Hi everyone,
Regularly on this board I read about people questioning their own sanity (was it me?) and I have struggled with that too. All the gaslighting and projecting and other manipulative tactics my exBPDf used on me, really made me question... .I am the crazy one here?
Earlier this week my ex sent me a "sweet" message and I broke NC and responded to it. I was nice, yet firm about my decision to end it and wished him all the best. Not what he wanted to hear ofcourse so it got ugly. He told me his T (she diagnosed him) said there was nothing wrong with him, I was the problem, I was the crazy one... .Bla bla bla. I replied that his problems were solved then... .
It still lingered a bit... .Last night my nonBPD ex (who I had lived with for 4 years prior to my relationship with my exBPD) came over for coffee. Although our relationship didnt work out we remained friends. Not close friends but we still have respect for eachother, still own a house together (couldnt sell it bc of crisis) and every now and then we meet up.
I ended up asking him if I really wasnt a total b___ and disrepected him. If he thought there was something wrong with me... .If I had ever put him down, manipulated him, was volitile to him etc... .He answered with a very firm NO! Even in normal fights it all stayed respectfull and civilized. He totally disagreed!
Isnt it weird how even out of the r/s we're still questioning ourselves? How we still are somehow doubt our sanity and seek responsibility?
I do think that I have issues, being too nice, sacrificing my own needs for anothers, letting my boundaries be crossed... .But knowing I am not a looney tune, that its not me who destroys lives... .Its a huge relief. It does really suck that I doubted that though... .
