Just a bad day...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Just having a very bad and sad day... .  I don't even know why I'm now thinking so much about my exBPDgf... .  

It's 22 days since she dumped me, 24 days since I last saw her... .  

And today I'm feeling like a total loss, so empty inside, just don't know what to do anymore.

Want to buy her things, call her, text her... .  But what would I say, if I know it will not be received well... .  

So frustrating, want to throw things, break things... .  After a marriage, that never was a good relationship to start with, where I stayed too long, I thought I finally found the love of my life. 

I had many dreams, and still have, and with her it seemed I could make them come true. Ok, she had her fears, and was impulsive, but hey "love will conquer all", right ?

Well, true love maybe, but this is hell... .  

Have no question, just wanted to write this down... .  Feel really lost, and cornered.

[Hutsepotmetworst]

Just having a very bad and sad day... .  I don't even know why I'm now thinking so much about my exBPDgf... .  

It's 22 days since she dumped me, 24 days since I last saw her... .  

And today I'm feeling like a total loss, so empty inside, just don't know what to do anymore.

Want to buy her things, call her, text her... .  But what would I say, if I know it will not be received well... .  

So frustrating, want to throw things, break things... .  After a marriage, that never was a good relationship to start with, where I stayed too long, I thought I finally found the love of my life. 

I had many dreams, and still have, and with her it seemed I could make them come true. Ok, she had her fears, and was impulsive, but hey "love will conquer all", right ?

Well, true love maybe, but this is hell... .  

Have no question, just wanted to write this down... .  Feel really lost, and cornered.

[trevjim]

Yesterday I wrote a similar post, today ive not though about her much at all and im really upbeat, tomorow? maybe ill be down, maybe ill take another step forward.

It does get easier in time, and ive learnt bad days seem to be normal with this.

[afterdeath]

Hang in there. Focus on you, easier said than done but I like to look at it like this, when she comes back, don't you want to be able to blow her away and make her realize she missed out on something good?

It's the only fire I have left driving me forward, revenge. I will become better than ever just to show her she messed up by replacing me.

[Hutsepotmetworst]

Thanks trevjim and afterdeath (hey, I feel just like your nick ;-)

Revenge... .  hum, didn't look at it that way, trying to be happy and show her what she missed out on. Maybe... .  

But then I should be angry with her, and I just can't do that. Especially not when I'm heavily suspecting she has BPD, she can't help herself. 

I am very angry, but then at her parents, who created this "home" where she was "dysformed".

[afterdeath]

Thanks trevjim and afterdeath (hey, I feel just like your nick ;-)

Revenge... .  hum, didn't look at it that way, trying to be happy and show her what she missed out on. Maybe... .  

But then I should be angry with her, and I just can't do that. Especially not when I'm heavily suspecting she has BPD, she can't help herself. 

I am very angry, but then at her parents, who created this "home" where she was "dysformed".

A good nickname as it encompasses a deep meaning for myself.

I only use the word revenge because of a quote I once heard went something like: the best revenge you can have on an ex to make them jealous is to simply live well.

Or something to that extent.

As for not being angry because she didn't have a choice? I believe we empower them to keep doing what they are doing by feeling sorry for them and not correcting their behaviors.

My ex made it clear to her office mate that she treated me bad on purpose to get rid of me. I do not feel bad for her choice to abuse and discard me when she purposely knew what she was doing.

I will make sure she is sorry she did that to me one day though when I'm happy and successful in my life while she will be miserable.

I have a chip on my shoulder and it's the only thing I got left for now, she will be sorry one day.

[Hutsepotmetworst]

Just want to get into my head and heart and take her out of it !

It's so hard to believe she just doesn't see all the happy moments we shared... .  and take them into account... .  

When she broke up with me she said : "When we are together it's fantastic, but when I'm alone it's like hell".  So strange that she was so afraid, and unsure about herself, about our relationship, about me.

All the good times, all our deep conversations, all the "I love you" 's just don't count for them ?

I feel so much anger, but have nowhere or no one to address it to.

[Discarded26]

Just want to get into my head and heart and take her out of it !

It's so hard to believe she just doesn't see all the happy moments we shared... .  and take them into account... .  

When she broke up with me she said : "When we are together it's fantastic, but when I'm alone it's like hell".  So strange that she was so afraid, and unsure about herself, about our relationship, about me.

All the good times, all our deep conversations, all the "I love you" 's just don't count for them ?

I feel so much anger, but have nowhere or no one to address it to.

It's normal, so don't worry about that. Anger, upset, hurt, was it all a lie, etc etc

They promise you the world then run away. It's harsh

[trevjim]

Yesterday I wrote a similar post, today ive not though about her much at all and im really upbeat, tomorow? maybe ill be down, maybe ill take another step forward.

It does get easier in time, and ive learnt bad days seem to be normal with this.

Yup todays been a bad one, had two dreams (nightmares?) about her last night where we got back togeather and we were really happy. So because of that she has been on my mind more than normal  :'(

[afterdeath]

Just want to get into my head and heart and take her out of it !

It's so hard to believe she just doesn't see all the happy moments we shared... .  and take them into account... .  

When she broke up with me she said : "When we are together it's fantastic, but when I'm alone it's like hell".  So strange that she was so afraid, and unsure about herself, about our relationship, about me.

All the good times, all our deep conversations, all the "I love you" 's just don't count for them ?

I feel so much anger, but have nowhere or no one to address it to.

Address it here. You will find similar stories that relate to your experience, I too wonder what happen to or unbreakable friendship where we were so happy.

All the pictures, memories, good times seem to be forgotten as easily as they discard and replace us.

It's like fifty first dates. Each day we have to make them fall in love with us again because they don't remember yesterday, even worse, they make it up as they go along, truth our not