we both have BPD

[250GTLusso]

No clue where to start. Messy!
Saw the light of treatment and medication 2 years ago for myself. Married my husband, he just thought my promiscuity and horrible
behavior was a result of a bad previous relationship. In my heart, I wanted that to be true. He was diagnosed with BP after our wedding and I was OK. 9 months later, I found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to terminate because he was not ready. We were 38. I disagreed and his family member supported me. The relationship with him instantly changed. He slept on the couch and would not look at me. Baby born, he came around and we were a happy family until I went back to work. He stayed home and resented me. He became verbally abusive which triggered my behavior to tell my ex my life, speak to his relatives and basically full blown BPD... .I lost it and screamed divorce. He took our daughter the day I asked for divorce and I went nuts, called the DA, filed crap and took our child out of his grandmas arms surrounded by 5 cops. It was out of control. I started drinking when I was not responsible for our child. A month later, its like I woke up and regretted everything. For 10 months we lived in seperate locations, yet spent time at least once a day or night together. We went out to a bar I still frequented and I started celexa. I went in heavy on shots and consumed a ton of alcohol.Proceeded to full mouth kiss and make out with patrons. To this day, I have no memory of any of it. He texted me over 400 times to basically kill myself because viewing my actions triggered his issues. He asked that I just die. So 2 days later I was going to literally drive off a cliff, but I did not want to die, so I went to the hospital and admitted myself.
He had our child and he filed paperwork calling me incompetent. After treatment and therapy I asked for more inpatient to ensure I was stable and then I went to get my child only to have to go to court. The next day after being served, he called me because she was sick. The entire time I was banned from my child, I was at his house caring for our child. I won my parental rights back and my soon to be ex husband asks me to go out of town with him and our child. I see BPD traits in him as well as recognizing narsisisst traits. Our divorce is final. I was heartbroken. I continued my effort to see if we are reconciling. No answer. I got drunk to oblivion and woke up with a co-worker in my bed. I maintained the lie that I was faithful because I never wanted that to happen to me. I felt like a victim, but I was the idiot that put the cup to my lips. We go on a 10 day family vacation and he asks me to move across the country and start over. He purchased the home and I scheduled movers, we decided to party like the old days as a farewell to our city. I came clean about sleeping with the coworker and he lost it. We still move because it was in motion. 2 months passed and he proposed to me, ring and all and I said yes. Then the cycles began, so he has the ring back, he hates me and cannot trust or forgive me. I am basically the roomate, single mother that is forbidden to have friends. Have 1 beer, have a bank account because I gave myself bad credit.He is controlling beyond control. All I want is for him to understand what happens was not out of me ever wanting to hurt him. So now, I am back to DBT, I flip out because he flirts with his exes on fb chats, he has zero respect for me. I cannot leave. I want him to understand and love me that I am frozen here. I am under control with my verbal outbreaks or hasty decisions. I use my skills, but I over eat and use food as my coping mechanism and I am unable to focus my skills on that behavior. We have known each other 20 years, he was my best friend. I am so sad and at such a loss. I hate the codependency and the thinking issues and feeling helpless. I am seeking a therapist and would like to know if hypnotherapy has helped anyone? I had severe trauma from 2-11yrs of age and have discussed the effect of that on my brain chemistry. I feel that I have rambled, but this feels better (more directed) than yapping to 10 people that do not need to be involved. I asked him to go on meds and his mother supported that suggestion so he has been on a mood stabilizer for a month.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi 250GTLusso,

Welcome ,

Sorry that you've been through so many ups and downs with your relationship. How is the med stabilizer helping your H?

It sounds like you are in a good place with therapy. You mentioned hypnotherapy. Is this something that your therapist suggested? What would you expect to get out of it? I personally don't know a lot about how it works.

We have a lot of great resources on the right side of the page that can help you begin working on new skills for navigating your relationship. To get you started here is a workshop on enmeshment and co-dependence.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111772.0

[wendydarling]

Hi there 250GTLusso

I join TatteredHeart welcome to the family, I'm glad you've reached out for support here, you've been through so much, it certainly helps when we write it down like you have to find our way forward, get off the rollercoaster, out of the drama, space to think. You've made a great step forwards, he listened to you, how's it going with the mood stabilisers? What behaviours are most challenging for you today?

WDx