Like I said I would, as soon as finals were over I started really working on this stuff.
I talked to three lawyers last week, and I think I know which one I want. My therapist recommended two, and I was able to get an appointment with one of them, but didn't hear back from the other one. I also talked to two other ones, but I think the one she recommended will be the one I will go with.
The first one I talked to seemed nice but inexperienced. We talked for about an hour and she asked me a lot of personal questions about my relationship and was like, "What is the deal with this guy? Does he have anger management issues or something?" She also said something about how 85% of divorces are settled in mediation, which I think made her sound unrealistically optimistic. I got the feeling like she might underestimate how crazy my husband might get during the process.
The second lawyer seemed unsympathetic to my situation. He seemed to think it sounded nuts that I wanted to move out right away. He said that would be a "jerk move" on my part, and would make me look bad to the judge in a custody battle. Then he suggested that if I can't stand to keep living with my husband, that I go stay with my mom, who lives hundreds of miles away, instead.
The third lawyer was the one my therapist recommended. I actually talked to some kind of assistant at the law firm who handles the consultations, not the lawyer herself, but she seemed to take my concerns about abuse and abuse allegations seriously. When I described some of the threats my husband has made, threats that he's going get full custody of my daughter and I'll never see her again etc., she shook her head and rolled her eyes, but in a way like she's already heard all these types of threats before in other cases. She said they're even dealing with a case right now where, "this guy, he just barks and barks."
I also like that she asked me about pets, without me asking her first. She said some people might think it's silly, but she knows pets are very important too.
I asked her if I can move out right away, or if I have to stay living with him, and she said after what I told her she thinks I should move out right away, and I should take my daughter and my cats with me. She said my daughter needs to "be in [my] possession," when he finds out I'm divorcing him. And she told me if he calls the cops while she's "in my possession" they probably won't do anything.
She also gave me a list of documents and evidence and so on that I should gather before I make my escape, and told me I need to do stuff like finding an apartment, moving any property, etc. before I file for divorce, because once I file, everything gets "frozen" until the temp orders go through.
So now that I've basically been told it's OK for me to leave, next I have to figure out how exactly to do it.