She came round last night like nothing whatsoever had happened

[Coastered]

Well it did not take that long.

She came round last night like nothing whatsoever had happened, like the voicemail was not left and the verbal abuse never occurred.  She was like 'her other self' the woman who I fell in love with.  She was happy, not stressed and seemed full of life.  I did not sleep with her or make any romantic gestures and she went home happy enough.  She asked to watch a movie with me later today and that would probably involve stopping over tonight.

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop though of course, how do I manage someone who is so full of anger?  Someone who will not take accountability for her own actions?  Someone who will blame shift, have a do as I say, not as I do mentality.  Someone who can love me one moment and hate me with pure vitriol the next.  Someone who can withhold emotion when I have apparently done her wrong (I would never knowingly hurt this woman).

I deeply love this woman but I do need help managing her.  How would you even approach asking her to seek help?  She has accused me of having BPD or Narcissistic traits which is projecting but she really does not take ANY criticism well (at all).  She has told me how narcissistic her ex husband was and how her other relationships have been in turmoil with, in one case, her being threatened with a gun by her first husband.

How do I react?  I know a bit about JADE but really do need help managing my own expectations and what to say (or not to say).

Thanks everyone.  This really does help me, this thread is like a diary for me in a way... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Enabler]

I think the key here is that there is no effective way to "manage" her. You can try and be an emotional caretaker for her but really there's minimal guarantee's that this will result in a meaningful long last relationship with her. You can manage yourself though, you're going to have to get comfortable standing in the middle of a tornado, cool as a cucumber... .like ice cold cool... .and not react, not take anything personally, not react to any of her insults and walk away with your mental health intact.

Can you do that?

[Navysndfirey]

I truly hated the push/pull it was almost like clock work in the end every 5 weeks. She would loose it at me then 5-8 days later when I have made some kind of contact she is back speaking to me. It became a sick mental joke on me

[pearlsw]

Hi Coastered,

How are things going?

Wanted to follow up on a few of the previous post by sharing these readings:

Supporting Your BPD Partner
Behaviors: How it Feels to Have BPD
Being An Emotional Caregiver

It helps a lot to read and review this material regularly to keep your own thoughts and goals focused.

It is extremely important that you keep your own emotions under control so when these storms hit you are not as thrown off balance. It is by no means easy, but it can get better!

Oh yes, you are not alone! Many people here have similar experiences and it is quite a relief to be understood and supported, especially when many of the people in our regular lives cannot see or comprehend what we are experiencing.

wishing you the best, pearl.