she is not nuts about how we refer to people as BPDs "borderline personality disorders" instead of, say, *people* with borderline personality disorder... .

Borderline Personality Disorder is such a long word, we end up with all types of shortcuts - 29 letters!.

Nonetheless, I think a lot of us can appreciate what your SO is saying.  

The problem is pretty much resolved if the acronym is completed.  dBPDh means diagnosed BPD husband..  But even at that, it's 5 letters.

Many shorten it to BP (borderline person) when it repeats in a thread.

Thanks for raising this awareness.

Skippy

PS: A guardian ad litem, or G.A.L., is a spokesperson for a minor child or incompetent spouse for the duration of a case.

[Stepmom04]

GAL? Ive never figured that one out.

Guardian Ad Litem - attorney appointed to represent the bests interests of a child involved in litigation 

Sm04

oops, sorry Skip, didn't catch the bottom of your post until after I posted

[brotherofbp]

living with a BP is old hat for me (all my life, almost), but I'm new to some of the terms used on this site.  What's "Waif" mode?  I gather it's a BPD behavior pattern, but what, exactly, is the term referring to?

[Skip]

Good question 

In her book, Understanding The Borderline Mother, Christine Lawson PhD describes four role types. The Queen is controlling, the Witch is sadistic, the Hermit is fearful, and the Waif is helpless.  see workshop  see book review

[lois]

What does FOO mean?  I've looked, but I can't find it anywhere either.  Thanks!

[PDQuick]

FOO= Family of Origin, meaning your parents and siblings.

[theotherside]

Hi, what does IDK mean? Thanks

[Chili]

I Don't Know.

[Steph]

Is it perhaps INTP? which means

Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving, a Myers-Briggs personality type?

Steph

[Itza]

How would we be able to differentiate between sister-in-law and son-in-law if the abbreviations are both SIL?

[JoannaK]

Itza, I think it is just the context... .   If people have a situation involving both a son-in-law and a sister-lin-law, hopefully that poster will differentiate.  These aren't ordained abbreviations; they are just those that people commonly use, Itza.  Thanks for the good question.

[xyzzy]

Question regarded "diagnosed" when reading posts. I'm a little confused as to how to take the usage of that term. Generally speaking, is diagnosed anticipated to be used only when the BP partner has received a formal diagnosis or is also used when one party has been told that the others behavior is most-likely to be? And so on.