Is it really BPD? Could it be multiple comorbid personality disorders?

[Peridot]

I believe it is possible, but then I am just a lay person, not a pro. It seems there is so much at work with my foo - not just bpd, and even beyond other pd.
 
Related to this, my rheumatologist once made a comment that stuck with me. He was going over my family medical history to try to grasp where my conditions may have come from. In discussing some things, he said it wasn't uncommon in the old days (or even now I suppose) for people to self medicate to deal with their pain. So he suspects that many alcoholics became alcoholics simply because they couldn't deal with some other pain condition / illness in their life. It makes a person really think. Alcoholism gallops in my family. (I'm a tea totaller.) Since then I have considered what other things might have turned my various past and present relatives to drinking ... and I've thought a lot about mental and physical pain they were trying to drink away. What I'm getting at is that I don't think it is easy to always identify what all is going on with any one person.

Not sure if that is helpful or not.

Speaking of hoarding, there was a news story about a woman being arrested for neglect of her animals. She was a hoarder.  I bet she's really a mentally ill woman who thought she was saving those animals before it went all kinds of wrong. It wouldn't seem to me that arrest is of any benefit to anyone involved. I mean, what sort of help for mental illness is that? She'd be better off being required to be treated for her issues - and have the animals taken to safety and adoption in better homes.

I dunno. Complicated issue really - all of this. But getting back to the point, yes, I believe other illnesses can be involved in those with pd's.

[BlueCat]

and I've thought a lot about mental and physical pain they were trying to drink away. What I'm getting at is that I don't think it is easy to always identify what all is going on with any one person.

I see that in my family. I don't know where it started, but going back at least 3 generations we have abusive parents who raise children who grow up to be abusive parents. And the alcohol abuse/alcoholism is part of them trying to make the pain go away.

[BlueCat]

I dealt with depression and anxiety and for me it was mostly the anxiety.

When I was at my worst my house got pretty bad (happy to say not close to what I grew up in, but pretty bad). It was definitely anxiety. I'd try to clean and get overwhelmed by it all and not know where to start. Or I'd pick up an object and then get anxious over whether I should give it away or keep it, and if I keep it, where do I keep it?

Getting on thyroid meds helped that a lot, and then getting on anti depressants helped even more. I will never be a neat freak, but my house is comfortably lived in and I'm usually happy with the state it's in (and when I'm not, I actually do something about it).

Thyroid meds and then SSRIs have made such a difference for me, I can't stop myself from thinking that maybe my mom would be a different person if she got on them. She's had a goiter (an enlarged thyroid) for years and her doctor ignored it so she's not on anything for it. And if anyone could use meds for anxiety it's my mom. But of course she tells me she doesn't need meds. She's fine . . .

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[GP44]

Unless you know for a fact that they have been officially diagnosed by a mental health professional, it's speculation and conjecture to say that they have a personality disorder.

But I will say that you didn't end up on this board by accident.

You still witnessed bad behavior and were traumatized by your ex's actions. If it turns out that your ex doesn't have BPD but his behavior is cruel, does that change anything? Does that lack of a BPD diagnosis suddenly make him a healthy candidate for a stable, mature relationship?

I find that the need to "prove" that my ex has BPD is not so important. I told the story of my ex to a lot of people, and some said "You need to go check out bpdfamily.com" and others said "I don't think BPD is the answer here, but I can tell you that something was amiss inside of her to do what she did."

So to me it is the behavior that is important and the label not so much. What I can tell you is that the feelings I have had, and the journey that I am on, I have seen others here with the same feelings, the same questions, and they are on the same journey that I am.

So whether my ex was BPD or not, I feel like I belong here.

I've had relationships end before, and had women behave in inconsiderate fashion towards me before when it came to romance, but I never felt the need to seek out answers like this and I've never felt so traumatized. When my ex-ex and I broke up, I never felt like something was wrong with her or that she might be psychologically unwell. I read somewhere that it is normal to continually need reassurance that it was them and not us, that what you went through was not "normal." If you get involved with somebody that is not well, it is going to have an impact on your mental health and I think this questioning, the Whys when it comes to what they did and the reasoning behind it, as well as questioning whether or not they were sick, is normal. Your brain is trying to process and make sense of something that doesn't make any sense.

Is it typical for a Cluster B/borderline to abruptly spring a breakup on you when things are going well? Yes. It is typical for them to avoid any responsibility for their actions and evade accountability? Yes. Is it typical for them to carry on in the aftermath as if you don't exist and ignore you as if you are a non-entity? Yes.

[lucnatmar]

One's actions and behaviors are all that really matters, not whether they have an "official" diagnosis of BPD or anything else.

Heck, there are a few experts that question whether BPD even exists and the one's that do acknowledge it, are probably just as likely to not have the appropriate experience to diagnose someone correctly.  In the end, the only thing that matters are the behaviors over a period of time.

All of us are flawed individuals, but when it comes to relationships, I believe two reasonably healthy people can work through issues as long as lines are not crossed and signficant damage is done that can't be reversed.  People with BPD traits cross the line and that is a reality each person exposed to it have to deal with, because it isn't going away.

[runninggal81]

From the time I read about BPD after my breakup, I knew that my ex was indeed personality-disordered (he even mentioned that he had been diagnosed with a PD). He exhibited all 9 of the DSM characteristics to varying degrees of severity. I had read about BPD before, in the context of a friend who committed suicide about 5 years before I met my ex.

Whether or not you'll ever learn about a diagnosis is irrelevant. Questioning ourselves on the severity of our loved one's problems is how a lot of us got really deep into destructive relationships.

[lucnatmar]

"What I still can't understand is how they get such a strong hold on you.  What makes me want to be with crazy so bad?  I really don't get it."

There is a psychological term for this, but it escapes me at the moment.

It is quite common, for those exposed to abusive relationships (whether physical or emotional) to feel like they are helpless to get out and the abuser has a hold on them.  Believe it or not, this is the norm, for people who go through this and it happened to me as well.

Eventually, the line is crossed once to often and the victim of the behavior breaks out of the chains.  Others will ask you; why did you stay in that relationship for that long?  Well, we all wish it was that easy, don't we.

[lucnatmar]

The term I was looking for is; "Operant Conditioning"

[chaann]

I think it is always best to leave it to a professional to do a diagnosis as serious as BPD(or ANY other PD/mental illness).

From my personal experience and from what I have read, there is indeed a high risk of comorbidity between BPD and other mental disorders.  In my personal situation, my dBPsil was first diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and OCD years ago (early 20's). (in fact, it is when I got more information about these disorders that I kept bumping in BPD as being often co-morbid with these 2 and started to suspect that she had that as well). Now in her 30's her BPD came to take over all of our lives and she finally got the official diagnostic of BPD after spending 5 weeks in an external clinic (at a mental health institution).  Fortunately, she checked in at the hospital by herself (she was suicidal) and she is willing to get help. She is now in a treatment program (external clinic, but full time) that should last a minimum of 2 years. 

All that to say that a "full" diagnostic by a mental health professional is preferable in order for them to get the much needed help they need.  My dBPsil said that all these years she felt that there was more to it then the anorexia and OCD and that she now feels relieved to finally know what is wrong with her... She has got her work cut out in front of her and so do we, but at least we now know what we are dealing with...

[flatspin]

Something I read online. The most co morbid diagnosis with BPD's is eating disorders. How many of you folks here on this message board know if your ex BPD has an eating disorder. Mine does. In fact she has had it ever since she was in her 20's and she is now 49 yrs old. She was able to keep it from me for 8 years by staying up later than me, binging, then she would go and vomit. Once in awhile I would hear her vomit and she would say that something did not agree with her. I took it at face value, being the naive trusting person that I am.

Dear jalk,

My wife does too. The more she's stressing, the more she eats. Later, she'll spend entire days starving so she doesn't gain weight... It's like a cycle.

[flatspin]

Fascinating topic. I know that research has linked ADD/ADHD in girls to BPD. I wouldn't be surprised if clinical depression, bipolar and other genetically inherited mental health problems can lead to BPD. It makes sense if you think about it. My mom and I both have ADD, and she has BPD as well. ADD can cause a lot of problems; drifting off when people are talking to you, feeling slow in school, not being able to focus on social interactions and behave appropriately; these make developing healthy relationships that much harder and I believe have contributed to my mom's feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing, and ultimately her BPD. Luckily for me, I was able to get into treatment at a young age and was spared the potential of developing BPD for myself (phew on that one!).

The interesting thing to me is that while ADD and bipolar are genetic and managed with medication and therapy throughout a person's life, BPD is (supposedly) much more curable IF the person wants to get better. The IF is the big question though...

When my wife was a teen, she was treated for ADD with Strattera. She stopped because it caused her heart problems. I do have ADD too and am taking Concerta LP daily since about 4 years ago.