baby steps

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

well its been a busy couple months. Was away from the fun and games for a ... was nice to be away from the fog and BPD shenanigans. Applied for a job while away and had the interview when I got back. Was offered the job the same day

Went away again last weekend for my nephews memorial and started the new job the day after I got back.

Opened a checking account and got a credit card in my own name.

Been sleeping on the couch for a month and stopped having sex with him 2 months ago... .been avoiding it since I decided to leave 6 months ago.

He just thinks I'm "punishing" him for something.

I have explained WHY I don't want to have sex... but like everything else... .doesn't listen.

The other day when I AGAIN explained... he said maybe HE should just leave and leave me the house and bills and move to live with his aging parents.

Funny when he doesn't get his needs met it's a problem... .yet I'm not even supposed to HAVE needs.

Saving money and sorting through stuff before I confirmed I'm leaving... .I KNOW it won't be pretty.

Another trip away planned for next month... .staying out of the FOG

[froggy]

well its been a busy couple months. Was away from the fun and games for a ... was nice to be away from the fog and BPD shenanigans. Applied for a job while away and had the interview when I got back. Was offered the job the same day

Went away again last weekend for my nephews memorial and started the new job the day after I got back.

Opened a checking account and got a credit card in my own name.

Been sleeping on the couch for a month and stopped having sex with him 2 months ago... .been avoiding it since I decided to leave 6 months ago.

He just thinks I'm "punishing" him for something.

I have explained WHY I don't want to have sex... but like everything else... .doesn't listen.

The other day when I AGAIN explained... he said maybe HE should just leave and leave me the house and bills and move to live with his aging parents.

Funny when he doesn't get his needs met it's a problem... .yet I'm not even supposed to HAVE needs.

Saving money and sorting through stuff before I confirmed I'm leaving... .I KNOW it won't be pretty.

Another trip away planned for next month... .staying out of the FOG

[RecycledNoMore]

Dearest froggy huggs my friend,you have come such a long way...

As I remember you and your husband have been married 20+ years and I know this cant be easy for you,Im so happy to hear that you have a job now, baby steps froggy,steps to detatchment and freedom...

Enjoy the moments away from the madness in BPD land,revel in your victories,tiny triumphs...

I had spent so long living in the extreme moments,I forgot what it was like to appreciate quiet,solitude,gratitude for seemingly small accomplishments.

The FOG is lifting for you froggy,keep going x

P.d I hope your sister is doing ok too

All the best RNM

[Infared]

Yes... .small positive steps in a good orderly direction... .My self help group calls that getting off the roller coaster ride and on to the lasagna ripple.  For me it seemed boring at first, I was so used to the extreme highs and lows... .but in time, my life became more manageable and calm. I did not have all that drama and insanity any more... .I was looking at situations and calmly making decisions (or seeking healthy support about which choice to make), not just swept up in  a chaotic emotional tempest where everything is a psychotic wrestling match.

Life can get better, if we work at it!  

[froggy]

RNM... .yes been married a long time... 33.5 years. Finding this site last year was the final push for me... knowing that he will never improve without therapy and quiting drinking(both he refuses to do). Was mostly fear keeping me here... fear of what people would say with me walking after 33 years... fear of being alone and not being able to support myself.

I DON'T hate him... he didn't ask for this either... but... he IS responsible for the way he has treated me and the kids.

My sister is doing well getting stonger and kicking cancers butt

Her pwBPD was freaking out over her being terminal but he has slipped back into regular behavior for the most part.

[Tibbles]

So good to read how you are going about this. You are getting yourself into a really strong position so when you do go you can weather the storm to come. I was with my ex 30 yrs, so hard to leave, but the peace I have now is so worth it. There is a whole different life out there for you, great in some ways, not so great in others but peace and calm will come into your life. That is AMAZING!