Gather around the tree everyone

[Our abuse recovery guide]

This time of year can be so hard for us. Some of us have family to go and visit (or coming to visit us) that we'd rather not see. It ties us up in knots just knowing it is coming in a few weeks.   Others have family that they've found necessary to step away from in order to allow for our personal healing from the trauma of our childhoods. No matter what, we often miss them who we wish they would be to and for us, and it is painful and hurts.

So with those thoughts in mind, I think it's time for us here on PSI, our online family, to come together and decorate our Christmas tree and join together in a safe family where you each belong and don't need to be afraid to join in.  

Let's focus on the positive in this thread instead of our pain. What I need help with is in decorating our tree. The 'ornaments' are going to be the positive things we see in our lives, nor matter how big or how small. We need all sizes of ornaments, big small, and in between. Some ideas can be: "kindness" because you were kind to yourself today;  "quietness" because you took time to sit down and reflect and pause for 3 minutes to self care today.

Please hang one ornament per thread and tell us why you are hanging that ornament on our tree. Come back as often as you like to hang another ornament. It will take a whole lot of decorating to get our tree covered! I'll start us off so you get the idea.

The ornament I am hanging is confidence because I have seen this year how much more confidence I have in myself. I started a new part time job in January 2018, and then was transferred laterally to a new position and hired in full time. Through this year and all these changes, I have seen myself walk confidently into my new work environments (twice!) and I am amazed to watch myself. I am not who I was 6 years ago, even 2 years ago!

Please join me since I can't do this all myself. Who will bring the hot chocolate and marshmallows? How about some logs to put in the fireplace? Let's have some fun!  

 
Woolsie

[Woolspinner2000]

This time of year can be so hard for us. Some of us have family to go and visit (or coming to visit us) that we'd rather not see. It ties us up in knots just knowing it is coming in a few weeks.   Others have family that they've found necessary to step away from in order to allow for our personal healing from the trauma of our childhoods. No matter what, we often miss them who we wish they would be to and for us, and it is painful and hurts.

So with those thoughts in mind, I think it's time for us here on PSI, our online family, to come together and decorate our Christmas tree and join together in a safe family where you each belong and don't need to be afraid to join in.  

Let's focus on the positive in this thread instead of our pain. What I need help with is in decorating our tree. The 'ornaments' are going to be the positive things we see in our lives, nor matter how big or how small. We need all sizes of ornaments, big small, and in between. Some ideas can be: "kindness" because you were kind to yourself today;  "quietness" because you took time to sit down and reflect and pause for 3 minutes to self care today.

Please hang one ornament per thread and tell us why you are hanging that ornament on our tree. Come back as often as you like to hang another ornament. It will take a whole lot of decorating to get our tree covered! I'll start us off so you get the idea.

The ornament I am hanging is confidence because I have seen this year how much more confidence I have in myself. I started a new part time job in January 2018, and then was transferred laterally to a new position and hired in full time. Through this year and all these changes, I have seen myself walk confidently into my new work environments (twice!) and I am amazed to watch myself. I am not who I was 6 years ago, even 2 years ago!

Please join me since I can't do this all myself. Who will bring the hot chocolate and marshmallows? How about some logs to put in the fireplace? Let's have some fun!  

 
Woolsie

[Kwamina]

Ok, so here's a Christmas tree to start things off:



 

[HappyChappy]

I'll provide the Christmas crackers, courtesy of Sir Gary Larson:

[Libra]

I'll put up a an airy ornament: space.

       space to do things at my own pace

       space not to react to panicky messages in an instant, but to allow some time and distance before replying

       space to allow myself to feel and to accept my own feelings

       space to be just me... .


Libra.

[Harri]

I am going to hang Peace.  

I had the first peaceful Thanksgiving Day of my life.  I was more than just okay like in more recent years.  I was good with where things are.  I felt warm, content, happy, and loved *and* liked by my brother, nephew and SIL.  I was conscious of the past but more focused on the present and truly at peace.  First time ever.  I am celebrating this because I think it was a milestone for me... .hopefully giving me a glimpse of the future.

[HappyChappy]

I am going to hang Peace.  
I had the first peaceful Thanksgiving Day of my life.

Wow that is brilliant. An important milestone. In fact that is so good, you should get yourself a present. I've started to feel more peaceful at times, maybe its infectious ?  Beagles forever !
   
One small detail, if you are going to hang peace, wouldn't that kill it ?

[Harri]

 HappyC!  Maybe it can be one of those that are just placed on a tree branch.  It would be okay if it falls or Parrot flies off with it... .peace is to be shared, right?

I am glad you are getting to a place of more peace HappyC.  It has been a long hard but worthy battle right? 

[Joha242]

I will hang an ornament to honor ourselves, each, as individuals. My ornament is a phrase, and one I'm hearing more and more often lately ... ."To thine own self be true." ... . 

[Libra]

Harri,

That is so beautiful.
It made me smile and wipe away a tear at the same time.

Wishing you many happy peaceful days, nay weeks, nay eons!

 

Libra.

[No-One]

I'm hanging the ornament of "ACCEPTANCE".  I accept that the only person I have control over is myself.  I am responsible for managing my own emotions, actions and boundaries.

I accept that I can't change the person in my life with BPD or BPD traits. They have to make the choice to get help and accept responsibility for their actions. Although this person may exhibit improved behavior from time to time, it is likely that trouble is around the corner.

I accept that I can choose the level of contact I engage in and that I can change that level from time to time.  I accept the responsibility to enforce my own boundaries.  I accept that for me, I can't do any more episodes of making up and moving forward as if nothing ever happened

PS:  Woolspinner200:  Great thread!  Very creative.

[sklamath]

I’d like to add some big, goofy, unbridled laughter! This includes being present in the moment so that I can enjoy the humor in life’s moments, and without any fear or need to censor or stifle big belly laughs or a case of the giggles.

[Woolspinner2000]

Love, love, love it you guys!  

These ornaments are the most beautiful of all that I've ever seen on a tree, truly! You all make my heart rejoice!

Now if we can just get the animals to behave... .all the puppies and the parrots! The llamas are fine though.  

Today I'm going to hang my ornament of quietness.
-I am quiet in my soul, staying in the moment, a rare gift to myself of not being anxious about all that is going on around me. Quietness joins the glory of Harri & HC's peace (hooray!), No-one's acceptance, Libra's space, Sklamath's laughter, and my confidence.

Take a step back and see how beautiful it already looks!  
We need more ornaments though. Lots more room on those branches! Who is tall enough to put something near the top?

 
Wools

[Harri]

Today I too place a phrase:

I have meaning.

That is something I have been working on realizing and embracing for a while now.

[jasmine123]

I want to also hang an ornament of radical accepting, specifically that 1. I have finally accepted that my parent has BPD, which has been such a game changer and that 2. in the midst of the chaos with a BPD parent their can still be so much good.

I so often only post about the pain and anxiety my BPD parent causes me, but this thread (and a page from the book "Stop Walking on Egg Shells") reminded me that if there wasn't something positive about the BPD person, if they were compeltely rotten, you wouldn't  maintain a relationship with them. So, I would also like to hang a couple ornaments to celebrate the good in my BPD parent:

-resiliency
-generosity
-love
-creativity
-empathy

Merry Christmas!

[Harri]

I had a couple of strangers go out of their way to help me this afternoon.  I was in trouble and sitting in my car trying to figure out a solution, they saw I needed help and came to my rescue.  It never occurred to me to ask for help even!

So I am adding gratitude today.

[Woolspinner2000]

Nicely done! Getting some colorful ornaments out there!

I forgot to note joha242's phrase "to thine own self be true," and Harri's phrase "I have meaning." I think the phrases, since they're longer, remind me of icicles that we all used to hang on our trees as kids. We definitely need some added sparkle here and there (and some static electricity too! Anyone remember that? 

Jasmine, I see your beauty placed carefully there as well, for us all to admire, thank you!

Did someone say they'd play some Christmas Carols while we enjoy the hot chocolate and crackling fireplace and decorate the tree?

 
Wools

[I Am Redeemed]

Love this idea!

Today I am hanging the ornament of contentment. Today I will be content with what I have, where I am right now(much improvement over the environment I used to be in) and the stage of the process of healing that I am in right now (again, an improvement over where I was).

I will be content with this day, this moment, right now, and appreciate it in real time.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed

[Feeling Better]

I would like to hang an ornament that represents Hope

I recently felt that I had lost all hope, and losing hope is not a good place to be. Now I choose to have hope in my life. And in my heart too 

FB x

[Harri]

Hi Iamredeemed and welcome!  Contentment is so precious isn't it?

Feeling Better, it is always good to see you here.  Hope is a wonderful thing and so necessary to keep going on.   

Today I am hanging another phrase icicle (I love your imagination Wools!).  I am hanging "I belong"

Okay so who else is going to hang an ornament? 

[JNChell]

My ornament is peace today. I’m aware that a centered person finds peace within themselves no matter the circumstances. Although I’m not quite centered yet, peace is bringing me closer. My T mentioned Viktor Frankl very early on in my therapy. A certain beagle has a quote by him at the bottom of her profile. We create our own peace regardless of the situation.

[Harri]

Did someone mention a beagle fan of viktor frankl?  She sounds awesome!  haha

Peace... .nice one JNChell. 

Peace to you and yours, always. 

[JNChell]

She’s very awesome. Or so I’ve heard snooping around here.

[Harri]

patience... .cause i need to focus on it   

[Woolspinner2000]

Patience, contentment, peace, belonging, and hope- each has added more sparkle and beauty to our tree. The decorating is coming along nicely!

I wish to hang truth today, because it is important that I see truth in myself. Not pulling the wool over my eyes anymore (rather punny don't you think?   ), but being true to allowing my feelings and seeing them. This is a healing step.

We still have time and room for some more ornaments. Please join in!

 
Wools

[I Am Redeemed]

Today I would like to hang joy. It's something I haven't experienced in many years, and it is time that I find joy in life again.

Redeemed

[JNChell]

I’m hanging virtue on the tree tonight. It’s important to stick by our values. Wavering can cause us great upset. BTW,  you all rock!

[Daniel H]

I'm hanging Positive Decisions and Change, and this is for the year. Despite the rocky end of 2017, 2018 I decided to propose to my partner of 7 years - she has been my rock, my inspiration, my reason for wanting me to be a better me and see a brighter future. Been able to travel twice this year overseas. Connected with Family, some of whom I've never met, that has been positive and this Christmas I will have a lot of family to celebrate with, plus lots of friends.

[Panda39]

Laughter, Humor, Company of the Family I Choose



Panda39

[JNChell]

Oh Panda, that is awesome!

[Harri]

Hi Daniel!  Congrats on your engagement and for the wonderful ornament!  It sparkles quite brightly.