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Poll
Question: Choose all of the fantasies that apply
The other person admits his/her errors and the way he/she has hurt you and makes amends. - 187 (21.5%)
The person suffers because of what was done to you. - 108 (12.4%)
You are able to outperform the person who has hurt you and can rub his/her nose in your superiority. - 54 (6.2%)
Everyone around him sees him or her as you do and rejects him or her. - 95 (10.9%)
You are vindicated. - 91 (10.5%)
You are able to do to the person who hurt you what he or she did to you, or someone else does that to the person. - 35 (4%)
The person will change and regret what he or she did or said. - 185 (21.3%)
Other: please specify in your comment. - 22 (2.5%)
I used to hold one or more fantasies like this, but I have let them go. - 73 (8.4%)
I do not have any fantasies like this. - 19 (2.2%)
Total Voters: 302

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Author Topic: POLL: Are you holding on to fantasies about someone who has hurt you?  (Read 13421 times)
Iwalk-Heruns
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« Reply #80 on: October 24, 2013, 03:29:19 PM »

I answered yes to 90 % of questions. For me 3 months out they are just passing thoughts now. However, I do not actively try to think about them they all of a sudden come to my consciousness.   out of nowhere. I think it is natural and part of the healing process not hindering it. I believe there is an innate need for justice in all of us when we are severely wronged. To deny ourselves those thoughts is just repression. Acting on them or going on for prolonged periods of time is not healthy but are natural in the beginning. They were at a 5 in the beginning and are slowly subsiding and now are at a 1 as a passing thought.
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maxen
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« Reply #81 on: November 14, 2013, 12:57:27 PM »

Quote
The other person admits his/her errors and the way he/she has hurt you and makes amends.
this one is very strong. i was raised by a paranoiac parent, who had to be right about everything and if there was nothing wrong would make things up and then assert, in quite abusive tones, that she was right about her opinions about these fantasies. evidence would only make her backpedal, and her trump card was to say that there must be something wrong with me if i was upset. this from the time of my earliest memories. i still cannot, to this day, understand that a person may not be able to say "i see what i did and i'm sorry."

Quote
Everyone around him sees him or her as you do and rejects him or her.
my w was only able to bolt because she received counsel and opportunity to do so and the only way that could have happened is if she lied about the texture of our marriage. truth for her, a BPD, but lying by any objective standard of measure. i want to the point of craving for the others she has involved in this to know the score. but they won't.
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Gidget
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« Reply #82 on: December 17, 2013, 04:34:28 AM »

That my daughter will have a revelation of all the was she has hurt me see her distortions admit her lies and make amends. I am seeing more clearly now they are all very real to her and have began to expect them less
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