@Pook075 I've had her arrested. I have had her hospitalized. The state gave her back to me, untreated and said I am the problem. I've had ACS called three times. Each time, after really talking in depth to both of us, looking at evidence from both of us, having us do family therapy, where she dropped out and I maintained it, they said, "Yeah, she's the problem, but we can't do anything to help you." More or less.
I did all the same things, and all of them failed as well. Still, you're fighting a state that's not equipped to handle mental health, so you have to keep playing the game. She comes home, acts abusive, and you pick up the phone saying one simple phrase, "She's a threat to herself or others. I do not feel safe." They have to take her all over again.
Is that ridiculous? Absolutely. But it's ridiculous to your kid as well and it's a way to teach her that it's easier to be nice to mom than continually get committed. It eventually made a difference in our situation.
She's under 21, and in my state, I need a judge from family court to allow her to be removed from my home. In order to do that, I have to build a case that has VIDEO evidence of her doing things to me. One can imagine how difficult it can be to get that. The minute my phone gets out, is the minute it's knocked out of my hand and smashed.
Okay, so get video set up in your home. You already did when she took the jacket, so do that again. Put a camera in a few rooms of the house and confront her behavior. If she screams at you and threatens, that's assault. If she hits you (even slapping something out of your hand), that's battery. Breaking your phone is destruction of property, and if your phone is over $600 it's a felony (in my state...your state could be anywhere from $500-2000 before it's a felony).
These charges stick and it allows judges to play the game- usually in-patient stays of 30-60 days or more. You have to realize that everyone is playing the broken mental health game- doctors, nurses, judges, social services, etc.
So play the game until she can't stand it anymore. Maybe she leaves on her own- mission accomplished. Maybe she spends the next year in mandated therapy. You have to play the game though because you can't accept abuse.
I'm not dealing with a normal person. She gave away her phone, and I let her sit without one for six months. It was more hassle for me that it seemed for her.
My daughter did the same thing- we'd punish her and she'd punish us 10x harder. That's when we escalated to the police and hospitals after every threat, every meltdown. Things got so much worse by waiting and hoping, but we got serious when she was almost 18 (and at her worst). She went to the hospital 6 or 7 times that year, with mandatory stays each time.
I feel like the only call that can be is complete seperation for good or until she gets treatment and sees the destruction she has brought to our relationship. But getting there, I don't know how I can get there with her. This is why I keep trying.
In your 1st sentence, you said that they returned her to you untreated. That's not true- they did what they were supposed to do, but she wasn't interested in listening or trying. This is on her, and until she's ready to take it seriously nothing will work. That's why you have to be on the offensive here every time she lashes out; play the game until it's easier for her to take things seriously or leave than abuse you.
For the record, she doesn't see her destruction at all- she sees terrible parents that deserve her abuse. It's pure entitlement and until you change, she has no reason to see things differently. Again, you have to play the game....the stupid, broken, ineffective game. It's all you have if you're not allowed to throw her out.