I have near lost my mind with it too!
It is so hard when you are the main carer and yet you trigger them the most! I imagine we have all been there its just awful.
Please try not to let it define your self esteem, it is just them projecting their terrible pain onto you, they don't even understand it themselves, it feels real to them at the time that is how they convince others that we are the ones to blame (Ive been through all those smear campaigns too!) they honestly think it is true ie 'Im hurting, there must be a reason, it must be mum's fault as I don't feel happy and secure' sort of thing.
Once they can accept they have a disorder that distorts their perceptions they can begin to grasp that they do not have to attach blaming us to the fact they are hurting, it takes a very long time for them and us to unravel all these feelings that they have been associating with us (and/or others!) and just accept the pain comes from within their disordered mind instead.
We must not absorb the words they say as they are not based on reality, we must comfort the frightened person behind the cutting words as best we can and hope one day the remission will come and they know we were there for them!
My daughter mainly likes and trusts me now, she knows I was there for her no matter what she threw at me! Its nowhere near over but its improving!