14 yr. old adopted daughter. I’m exhausted with the abuse I suffer from her.

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am mother to a near 14yr old daughter, adopted at birth. I suspect many of you have similar experiences. We knew something was not quite right at age 3 when the rages began. Problems with authority, often getting told not to bring her back to camp, daycare, etc. ODD was next dx at age 4 followed by ADHD at 8. By 12, had first depressive episode and anxiety/OCD began. She has recently been on abilify but stopping bc of weight gain and now starting Lamictal. Her doctor tells us she likely has BPD but too early to dx. Treating SS mood disorder NOS. I’m exhausted with the abuse I suffer from her. Demands things her way, favors, money but then is rude and verbally abusive when doesn’t get her way. She has this way of treating others outrageously bad then expecting us to forgive her with no apology. When we stand up for ourselves, she threatens us with running away or not going to school. She never seems to show concern about anyone not loving her or fear of abandonment but she also won’t discuss feelings. I’m lost on how to help her. And frankly very angry at how disruptive she is to our whole family. She refuses counseling. She blames everyone else and has no clue how the rest of us see her behavior. As you can imagine, she has hardly no friends and loses the ones she does make eventually when she turns her anger on them.

[Tryingeveryday]

I am mother to a near 14yr old daughter, adopted at birth. I suspect many of you have similar experiences. We knew something was not quite right at age 3 when the rages began. Problems with authority, often getting told not to bring her back to camp, daycare, etc. ODD was next dx at age 4 followed by ADHD at 8. By 12, had first depressive episode and anxiety/OCD began. She has recently been on abilify but stopping bc of weight gain and now starting Lamictal. Her doctor tells us she likely has BPD but too early to dx. Treating SS mood disorder NOS. I’m exhausted with the abuse I suffer from her. Demands things her way, favors, money but then is rude and verbally abusive when doesn’t get her way. She has this way of treating others outrageously bad then expecting us to forgive her with no apology. When we stand up for ourselves, she threatens us with running away or not going to school. She never seems to show concern about anyone not loving her or fear of abandonment but she also won’t discuss feelings. I’m lost on how to help her. And frankly very angry at how disruptive she is to our whole family. She refuses counseling. She blames everyone else and has no clue how the rest of us see her behavior. As you can imagine, she has hardly no friends and loses the ones she does make eventually when she turns her anger on them.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Tryingeveryday. Welcome to the group. I am glad to meet you and sorry for what brings you here. We all get it. Life with a child with BPD is hard. The good news is things can get better. We can learn communication skills that help us improve our relationship with them. One skill that may help you in your situation is SET. This means support, empathy, truth. SET helps us meet our very sensitive children's emotional needs while still communicating what we need to communicate such as reality and limits. I find it works well with my son.Here is some information about it. SET