Where do I start?

C and I have been married for about a year and a half. I moved out last month and I could finally see more of what has been happening. I will say this upfront to avoid basic starting advice on how to manage our Mental Health issues.

I won't psycho-analyze C, but it's important to know more about who we are together to get a good direction. C and I are both educated and have traumatic pasts.
Based on what C has told me about herself, my experience with her over this last year, and what I am learning, I would loosely describe C's behavior as an Unconventional Borderline with strong narcissistic traits. This I say loosely because one I am no Mental Health professional and C also has ADHD, ODD, and PTSD.
She has never admitted to BPD but has given me intentional clues from the very beginning. She is aware of what she is doing. She isn't able to manage control over it.

As I have learned more about it, I love her more. I am afraid. Because as she realizes I am no longer allowing her to manipulate me, her behavior is escalating.
I have my own PTSD and was easily sucked in while living next to her. She maintained a false calm especially when I was vulnerable. To me it feels like she enjoyed the control? But, she never escalated her behavior until now.

I am taking care of me. But I do not like the petty, childish, escalation of intentional vindictive behavior. C has taught me to address poor behavior with ADHD at the time of the behavior because it is quickly forgotten. (she has ADHD children) Where do I begin addressing her behavior? She is aware of what she is doing, so can I address it?



Diagnosis + Treatment The Big Picture Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ] Five Dimensions of Human Personality Think It's BPD but How Can I Know? DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders Treatment of BPD [ Video ] Getting a Loved One Into Therapy Top 50 Questions Members Ask Home page Forum List of discussion groups Making a first post Find last post Discussion group guidelines Tips Romantic relationship in or near breakup Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD Sibling or Parent with BPD Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD Partner or Spouse with BPD Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship Tools Wisemind Ending conflict (3 minute lesson) Listen with Empathy Don't Be Invalidating Setting boundaries On-line CBT Book reviews Member workshops About Mission and Purpose Website Policies Membership Eligibility Please Donate