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BPDFamily.com
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Dealing with lack of intimacy
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Topic: Dealing with lack of intimacy (Read 330 times)
runningup
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 87
Dealing with lack of intimacy
«
on:
May 09, 2015, 12:12:38 AM »
Its been 10 weeks now since split, Im sure some of you know my story. The last week I have been mentally struggling with having no "intimacy" in my life, I guess when I was in the relationship with XBPD, intimacy was available whenever I wanted, and its not until its gone that you start feeling such a powerful loss of it. I am doing ok with not thinking about the fact she is having "intimacy" with her new BF she cheated on me with, I am more struggling with the gaping hole that I feel in my life now without her in it, the "imtimacy" we had was explosive, very good and very regular.
Any thoughts as to how I could look at this differently to improved my mental outlook?
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EaglesJuju
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1653
Re: Dealing with lack of intimacy
«
Reply #1 on:
May 09, 2015, 09:28:10 AM »
Losing intimacy is very difficult, especially if it is explosive and very good. Ending a relationship with a pwBPD, is like going through withdraw. In the beginning, you still crave the euphoric feelings attached to the relationship. These feelings will pass.
Although the intimacy was good, what types of things upset or frustrated you in the relationship?
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"In order to take control of our lives and accomplish something of lasting value, sooner or later we need to Believe. We simply need to believe in the power that is within us, and use it." -Benjamin Hoff
runningup
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 87
Re: Dealing with lack of intimacy
«
Reply #2 on:
May 09, 2015, 06:21:34 PM »
Yes there were many things that upset me in the relationship
- rage
- physical sbuse
- mental abuse
- lack of empathy
- lack of understanding
- push pull
- mis-trust
- lies
- history of hers
- support
To name a few important ones
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Mutt
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395
Re: Dealing with lack of intimacy
«
Reply #3 on:
May 09, 2015, 07:45:11 PM »
Quote from: runningup on May 09, 2015, 06:21:34 PM
- rage
- physical sbuse
- mental abuse
- lack of empathy
- lack of understanding
- push pull
- mis-trust
- lies
- history of hers
- support
I think that the question that you ask is how to look at this from a different mental outlook... .
Quote from: runningup on May 09, 2015, 12:12:38 AM
the "imtimacy" we had was explosive, very good and very regular.
One way I think you could look at it is pro's and cons.
The juice is not worth the squeeze.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Inside
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 604
Re: Dealing with lack of intimacy
«
Reply #4 on:
May 09, 2015, 11:00:18 PM »
I remember it well… Too well, but that’s all they’ve got. And, they use it up quick It would have ended whether you were still with her, or not. They can’t take the next step, or - they’ll take it - then fall on their faces ... .with dead marriages, children in the mix, more cheating and endless destructive behavior... .
You experienced all she’s got,
the pull.
But instead of describing her limits, with dignity, she’s repeating her cycle, with another… It’s as close to love as they get, and (thinking back), we should pity them. We get to truly move on, avoid anything closely related to BPD, eventually progressing to the next level of love, and beyond. Committed capable love
Love and life are more than fast times, at best, some of both! You got some - but she can’t give both. File the memories, then make more.
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