As I reflect on the behavior however I think it was due to my absolute devastation as to what happened and me trying to make sense of it all... Plus I had not gone through something like this prior, no experience to draw from..
I was stuck in "magical" thinking, thinking if I explained things well enough the person I knew would return and talk to me. Then I was stuck in "helping" him, I knew I didn't want a intimate relationship with him anymore, didn't ask for one, but hoped for a friendship of some sort.
I recognise myself in these words by C12P21. I didn't know about BPD behaviours until recently and I only found this site after my relationship with my uBPDex was over. But in this time I've become aware of my own negative behaviours in the relationship - that I was trying to fix my exSO, that if I gave them enough love, a stable home life etc they would settle down. I realise now I justified a lot of negative behaviours away (she was busy, had had an unhappy upbringing, I had more time to run the house than she did, that if I did these things she would be happier, more communicative, on more even keel).
Magical thinking and a big dose of co-dependency from me!
I've also never had a relationship like this before. Someone whose moods can change so quickly or who could be fickle even about our relationship. At our lowest point, my uBPDex said the most horrid things to me when breaking up but not two hours later asked that we try again, that I was the best thing to happen to her. She flat out denied those horrible accusations saying I misconstrued them. To say I was bewildered is an understatement.
Since our breakup we've busted boundaries with inappropriate requests and sought validation too many times. I think the way forward for me is to be mindful of my boundaries and of our behaviours. I'm working on setting appropriate boundaries with her and dealing with my own issues with my T. I'm not as available to her as I once was and building a life that does not revolve around her but still includes her as a friend.