ADD/ADHD Symptoms and Borderline Parent

[Shelle]

Does anyone know if there has been any research on BP parents causing their child to have ADD-like symptoms?  In my case, I'm not sure if I have ADD, or that my mom has stunted me emotionally, or both.

[HappyChappy]

I'd love to know also. My son has ADHD and mom BPD. The main symptom of ADHD is realy poor consentration an inablity to sit still and impulsive behavior. Emotions such as empathy are developed more slowly in a child, but I'm not sure that would show in adulthood.

[jdtm]

I don't know about ADD or ADHD being genetically wired to BPD (sounds kind of farfetched to me) but I do believe that children of a parent with BPD will suffer from severe anxiety.  Severe anxiety does mimic the behaviours of ADD/ADHD.  I also believe that severe anxiety "stunts" the development of compassion, empathy and loving concern for others (as well as the ability to learn in school).

Our granddaughter suffered from severe anxiety in her childhood.  When she left home, a lot of the anxiety "lifted", and at this time, the compassion, empathy and concern for others started to develop.  She also was able to discontinue her medication for anxiety.  Honestly, the best thing for our granddaughter was when she "left" her home - not really a home, more a "house of horrors".

Again - this is just what I have observed and feel to be true.  Frankly, BPD and children just do not mix - IMHO.

[Shelle]

To answer jdtm, I can see why it seems far-fetched on the surface.  Having been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) as a child, and still having the symptoms as an adult, I've done a heap of my own research. 

Although the disorder itself is congenital and relatively common for a mental disorder, the level of extremity in which it manifests for the individual partially depends on the environment.  I have two reasons for hypothesizing that a parent with BPD is more likely to have an ADHD child.

1. Both disorders are partially characterized underdeveloped ability to control one's emotions. The way we feel and manage our emotions is the determiner of almost every part of our psyche, including attention span.

2.  When a child grows up in a hostile environment, he-she may learn to stifle his-her emotions, which may be a good coping strategy at the time, but is not efficient for success in school or in the workplace.

[jdtm]

Shelle - I see what you are saying - that ADD/ADHD is resultant from living in conditions of extreme anxiety.  I don't think so - I believe that ADD/ADHD is a genetic component and would be present from birth.  Whether or not a person with a personality disorder has a propensity toward giving birth to a child with ADD/ADHD, I don't know.

When in the primary grades in school, our granddaughter was thought to be ADHD.  Her behaviour would certainly indicate that.  However, I always believed that she was energetic and "busy"; but not ADHD.  Those with ADD/ADHD tend to be overactive "without a purpose"; our granddaughter always had a purpose (her mind was so quick).  When removed from the BPD environment after 18 years  (it took about a year) but those behaviours started to diminish.  Also, her mental, emotional and spiritual aspects began to grow - absolutely, she was "stunted" in these areas - so immature.  It was as though her mental and emotional development stopped when she turned five (not only did she endure BPD at home but was silent through extreme anxiety at school for many years - called selective mutism).  In other words, her day was spent unable to speak at school and then surrounded by total discomfort and unpredictability at home.  She had no place of refuge.  Even when she visited our home, it took days before she began to be "the real her" and then, back to the life of hell in extreme anxiety.  I used to lament "where is our granddaughter" - we lost her for over a dozen years ... .


Last year that changed.  Intense therapy and removal from the BPD environment is giving us our granddaughter "back".  It is a work in process.  Again, I have no research - but I do believe that a person can revert back to "what was born" - getting rid of those BPD fleas and distorted anxiety-caused thinking with time and therapy and kindness to oneself.  She is becoming "the real her" again.

So I believe what you are really asking is "do I have ADD" and "will I be emotionally stunted for life".  And, from the experience we have observed with our granddaughter, it is possible the answers are "no" and "no".

Anyway - this is just one opinion and what I have observed ... .

[gentlestguardian]

I know I don't have ADD, but I do have a hard time staying on task when doing things I don't want to do. I think part of it is poor self-discipline. Since my BPDm never set any parameters for my work/play balance when I was a child, I never really developed the self-discipline to finish a task I didn't want to do before moving on to something I did want to do. As a result, when I'm tasked with doing something at work that I find less than thrilling, well frankly Ijustdon'twanna! I find other more entertaining things to do instead until I have no choice but to meet my deadline. Classic procrastination .

There's a second component to it too though, beyond the procrastination. Adult survivors of BPD parents (and really any emotionally neglectful parents) tend to grow up with the feeling of a void in them. We try to fill the void with all sorts of things; typical examples include working too much, sexual exploits, drugs, alcohol, etc. I try to fill my void with mental stimulation. Working on one task is not enough stimulation to fill the void so I look for other things to do simultaneously, like browse the web, read blogs, read the news, work on a second assignment, etc. I switch between browser windows and Word documents like no other. Looks a lot like ADD, right? Now that I'm aware that that's what I'm doing when I try to work on 5 million things at once, I have to be very stern with myself and force myself to focus on the task at hand. It's fairly excruciating, but I've found I do not lack the ability to focus and focus hard when I really make myself.

[jdtm]

Adult survivors of BPD parents (and really any emotionally neglectful parents) tend to grow up with the feeling of a void in them. We try to fill the void with all sorts of things;

Wow - super insightful ... .  This definitely was/is part of our granddaughter's (or lack thereof) emotional development.  Thanks ... .