When I found this topic on FOG, I realized that when it comes to my BPD brother, this is why I can't let go. It's why I can't tell him "No more. I'm not helping you with your business any more, I'm done. I'm not going to let you treat me this way. This is not "You just being you & I have to get used to it." This isn't me having to get use to you walking with a limp; you're telling me to get use to the abuse. You know you have BPD and choose to get no help. You use it as an excuse to treat me the way you do. You manipulate me because you know my FOG. You know it because our mom treated me in some very similar ways that you do, and you just copied it & took it to a new level. You choose to not get help, so I choose to no longer deal with you unless it's as your sister, and if you can treat me in a way that is respectful. If you choose to finally get help I will support you, but it still doesn't change how you need to treat me. You can sit there & think I'm abandoning you, but I'm not. I'm just setting boundaries. But you go ahead & think whatever you want. Just because you have BPD does not give you the key to make me feel horrible & destroy me. I don't deserve that. So it stops, now."
Worse case scenario is that you will kill yourself. "Best case" scenario is that you continue to take tens of thousands of dollars away from our parents yearly, putting a huge stress on our sick father to work longer than he should (he's already 66-1/2), and causing them financial pains/struggles that they shouldn't have to deal with just because they trusted you & loved you. Yes, they continue to enable you and live in denial, but you admit it and continue to use them. I don't want them to suffer because of your actions. I fear that you will not seek help unless you literally hit rock bottom... and I don't know where that is & it terrifies me.
You're my brother. Our mom has her own undiagnosed mental health issues, which makes her unable to be of any help in this situation. You were always her favorite and you two are similar in a lot of ways. She can't say no to you. You use her to get money, but you treat her like dirt. You point out her flaws & make her retreat even further into a mess. Our father knows she's not well, chose to stay with her but detached himself from the family decades ago. He knows you need help but can't even bring himself to talk to you. He knows it will cause issues between him and our mother, and he can't deal with her if she's upset, since he has to live with her every day. So he lets her just keep giving you money and lets you keep using them. Neither of them will do anything. They've given you everything you've wanted your whole life. You're 31 and never been financially on your own. Since I'm the only one who seems to want to live in reality and can clearly see everything that is going on, it's my obligation to help you. Not just for you, but for our parents, because even though they are our parents, they are unable to cope with the idea that you have BPD and it's going to affect all of our lives. How? Because when dad retires and one of them needs health care or more, they won't have the money because they've given it all to you. Which means the financial burden will fall on me, and I don't make enough to take care of them. I can contribute, but not enough to give them the care & support they need. Dad worked himself to death to give us a great life, to improve all of our lives. He deserves to have a great retirement, and should not need to be worrying about money. I am a smart person, I am capable of helping you if you were in the right mindset to take it. So I keep telling myself that I'm obligated to "save the family" by trying to make your business actually a real business with actual work. Because if your business works, then you can stop living off of them and ideally pay back the huge business loan you took from them, and it would also mean I won't be dealing with some huge financial obligation down the road that I can't meet because of all the money they gave to you and will never get back.
Because of our not-in-her-right-mind mother, she enabled you & did everything for you, and you are clueless as to how to be an adult. Dad doesn't know how to be your dad or even communicate with you. So who else do you have? If I pull away, if I stop trying to "help" you, then I'm afraid of what will happen to you. I think that you are actually very smart & talented, and that the only thing standing in the way of you having a decent life is YOU. If I pull away and you end up never being able to do anything with your life, have a relationship, have a decent job... I will feel like I failed you because you were my baby brother. I helped raise you as dad was working and mom was often a mess. If you have a horrible life, I will feel guilty because maybe I should have done more early on when I saw things in you that concerned me. And worse case scenario, I don't think I can ever forgive myself if you were to take your life. You say you've tried before. You say you don't feel suicidal at all now like you did the last few years. But I don't believe you. The way you talk sometimes terrifies me. I don't want to lose my brother. I don't want to feel responsible for your death. How would I even continue to have a relationship with our parents, because part of me would blame them and the other part of me would know they would likely blame me. Everyone always looks to me. Dad's words on Christmas Eve to me, as you were in a rant & out of your mind, was "Fix this." He looked at me with tears in his eyes, Mom standing right there, four of us in the room, and I'm the one told to "Fix this." To fix you. They left me in the room with you for two hours, while I nearly lost my mind & was in horrible physical pain from my own issues, to get you to a place where you were someone we could actually be around. Meanwhile they walked around the neighborhood & enjoyed the outdoors. I feel like this is all on me, so how could I not feel guilty if your life gets worse or you die if I pull away like I know I need to do?